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Where do I stand???

So I was in a long distance relationship with this girl for around 6 months, It started of pretty well like every relationship does. Although we weren't able to each other as much due to the fact we lived so far away however at first I didn't think it would matter as much as we used to speak over the phone for multiple hours a day and plan to meet up as often as we could. However the relationship took a downhill and I believed she was interested as much... It was always me making the plans and she often used to cancel plans the day before... Jealousy and insecurity also crept in

However when we broke up I tried to forget her and move on, When I got near to doing that she started calling me and texting me much more... I thought I would give being friends with her a shot until the day she confessed she still had feelings for me and was for sorry for how the relationship ended and me having mixed feelings I let the past go by and gave it another chance.

A week goes by and she mentioned how she isn't sure about this and that she's afraid of hurting me again, we then came to the conclusion we would take things slow...

During this time she was still on holiday with her family so we were unable to see each other however we agreed to see each other as soon as she came back and so we did, When we met it was so awkward, It seemed as if she didn't want to be here, she repeated how she had to leave early and when I saw her I went for a hug and she rejected it after that she repeatedly said sorry for doing that as it was rude....

After that I was edgy about whether I wanted to see her again and began being blunt with her, I didn't have hope in us until she started behaving like how she used to be when we initially were a couple.. She showed a lot more affection and I thought everything was back to normal

So I gained interest in seeing her again however as she had exams going on I didn't want to disturb her so I told her to tell make plans when she was free...

During this time up till the current date we have only met up that one awkward time but 2 days ago when of her friends messaged me. She told me to call her as she wasn't picking up her phone and that she was waiting outside her house...

I messaged and called her she replied to me after a while as she was on the tube coming back from seeing a friend of hers, Lets call him friend X. I then spoke to her and asked her where she was she said that she came back from meeting X,

I didn't know of friend X until I asked her about him that day. She has only known friend X for 2/3 months and has met up with him a handful of times. He lives the same distance away from her as me so I got annoyed due to the fact that she has seen him more than me even though I am her 'boyfriend' and she has only known him for a while. I asked her who's plan it was to meet up that day and she said it was her plan... That annoyed me even more as if it was his plan to meet up it wouldn't be as bad as I haven't asked her to go out due to me not wanting to disturb her during exam period

She then stated that I was getting a little jealous and that they were only friends, She asked if we wanted to meet up in 2 days and she also starting making plans about what we should do on her birthday which was a month away. I was really pissed off at that moment as she said I was getting jealous, as I was annoyed about the fact that she didn't bother seeing me but saw someone she's only recently get to know. I told her to go make plans with friend X instead as it was evident the only reason she wanted to see me know is due to what I said to her ( It felt as if these plans were forced as I had to bring it up once again)

The next day she sent me a 'cute morning text' and asked if I was mad? I simply replied with ' I'm not mad, just disappointed' She then asked why and I told her I can't be bother to text and that she should call me when she was free as she was still in college when she texted. She didn't bother calling, So I haven't spoken to her since then.

I also realized that friend X has a picture with her in his Instagram profile picture, I'm unable to see any of his posts as he has a private account and I don't follow him. She claims they are friends but she would rather see me than him and if they are friends what does that make me and her as I am meant to be her 'boyfriend' which she would rather see someone she has known for 2 months rather than me .

Is there something going on between them? Or am I over reacting...

Also when we used to be together it took her 2/3 months to tell her best friend that I was her boyfriend she used to tell her we were friends as she didn't want her to know unless 'we were serious'. Also whenever we have met it was only us two, I have not met any of her friends in person although I have spoken her best friend occasionally as she goes to her house often and she often face times me when she is around hers.

To others it's not oblivious that she has a boyfriend as she's asian and doesn't want to post pictures of us or with any guy on social media as her family are on it and doing such would seem shameful

Sorry for the essay LOL, I just wanted to get some stuff out of my head :angry:

Reply 1

shawn_o1

You don't stand anywhere, you sit down.

Reply 2

sorry13

Some girls don't know what they want, this person sounds like she's not really sure of what she wants but definitely having you in the mix and knowing that you like her so much is boosting her self-esteem sky high and she would probably never want to see you move on.

If she's making time for other guys who are literally just as far away from her as you are, then she's taking the piss.
Did a long distance relationship for 4 years, we were in separate continents. Marriage was on the cards at one point, then I found out he'd slept around with other people for 3 years. Not all long distance relationships are doomed to fail but you haven't even made it past the 1 year make it/break it mark... And already she's into other people.

From what you've described, you're not communicating enough, discussing explicitly how you feel, I mean, she wants you to be jealous, most girls will happily want you to be jealous, makes em' feel protected and loved and they feel like they're hot sh*t.
In all honesty, you could do better. Here you are investing all your energy into this, and look, you're even resorting to Student Room for advice. Do you think she has?

Ultimately, its up to you, to me she sounds like she's messing you around a bit, if I were in your shoes (and I'm only saying this based on the details you've given, I don't know her side or everything there is to it) I would leave her. You sound like a nice guy, you'll work it out.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 3

BlueBerry97

I would just end things with her, it sounds as though you're putting effort into a relationship that neither of you are sure about and not getting anything back from your efforts. Make time for yourself, have some fun, meet other people and you'll move on surprisingly fast. I came to uni with a boyfriend of almost three years, but being here has made me see the world differently and I don't want / need him any more, so I broke off with him and I am feeling fine, as I have surrounded myself with great people here on campus. Just make sure you have plenty of people to support you :-) good luck!

Reply 4

SophisticatedSir

Sounds like she is playing mind games.

Dump her and move on.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by sorry13

Ultimately, its up to you, to me she sounds like she's messing you around a bit, if I were in your shoes (and I'm only saying this based on the details you've given, I don't know her side or everything there is to it) I would leave her. You sound like a nice guy, you'll work it out.

Original post by BlueBerry97

Original post by SophisticatedSir

Sounds like she is playing mind games.

Dump her and move on.

Thanks for the advise guys, I'm thankful you even took the time to read it... It's just so frustrating how every time I try to move on and break things off she makes me feel bad and doesn't want me to go and plays all that emotional guilt >.<

Reply 6

BlueBerry97

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, don't worry about it! Sounds to me as though you are way too good for this girl. Have some fun on your own and you'll meet someone who better suits you and your interests in no time :-)