The Student Room Group

I find having friends exhausting.

I had no friends in primary school. In secondary school I had one friend who I got on really well with but I always felt lonely as she was literally my only friend. I was quite socially awkward and because of my religious parents had to dress in weird clothes.

When I went to university I loved making new friends but didn't find any enduring ones.
5 years ago I suddely became super popular. It seemed almost everyone I met wanted to be my friend and I was being invited to a different place every day.
I chose 6 people who I felt I got on well with and we meet up regularly (none of them know each other) but I find it all a bit exhausting.


I want to maintain the friendships I have but right now it feels like a chore to do so. And the friendships don't feel completely comfortable. It feels like a (platonic) first date every time we meet.
In my first year at uni aged 18 I met a woman and we had so much banter, laughs etc and I felt so comfortable with her meeting up was fun and didn't feel in any way a chore. With all these new friends it feels
So formal and like I can't just relax.

These people are lovely, want to be friends with me and I dont want to alienate them. Is all this normal? I have depression so could that be relevent? I don't like feeling like this. I want to get that fun friendship feeling back. But right now I feel forced to spend time with a load of people I dont fully
Relax with.
Reply 1
Hi, just wondering what happened some years ago that made you popular? Having said that, I can relate somewhat to what you've written. I find big groups and lots of friends draining though I have learnt to be better at it, i.e. socializing in this context. Mostly though, and this may not at all be helpful to you, I grew tired of my own expectations that I ought to be like this, that or the other. I just got tired of the struggle. Now I have 2 very close friends and another 5 or close close acquitances and I find it works. I also got a dog. I don't know if this will help but I came across that quote from Amiel, "learn to be all that you are and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not". I don't if it's accurate or not or even if it's the right context; I heard it in the show " Being Erica"
Reply 2
Original post by lamentas
Hi, just wondering what happened some years ago that made you popular? Having said that, I can relate somewhat to what you've written. I find big groups and lots of friends draining though I have learnt to be better at it, i.e. socializing in this context. Mostly though, and this may not at all be helpful to you, I grew tired of my own expectations that I ought to be like this, that or the other. I just got tired of the struggle. Now I have 2 very close friends and another 5 or close close acquitances and I find it works. I also got a dog. I don't know if this will help but I came across that quote from Amiel, "learn to be all that you are and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not". I don't if it's accurate or not or even if it's the right context; I heard it in the show " Being Erica"


Thanks so much. This definetly helps. I think I just find socialising and getting to know people tiring and haven't met many people I feel comfortable with.
Reply 3
I'm not sure exactly what made me populat but I think it was a combination of learning to dress well and having a new haircut and increasing in confidence.
Same boat m8. I know how important it is to socialise (and I'm trying my best) but at the same time don't want to be "popular"

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