Is it okay for my boyfriend to be texting a girl he met in a club?

My boyfriend recently went to Vegas with his friends for a week. We are both 24 and have been together for two and a half years. I never had any real concerns about him going and he rang me everyday he was there and texted me constantly. But when he was back I saw that he'd been texting a girl who's name I'd never heard of. So (and I know this is wrong and I wont excuse it) I looked through his phone when he was asleep. Now there was nothing too bad about the messages I saw but I am very upset about it because the fact is this: he was on holiday and in a nightclub, and met a girl with whom he swapped numbers and then proceeded to text for the following few days until I saw. He'd also already deleted most of the messages, which he said he did because he didn't want me to see them and get upset over nothing. The messages he hadn't yet deleted were pretty conversational and not obviously flirtatious so I don't know if I'm overreacting by being so bothered by the situation. Also, when i asked him about it, i (perhaps unfairly) accused him of not loving me in the way i love him. He then responded by telling me he's planning to propose. I mean, how am i supposed to react to that?? I want to know what other people's opinions are on this situation and hopefully gain a bit of perspective, so please don't hold back. I want to know what you think.

Reply 1

stemmery

To be honest, it doesn't seem like he's done anything *that* wrong with her. But I know for a fact, I'd be unhappy if my boyfriend did that, so maybe just explain that it's kind of inappropriate to be swapping numbers with girls in clubs. By all means, I personally think there's nothing wrong with talking to girls in clubs etc, but swapping numbers is a no-no for me. We're all different though.

You're the only one who knows him, what he's capable of, how he treats you, what he would do for you, or wouldn't do to you etc. You need to trust him, and remember that we all make mistakes sometimes.

Then again, I wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend swapped numbers with a girl in a club and then actually text her after, it's a bit much even for me to take. I'm sure it was nothing, he obviously had his reasons - maybe ask him why he felt like he had to do that?

I would just ask him why he did it, why he deleted the messages if there was nothing wrong about them and that you're not comfortable with it, so set your boundaries.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by stemmery

Thank you for your reply. I think boundaries obviously do need to be set.

Reply 3

Treeroy

i don't have a boyfriend but if I did, i'd be freaking LIVID if he TEXTED ANOTHER ****ING PERSON OMFG HOW DARE HE SOCIALISE, HE'S MINE GODDAMNIT

Reply 4

InadequateJusticex

Original post by Treeroy

i don't have a boyfriend but if I did, i'd be freaking LIVID if he TEXTED ANOTHER ****ING PERSON OMFG HOW DARE HE SOCIALISE, HE'S MINE GODDAMNIT

Yeah, but they met at a nightclub. That in itself sends alarm bells already. There's also the fact that he's deleted some messages already - he must have deleted them for a reason. If that doesn't sound fishy to you then quite frankly you're naive...

Reply 5

Treeroy

Original post by InadequateJusticex

I've talked to plenty of people in clubs and got their numbers just cause theyre chill people.

Reply 6

ZuluK

Original post by Treeroy

i don't have a boyfriend but if I did, i'd be freaking LIVID if he TEXTED ANOTHER ****ING PERSON OMFG HOW DARE HE SOCIALISE, HE'S MINE GODDAMNIT

Lol I hope you're being sarcastic 😂😂

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Original post by Treeroy

I've talked to plenty of people in clubs and got their numbers just cause theyre chill people.

So have I, but I don't feel the need to speak to them in the following days after (every day as the OP's post implies).

And if I had a bf, my messages would not need to be deleted to prevent him 'getting upset over nothing'

Reply 9

PinkAcid

I wouldn't be happy if it was my boyfriend especially because he deleted some messages; if he knew they'd get you 'upset over nothing' they obviously had something inflammatory in them to get you upset, if he was seeing her as friends only surely there should ONLY be conversational stuff anyway and nothing would need deleting. I would take the proposal thing with a pinch of salt (not to be cold or anything) but it sounds more like an excuse to make you feel guilty about questioning his loyalty than a genuine thing because why else would he bother messaging another girl to the point that he felt the need to delete her emails? yeah hes fine to have friends and a social life but you wouldn't feel the need to delete a friends messages as thered be only conversational stuff and nothing to get upset over if you get what I mean?

Reply 10

Tiger Rag

I find the whole deleting messages weird. Unless I'm odd in not routinely deleting messages? The OP says "He'd also already deleted most of the messages, which he said he did because he didn't want me to see them and get upset over nothing." - that sounds rather fishy to me.

Reply 11

Zadkiel

I think you should ask yourself:

If this situation was reversed what would he do? :smile:

But to be honest this situation is not acceptable :smile:

Reply 12

Advanced Subsidiary

Original post by OU Student

This. He's already deleted all the dodgy messages and left the conversational ones so you won't get upset. Wouldn't be surprised if he's been sexting tbh.