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Just got out of my first long term relationship and I'm in so much pain

I haven't felt this feeling of heartbreak since I was 16. It's ****ing horrific. I don't know what to do.

Four years we were together, and he has broken up with me by essentially ignoring me. He was the one person in the world that I felt I could trust and rely on, and he has treated me like a piece of **** in this break up.

I don't know how to move on. I know it's the usual stuff, and I've offered advice to people in this situation all the time, but now it's me I've forgotten it all. I have no friends to turn to. Only my parents, and they don't really know what to say or do.

Everywhere I look I see memories. That is what makes it harder. I don't know what to do. I feel sick and I feel intense pain. How am I supposed to move on from this?

Reply 1

username1623349

It will be really difficult, but try to keep yourself busy. Join clubs or societies, socialise, go to new places, meet new people. It will take a while but remember that you deserve better, and one day you'll have someone who will never treat you like that.

As for not having friends, please feel free to PM me, as I'm more than happy to be a friend :smile:

Reply 2

CptConnor

Time heals all wounds Anon, theres little you can do other than grit your teeth and get through it. Go out, find some friends and have a good time, give yourself a break from men for a while. Alot of people say to get a new boyfriend but in your case, after four years, whatever man/boy you date will no doubt remind you of your ex so have a break for a while. If you still want your ex, try and dig into the meaning of why he was doing what he was and try to work things out. If all else fails, grab a playlist of sad songs, box of tissues and get all the sadness out of your system, give it a month or so and you will be over it.

Reply 3

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

No other way to put it other than it is a horrible feeling, it is true they same time is a healer, try and go out with friends etc.

Reply 4

Savage R3N3GAD3

You have to let this pain run its course.

Reply 5

Brandy_S

I couldn't sleep when I went through a really bad break up. The old 1966 Batman series was on TV, so I'd sit and watch it and eat porridge and feel slightly human, because it was so camp and cringe worthy you couldn't help but smile a bit.
It depends on who you are as a person, but my advice would be to find something that cheers you up, like old Pingu videos, or some other cartoon, and eat sweet stuff, and completely indulge your childish side.
Also talk to people.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I don't know if I can help you, but I can tell you my story

She left me for someone else. She didn't want to bother with me any more, after 3 years and 4 months. At the time she was the only person I could connect with, we shared everything in our lives to each other, I've never been able to have this kind of connection with anyone else, I was all alone. At the end I did not blame her, because I was wrecked with depression and social anxiety and it was very taxing on her.

I cried everyday for 2 weeks. I had random panic attacks. I lost weight because I could not eat anything at all. I had a horrible constant headache. I was completely depleted of any will or hope. I tried to commit suicide several times, failed and only left with a horrible pain in my head from the rope strangling. All this with horrible, lonely all around torture inside me. After a while I was numb inside, the emotional detachment after a stressing trauma, do you get that too? It helped a bit to just think about things without having the pain. I even convinced myself for a short while the person I love is dead, and she's just some hollow shell of her that doesn't deserve me, surprisingly enough it did help to just cherish the good memories in blissful ignorance for a bit, but it's not the best thing you can do.

But you know what I did to try to cope? I had some friends in the internet, I'd just tell them to talk to me, tell me stories or talk about anything they want to just try to distract me from the pain. I started working out more, running and weights. I took better care of myself, independently, not wanting to ask help from anyone else unless absolutely necessary. I tried to beat my depression and anxiety by myself, it's a work in progress but I am doing a lot better than before. I took driving lessons, it's good fun, she did always tell me to take driving but I always said it was pointless before. I volunteered at a charity book shop, they're all nice people and the work makes me feel productive and good. I bought a keyboard to just play for fun and perhaps get good at it someday. I got back into education with a Psychology course with the OU, part time education but still, it all made me feel better about myself.

I still think about her everyday, not as in all my thoughts are centred around her. She's just there in the back of my mind a lot, not long ago would have been our 4th anniversary. I've still not met anyone as remarkable as she was to me, but I feel like maybe one day the new better me may finally and happily win someone of such greatness again. At the end of the day, I don't feel so bad looking back at it, I cherish the good times we had, and I want to be more great for myself and for my future partner.

Time may not heal you completely, I still don't feel like it has for me, but I can confidently tell you that it will definitely get better.

Sorry if it's all a mess, I just typed as I was thinking, I hope it provided some form of comfort.

Reply 7

bluemadhatter

Eat some ice cream and watch a romance film with a box of tissues near by

Reply 8

PillsIV

There are no shortcuts I'm afraid, no secrets, or tricks.

It's going to hurt, like hell.
Time is the best healer

Reply 9

hopeforthebest1

I am so sorry you are hurting. Why do you think he distanced himself from you? You were together for 4 years and he just quite seeing you, coming over, texting etc.? That must have been very difficult. Do you think he is seeing someone else?

Anyway, just the saying, time heals all wounds. It does but, sadly, it takes varying amounts of time and it's not the same for everyone. If you don't have friends to turn to that needs to be your first course of action. Are you at uni?
Hopefully you've made some friends there - reconnect. Having friends outside of a relationship is critical. Never ever give up the friends when you enter into a relationship!

Put away the pictures, the gifts etc. Go reconnect to friends or join new societies (sports) to build new friend groups.
Volunteer to help others (that will always lift you up). Remember the good memories but be honest as to what caused the break up in the first place. It rarely is one-sided so be honest with yourself. Then start venturing out more and more and soon you'll find you have new friends and you will eventually meet a new guy and all of this will be a distant memory.