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Guy wants FWB but I want a relationship

there's a guy i've known for about 2 months now, been seeing him for nearly a month.. I really like him, and I hoped it would become a relationship.
I told him how I felt and he told me that he liked me a lot and enjoyed my company but he didn't feel like having a relationship right now.
I asked him how come, and he told me he didn't have a specific reason, just didn't want a girlfriend but he doesn't know what will happen in the future.
I know he is being honest, and I do appreciate that.
I guess I thought we wanted the same thing, because he is soo affectionate and sweet with me when we are together, and we have slept together a few times, but we have spent time together just doing other stuff too, seem to get on really well and have a good laugh.
Anyway, he told me he just sees me as a good friend. I feel silly now, because I told people we were dating, as I thought that's what it was.
I am pretty gutted that he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend. What do you think it could be ,that he doesn't actually like me that much? If you really felt for someone, you'd want to be with them right?

I have to respect what he wants though. I am thinking of ending it ,and saying that we can be friends ,but no more sex. I don't want to carry on this fwb situation in the hope that one day he might want a relationship, and then he might be sleeping with others on the side and whatnot.

Am I right to end it? Does it sound like he doesn't really like me that much?

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Sees you as a **** thing.
Reply 2
Original post by Awesome-o
Sees you as a **** thing.


Yep. as hard as that is, I might just have to accept that. I made it very, very clear that I like him as a person and that I am not only interested in sex. I think I need to have self-respect and end it, it's totally fine if he wants that, but it will have to be with someone who also does.
I'll say this is someone who has been on the other end - end it. I've been a commitment dodger for several years now. I had an FWB quite a while ago and she was always hinting at a relationship even though I made it 100% clear that I had no romantic intentions. We were seeing each other for about 6 months and towards the end she started acting protective and jealous when I talked to other girls and she'd obviously developed feelings, but I had to keep reminding her that we were single. In the end I had to end it, clearly she was just hanging on in hopes of a relationship and I didn't want one, wouldn't have been fair to keep giving her false hope. The worst thing was, it killed a friendship stone dead. If you like him like that and you keep spending time together, having sex etc, your feelings for him will only get stronger and it won't end will if he's never gonna commit.
I'd say end it, if you're not getting what you want out of it there isn't much point in continuing especially if it's becoming an issue, and you'll still be friends which means that if in the near future he does want a relationship you can maybe try again, although don't rely on that :smile:
Reply 5
Original post by WoodyMKC
I'll say this is someone who has been on the other end - end it. I've been a commitment dodger for several years now. I had an FWB quite a while ago and she was always hinting at a relationship even though I made it 100% clear that I had no romantic intentions. We were seeing each other for about 6 months and towards the end she started acting protective and jealous when I talked to other girls and she'd obviously developed feelings, but I had to keep reminding her that we were single. In the end I had to end it, clearly she was just hanging on in hopes of a relationship and I didn't want one, wouldn't have been fair to keep giving her false hope. The worst thing was, it killed a friendship stone dead. If you like him like that and you keep spending time together, having sex etc, your feelings for him will only get stronger and it won't end will if he's never gonna commit.


Hiya, thanks a lot for sharing your point of view, and you're right, we started off as friends after all. The thing is, he says he 'likes me a lot'. But, maybe just not like that. He always comments on how hot, sexy I am etc. but he has called me beautiful and stuff too, and yeah I suppose I genuinely thought it was heading towards a relationship.

I know this might be going into a lot of detail but after sex, we spend a lot of time cuddling and stuff, and I dunno I just thought we were really into each other. I think I need to end it before I develop even more feelings for him and just end up getting hurt, and maybe we can salvage our friendship now at this point.
Reply 6
Original post by Blondie987
I'd say end it, if you're not getting what you want out of it there isn't much point in continuing especially if it's becoming an issue, and you'll still be friends which means that if in the near future he does want a relationship you can maybe try again, although don't rely on that :smile:


Hiya, thanks for the reply.
I guess I just cannot separate sex and feelings, but he obviously can. I might find it tough to be just friends, because I like him so much ,and he knows that. He told me before he 'has to think about it'
But yeah overall he just said he doesn't know what happens in the future... i'm pretty upset but yeah like I said I appreciate that he's been honest about it, and I'll hopefully meet someone eventually who does want a relationship
Don't even think, just do it. Move on from him immediately! Coming from a guy even if he does like you he just isn't feeling you as a girlfriend type for him so definitely cut this party short!

They are two very different things and if you continue then it'll just be worse (for you anyway).

If he's not cool just being friends then write him off completely.

All the best :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by MaseratiJay
Don't even think, just do it. Move on from him immediately! Coming from a guy even if he does like you he just isn't feeling you as a girlfriend type for him so definitely cut this party short!

They are two very different things and if you continue then it'll just be worse (for you anyway).

If he's not cool just being friends then write him off completely.

All the best :smile:


Thanks for your reply :smile: Yeah feeling pretty crappy, I hoped he liked me enough to want to consider me a girlfriend, but I guess not.
i'm just gonna tell him. I'm not gonna allow myself to continue sleeping with him and get more and more hurt...
Original post by Anonymous
Hiya, thanks for the reply.
I guess I just cannot separate sex and feelings, but he obviously can. I might find it tough to be just friends, because I like him so much ,and he knows that. He told me before he 'has to think about it'
But yeah overall he just said he doesn't know what happens in the future... i'm pretty upset but yeah like I said I appreciate that he's been honest about it, and I'll hopefully meet someone eventually who does want a relationship


No problem, trust me it'll pass and you'll be much better off in the long run :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your reply :smile: Yeah feeling pretty crappy, I hoped he liked me enough to want to consider me a girlfriend, but I guess not.
i'm just gonna tell him. I'm not gonna allow myself to continue sleeping with him and get more and more hurt...



Definitely a good idea! I like people like you - know your self worth and go after what you want and deserve! No point you hanging on in the hopes he 'comes round' so I know it's a hard decision but good on you! :smile:
Original post by MaseratiJay
Definitely a good idea! I like people like you - know your self worth and go after what you want and deserve! No point you hanging on in the hopes he 'comes round' so I know it's a hard decision but good on you! :smile:


Thanks :smile: Yeah, by continuing to sleep with him and waiting around, when he could be sleeping with other girls at the same time, etc. I am just degrading myself and will end up hurt.
I think i do deserve a relationship, it is a hard decision as I like him so much, but at least it's ending now than later on down the line, so hopefully it'll be less difficult to move on :smile:
We're going to meet up soon to talk about it, so I'll post on here how it goes :smile:
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks :smile: Yeah, by continuing to sleep with him and waiting around, when he could be sleeping with other girls at the same time, etc. I am just degrading myself and will end up hurt.
I think i do deserve a relationship, it is a hard decision as I like him so much, but at least it's ending now than later on down the line, so hopefully it'll be less difficult to move on :smile:


Original post by Anonymous
We're going to meet up soon to talk about it, so I'll post on here how it goes :smile:


Good luck. You're doing everything that I would advise. Coach yourself through the hurt of this situation by knowing that you stuck to your morals and won't allow yourself to be used and discarded at the whim of another. You are, without a doubt, worth more than he is offering.
Original post by CCC75
Good luck. You're doing everything that I would advise. Coach yourself through the hurt of this situation by knowing that you stuck to your morals and won't allow yourself to be used and discarded at the whim of another. You are, without a doubt, worth more than he is offering.


Thank you very much :smile:

Yeah, I know FWB work well for a lot of people, and I admit, I actually considered it at first a few weeks ago, when my feelings weren't as strong, but now I have found myself really wanting a relationship, and I know that I won't settle for FWB.
I think you should continue to have sex with him.

That way, he might eventually come to see you as a girlfriend.
Original post by Smonnie
I think you should continue to have sex with him.

That way, he might eventually come to see you as a girlfriend.


why is that?
Original post by Anonymous
why is that?


Because it might just become routine to him.

Plus, if you're really good at sexing then he might decide to keep you.
I am sure I have read this thread recently, anyway he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you. He just wants sex with you when he feels like it, nothing more.
Original post by Anonymous
why is that?


Don't do this to yourself OP. Since you're clear on what you want, you should just end it. Even if he does change his mind, how long are you willing to wait? 6 months? A year? 2 years?

Save yourself the heartache and find someone who wants similar things to you.

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