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Eye Catching Personal Statement

Hey, I'm applying for Computer Science at some universities this year, and I'm stuck when writing a personal statement, all the videos Ive watched say to have an opening first line due to fact that you want to catch the admissions tutor's attention. We've all heard the same stuff "They read statements for hours on end, you need to make yours sound unique" etc. But I have no idea how to stand out, so I was wondering if someone could read my opening line, and give feedback?

Opening line:

Pulling phones and computers apart hasn't even come close to fulfilling my craving for knowledge with regards to Computer Science.
Original post by sebbie_99
Hey, I'm applying for Computer Science at some universities this year, and I'm stuck when writing a personal statement, all the videos Ive watched say to have an opening first line due to fact that you want to catch the admissions tutor's attention. We've all heard the same stuff "They read statements for hours on end, you need to make yours sound unique" etc. But I have no idea how to stand out, so I was wondering if someone could read my opening line, and give feedback?

Opening line:

Pulling phones and computers apart hasn't even come close to fulfilling my craving for knowledge with regards to Computer Science.


I think you are worrying too much over this. The evidence shows that for most universities you are highly likely to get offers if your AS and predicted grades match those of the university. Just go with your feelings why you want to study computer science and why
Don't use the word 'craving'. It sounds like you are hungry for Computer Science. Not only does it sound unnatural, but a tad desperate.

Also, don't post any more parts of your PS on TSR.

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