Personal Statement Proofreading - PLEASE

Hello - I was hoping some kind person on this site could proofread my personal statement - its a little late in the day, but I would really value some input here.

Can someone in charge delete this thread?

I was initially going to say I don't mind proofreading it, as I have good English and can give you some pointers just as a third party source, but I suppose it's too risky after reading the posts above, and even though I'm a trustworthy person if I say so myself, I shouldn't really encourage this behaviour.

Don't upload ur ps online!!!

Well, he's not first and the last person

yeah but it's a shame to lose all that hard work by doing something stupid and uploading it to the interwebz

Ok... I might say, I'm working in Italy on my gap year, so I can't just submit it at school, but I have taken it down.

Uploading it on a website wouldn't be a stupid thing when you would know that you will delete it afterwards

but isn't it cached and then it would be found on google just by typing the first sentence word-by-word

it's not the problem of other people copying it/ finding it

it's about UCAS flagging it for plagiarism because there's a copy somewhere on the internet of it

That's true! That's why there was another student posted their PS on here earlier this week I think. TSR doesn't seem to be taking a responsibility of reminding the students by sending them messages or making an announcement at the top of the website. Well, there was the Justin Bieber there for a while

Ok, well, it doesn't appear to be there, so am I safe?