Estranged from parents and finding it hard to cope in uni

Due to childhood abuse, I'm no longer in contact with anyone from my family. I don't know how to deal with this, especially when everyone asks about my family and if I'm feeling homesick. I don't know how I'm going to deal during Christmas. :frown:

Reply 1

missytwinpeaks

12

Find some fab friends and everything will be alright

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

Novascope

17

There are many people like yourself at uni, so you're not alone. Tell people you'd rather not talk about it if they ask questions. Try your best to make friends wherever you can. Also don't worry about Christmas as there will be people who stick around. I remember last year my uni actually held a Christmas dinner and party for those who didn't go home. Hopefully yours will do something like that? If not I'm sure you and your friends could have a little home Christmas together. You'll be fine. Just talk to your student support/union if you're really not coping well.

Reply 3

parentlurker

15

Christmas can be tough for those on their own but at university there may be others around, especially as internationals cant always go home. Make friends, be open about the problem and in future one may invite you to their home.

For now I would suggest getting involved with a charity that works at Christmas. There are usually people doing something for the homeless or perhaps hospital visiting the Samaritans. Nothing like helping others for reminding us that we still have much to be thankful for.

Reply 4

trustmeimlying1

20

Original post by Anonymous

Due to childhood abuse, I'm no longer in contact with anyone from my family. I don't know how to deal with this, especially when everyone asks about my family and if I'm feeling homesick. I don't know how I'm going to deal during Christmas. :frown:

Jaysus man hard stuff

Look theres support services out there..im sure any tsr person would be happy to chat to x

keep faith yeh x

Original post by Novascope

There are many people like yourself at uni, so you're not alone. Tell people you'd rather not talk about it if they ask questions. Try your best to make friends wherever you can. Also don't worry about Christmas as there will be people who stick around. I remember last year my uni actually held a Christmas dinner and party for those who didn't go home. Hopefully yours will do something like that? If not I'm sure you and your friends could have a little home Christmas together. You'll be fine. Just talk to your student support/union if you're really not coping well.

couldnt have said it better myself

Reply 5

sparkletoo

7

Original post by Anonymous

Due to childhood abuse, I'm no longer in contact with anyone from my family. I don't know how to deal with this, especially when everyone asks about my family and if I'm feeling homesick. I don't know how I'm going to deal during Christmas. :frown:

This has been me the past few years.
Don't worry, it DOES get better and easier. Honestly.
Firstly concerning the 'don't know how to deal with this' - I would advise you to get in touch with student support/GP for some counselling/therapy. I did and it was the best decision ever. You feel like you're no longer alone and have resources at your disposal beyond TSR where not everyone will understand or have the maturity to grasp the difficulties of your situation.

In terms of Christmas - I spent some of them alone until I made a conscious effort to reach out to friends. I spent last xmas in the lake district where my friends (a couple who'd booked a gorgeous cottage there) had invited all their close ones to come along. I'm saying this because in contrast to previous years, where I kept quiet and tried to deal with it myself, no-one knew of my situation and so assumed I'd be off having a good time with the family, like most people do. People don't - and can't - know until we tell them. So reach out and don't be afraid to be honest. Not everyone has a fabulous, cosy family setting to go home to unfortunately (for some reason, lots of students fail to grasp this, I hear a lot of - 'But they're your family! You only get one, and all families are somewhat crazy' etc etc - failing to understand the difference between the standard level of dysfunction and actual abuse - It used to irk me off no end) but at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you and ultimately only you know how you are affected by your family. This year, I'm hosting xmas at my student house with my friends and sister coming over (the only family member I keep in touch with) with plans to book a table at one of those cosy pubs for boxing day. There are definitely other ways to enjoy christmas than going home!

Hope it all works out for you and like someone else said, you're not alone in this. There are other students in the same boat as you. :smile:

(edited 8 years ago)

Estranged from parents and finding it hard to cope in uni

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