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I'm not coping.

I kind of just want to vent a bit and get things out. I do psychology by the way.

Basically I'm hating university. I'm so stressed it's unreal, and I just want it to be over. I want to drop out, but in second year I feel it's too late and I'm already too far in. I've got placement next year and I'm seeing it more as time away without deadlines, than treating it as work experience (which it is, and I chose one very complimentary to my career goals).

Every assignment I get, I end up spending about 10-15 hours on it (at the very minimum), and yet I'm underachieving. Last year in the second semester, I got 85, 95, and 85 on practical reports, and 68, 75, 75 in essays. This year so far, I've had 68 on an essay, and 68 on a practical. I literally cry after every assignment I get back because I've gone down so much, and yet try so much harder. I KNOW my assignments are better. I sit with them open to make sure I include all the aspects of my good ones and more. The literature I find and refer to myself has basically doubled, and there are marginal comments (normally regarding subjective things like too many commas). I just don't see how this can warrant such a lower grade. I mean, I am the most self-loathing person there is - so if I think my work is decent, then it must actually be ok.

I know people will read this and think 'ohh boohoo, he's sad because he's getting a 2.1 and not a 1st'. But I just want the best for myself, and know how competitive psychology is due to the high turnout each year. It's frustrating because I know my work is better than before, and yet it's scoring worse. I just don't get it. I'm fed up of putting so much effort in and not getting results.

On top of this. I'm quite depressed. I'm making use of the university's well-being service and having CBT-type counselling every few weeks. I cut in high school and tried to overdose on painkillers once (I know this won't happen again, and I would never cut again, but I'm feeling the same awful feelings as before). On top of this I hate the house I live in. We're just acquaintances living together, no-one speaks unless they must and no-one's really friends. I'm going to have to sort housing next year soon, and all I know is I don't want to live with them again, and all my course friends are sorted already. I try and go out with course people, people from volunteering and societies as much as possible to try and maintain a decent balance. But it's not working. I'm desperately unhappy. I left a club the other night and cried all the way home. I've never been an unhappy drunk, I'm usually overjoyed and sickeningly happy!

It just seems everything's going wrong, and it's all out of my control.

TLDR: AHGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH kill me plz.
I'm in my first year, also studying psychology and I already want to drop out.. are you actually enjoying the work at all? or finding it interesting? I think as you're in your 2nd year and have a placement ahead/maybe new flatmates you have positive new experiences to look forward to, you know when people look forward to a holiday at the end of the year? maybe think of your future experiences like that, do you not have a tutor you can talk to? to understand why your grades are dropping. If CBT and the counselling services aren't helping and neither are the social aspects of uni, maybe try and find some sort of hobby or something that will relax you, maybe even being busy and around people so much is part of the problem, is there anywhere you could just be alone out of the house and have time for yourself to feel free and calm? even just a walk through a park/forest to just be able to think, maybe thats reflecting on my thoughts aswell, I feel claustrophobic in the city and in halls around people 24/7. Hope I helped in some way, you're doing well, think of the idiots like me who want to drop out after 2 months.

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