I feel like I'm trapped in my life

This is going to be a long post, but I need to rant anonymously really badly and get some advice. Over the last few months, I've gone from being optimistic about my life to feeling like it isn't going nowhere and it feels like I'm making the same mistakes all over again. I've been doing A levels for what will be 3 years come July. The first time around, I fell really far behind in my subjects through fault of my own and gave up around March. I took Chemistry, Physics, Philosophy and Maths, and when my exams were done, I didn't come back until the September of that year. I dropped Maths, Physics and Philosophy, and took Psychology and Sociology in their place. I was optimistic about the future, and I enjoyed my subjects. I felt really good, and although I hadn't done as much revision as I maybe should, I felt like my exams went fine.

How wrong I was. On results day, I opened up my results to find I had got DEE (It later became DDE through remarking, but it's like sprinkling glitter on a turd, really). I was really pissed off and I had no idea how I did so poorly in my exams; I honestly thought I had got at least some C grades, and maybe some B and A grades in some of the better papers. I wanted a full re-mark, but only got it for one subject. I wasn't even sure about what degree I would like to do (Although I really wanted to go to University), and this added to the problems, as now my expected grades would be lower than needed for a good place.

Come September, I had wanted to hit the ground running, but I admittedly had a slow start for the first month due to my errors, but the pressure was building up from other factors. I had (And still have) no idea what university to attend or courses to look at; I have a lot of doubt about if I would want to do Sociology or Psychology at University, and I always seem to fall asleep during lectures, which makes me doubt if it would work for me. None of the courses seem to really resonate with me, except maybe a maths degree with foundation year at East Anglia; however, it feels like I'm holding onto that because I have nothing better to do, which seems to sum up my time at my Sixth Form.

I've additionally lost a lot of time with my classes. During October, I had to fly out to Ireland for an emergency family meeting that ultimately took two weeks to resolve, and I basically lost another week by going on the LFA trip to Auschwitz (It was a really good visit, and I really did enjoy that). So much of the time I had was lost to other factors other than me bunking off. I also missed a lot of university trips, and for many of them, their open day seasons are now over. I'm now essentially 3 weeks behind, but I know that if there was something that I really wanted to do, I would be really enthusiastic to get it. The problem is that it feels like I have nowhere to go, and that my school grades are nothing but a waste of time (I know they aren't, don't state the obvious). I haven't found a degree I would really like to do, and if there was something I wanted to do, it feels like my A levels are in the way. My predicted grades are really low, and my options are really restricted.

Honestly, I don't know where to go. I would like to go to university, but there's no point if I just go do a course I don't care about for the sake of the vibe. I don't want to work straight away, and all the things I enjoy doing (Hanging out with friends and playing video games, particularly Counter-Strike) either can't be monetised or they are very difficult to monetise. Just about two hours ago, I had a rant at my mum about how I feel like my educational life is going nowhere when she gave me a university magazine to look at. It just feels like I'm in school because I have nothing better to do, rather than trying to better myself. I have nowhere to go, and it feels like I'm just going through the motions.

It doesn't help that I seem to want to get things perfect, and it feels like I can give great advice to other people, yet not be able to take the same great advice myself despite myself giving it to me. It's almost as if because it's me, it has to be harder than it really is, like there's a different answer. My perfectionism also makes it really hard to enjoy learning new hobbies, as I find it hard to keep perservering through my adversities unless it's for someone else or if I've been doing that hobby (Likely video games) for years. I put myself to too high of a standard, and it crushes me, yet I keep doing the same mistakes.

Repeating the same mistakes seems to be a regular occurance. It's why I've never got really good at something. It's why I'm failing my A levels like I did two years ago, and it's a habit I have had no idea how to shake. I try to stop it, and it works for a bit, but then I get complacent and start regressing into old habits.

I know I'm not going to get a super enlightening answer - life doesn't work like that, and waiting for inspiration is just another long winded way of spelling LAZY. I guess I'm just putting this out there in the very off chance that I can get some good advice, but mostly it's just to get it all off my chest without doing what I usually do, which is start breaking down screaming at someone who just broke the camel's back that is my emotional burden. Still, at least it might give me some comfort, knowing maybe some mug from Sheffield got a kick out of it.