What does this even mean.

It means for whatever reason she sees herself as having done something wrong that affects you. Perhaps see feels like she was too controlling, holding you back or there was too much drama in your relationship. She feels just what see said to her friend that you, ultimately, will be better off w/out the relationship. The truth is she may be right. Has there been stress and strain in the relationship? Or were you caught off-guard by this breakup? If you didn't sense that anything was wrong and she broke up with you suddenly then perhaps she is having a tough time emotionally in general.
If that is the case then I suggest you try to meet up with her and ask her about this. If she is struggling then perhaps she is feeling things that are not accurate and needs some reassuring by you. Without knowing more details about your relationship and break up it is difficult to know exactly what she meant.

Reply 2

OP

She said she tried to change me but I thought she helped me develop as a perso. I did the same to her.

She never held me back. There was a few tiny argument while we were away but it settled out in the last month.

It was rather out I the blue, none of her friends understand why she did it.

We haven't spoke in 6 weeks. I would love to meet up and try and smooth things.

Reply 3

GingerJoe

11

I think you should just talk to her.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

OP

Original post by hopeforthebest1

It means for whatever reason she sees herself as having done something wrong that affects you. Perhaps see feels like she was too controlling, holding you back or there was too much drama in your relationship. She feels just what see said to her friend that you, ultimately, will be better off w/out the relationship. The truth is she may be right. Has there been stress and strain in the relationship? Or were you caught off-guard by this breakup? If you didn't sense that anything was wrong and she broke up with you suddenly then perhaps she is having a tough time emotionally in general.
If that is the case then I suggest you try to meet up with her and ask her about this. If she is struggling then perhaps she is feeling things that are not accurate and needs some reassuring by you. Without knowing more details about your relationship and break up it is difficult to know exactly what she meant.

Added some details, what do you think.

Reply 5

DanB1991

17

Her best mates just wants your D..... simples

Reply 6

Original post by Anonymous

Added some details, what do you think.

As you know, relationships are difficult and lot of times things just don't make sense.
Changing someone is complicated. If you get them to change somethings such as wearing nicer clothing when your go out to clubs (for example) it is relatively harmless and perhaps helpful; but convincing someone they shouldn't go out with their mates/family (ever) because they should be at home with said partner (always), or convincing them to go for a certain area of study, having them give up hobbies and
chose different ones because that is what the partner prefers are all examples of "changing someone" that is wrong and will eventually lead to problems. The second examples literally change the person...who they are, what their beliefs are change their basic friend (and sometimes family) support system. All of which are 'changes' that are unacceptable. Maybe she realized she was changing you and it wasn't healthy or she didn't like the way she was being changed.

Also, you didn't mention how long you were in this relationship. That makes a difference too. If this was a long (ish) term relationship relationship, say 6+ mos then try and contact her. If not, just let it go.

If you do contact her and she is receptive to meeting with you then go w/ the sole objective is finding out her reasoning for the break up. This is not a time to respond with disagreement or emotion. If you can't do that then don't meet with her. You will just make yourself look bad if you have strong reactions. You are there only to listen. Even if the meeting goes well, don't expect the outcome to change and think you might be able to get back together. And, again, if your relationship was brief then I'd suggest you just let it go and move on. Sometimes in life, unfortunately, there are no simple answers. Good Luck.

Reply 7

Anonynmous

3

that guy wants to bang her

Reply 8

>OP - just went back and reread original post and saw you date 2+ years - then try to meet with her and get some clarification (if she's willing to).

You've waited a respectable six weeks to contact her so hopefully she will meet w/ you. Same though about how you're there just to listen and don't expect to get back with her. Using this time and whatever she says her reasoning was as a growing opportunity to learn about what you like and don't like for the next relationship.

Hopefully she can give you some answers so you can have closure but that doesn't always happen.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by hopeforthebest1

>OP - just went back and reread original post and saw you date 2+ years - then try to meet with her and get some clarification (if she's willing to).

You've waited a respectable six weeks to contact her so hopefully she will meet w/ you. Same though about how you're there just to listen and don't expect to get back with her. Using this time and whatever she says her reasoning was as a growing opportunity to learn about what you like and don't like for the next relationship.

Hopefully she can give you some answers so you can have closure but that doesn't always happen.

Thanks you for the advice. It has been very insightful. I want to contact her but it just doesn't feel 'right' so I'm going to wait a little longer.

Thanks

Anon

Reply 10

BadBehaviour

To be told that 2 years later is actually mad.

edit: Didn't read properly, just straight up ask her.

Reply 11

OP

Well I've been speaking to a relationship counciler as well.

She made the good point that it could be that she just wasn't ready for a relationship. She didn't want the same things in life and that the ex was doing what she felt was right for us both by ending it. That she was doing it in the best way she could and that it hurt her a lot to do it as well.

This isn't a defense of her just a relaying of what someone else said.

Reply 12

Excellent that you saw a relationship councilor - good for you. So, hopefully if you don't talk to your ex you have a little bit of understanding and hopefully closure.

Reply 13

OP

I have no understanding or closure. Her best friend doesn't know either, all our friends are confused by it.

Just life.

Reply 14

saeed97

She probably cheated on you.

Reply 15

OP

I genuinely believe she didn't. But it would make the process of moving on easier as I could hate her.

Reply 16

OP

God I feel rubbish. I can't stop thinkig about her.

Reply 17

OP

It's been 8 weeks. No contact, it still feels so raw and I feel so cr**. When does it get easier?

Reply 18

thegohst

7

Move on.

Don't get in touch with her you should let her go and find someone worth your time.

Reply 19