On a practical level, how does an unattractive woman find someone to date?

Put me in a stunning dress, do my make up nicely, style my hair etc. and I'm still invisible to men. I even work out several times a week and I'm a size 8 but no one is attracted to me.

I've been single for a very long time now. No men pursue me, flirt with me or even act friendly with me. I'm not over exaggerating when I say that no man has ever looked twice at me. I tried asking someone out myself and he turned me down.

I really want to know practically how I can realistically find someone to date and have a relationship with.

Thank you

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Reply 1

honestly

Original post by Anonymous

I'm a male btw. Interestingly, you seem to be healthy, well dressed and groomed and that's a good start.

What do you think the problem is? Honestly? Do you think that perhaps, being eager to pursue a relationship has affected how you behave around males and whether it might come across unattractive?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by honestly

I'm not sure to be honest. I'm actually quite shy around men and find it difficult to have them as anything more than a casual friend. I'm intimidated by men, not in the sense of that I think they will attack me or whatever but more like I'm scared that they will hurt me emotionally for some reason. I'm not sure why though. I'm hopeless at flirting as I don't have the confidence to do it so I don't think I'm coming across as desperate, even if I am on the inside. The guy who I confessed to liking had no idea at all that I liked him for instance. I don't let it show. I think I'm ashamed of showing desire as I think no guy will like me back.

Reply 3

angelcake123

Original post by Anonymous

Sometimes when people are shy they come across as anti or uninterested. That might be the issue and deter men from approaching you/asking you out. How old are you btw?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by angelcake123

Sometimes when people are shy they come across as anti or uninterested. That might be the issue and deter men from approaching you/asking you out. How old are you btw?

I'm 25 so I'm not getting any younger :frown:

Despite my shyness I would have thought that a guy would have tried to approach me or get to know me. Even on the occasions where I've faked confidence and been chatty with guys I've not really got anywhere.

Reply 5

Danz123

Original post by Anonymous

I'm 25 so I'm not getting any younger :frown:

Well why not keep faking confidence? Fake it till you make it I say. And don't try to seek out a relationship, just talk to guys, get to know them as you would any girl. We're not monsters who will hurt you emotionally as you say is your fear. When you see a guy you find sexually attractive that you click with, just ask him for a coffee or something. Make it casual. Appear open and chill about his answer, and you'll probably get loads of guys to go on dates with you.

Given your description, you're probably quite attractive. So I doubt it's your appearance you need to worry about. :smile:

Reply 6

Zarek

[QUOTE=Anonymous;60955367]Put me in a stunning dress, do my make up nicely, style my hair etc. and I'm still invisible to men. I even work out several times a week and I'm a size 8 but no one is attracted to me.

I've been single for a very long time now. No men pursue me, flirt with me or even act friendly with me. I'm not over exaggerating when I say that no man has ever looked twice at me. I tried asking someone out myself and he turned me down.

I really want to know practically how I can realistically find someone to date and have a relationship with.

Thank you
So, it's just the same as for men. If you're average, or below, attractiveness you just have to work bloody hard, suffer a lot of knock backs and get there in the end. Play to your strengths, work on your weaknesses and retain faith. That's it..

Reply 7

Mpagtches

Maybe you just need to stop looking; the future maps itself out and untold things will happen along the way :iiam:

Btw, you say you have been single 'for a very long time', so, not forever?
So at least one person has shown interest in you?

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Im kind of the similar situation (22 male) and wish a female would just approach me instead of having myself do the approach, which i am a shy guy.
I guess in your case, if you were to approach me and say get to know me or even out of the blue date, I wouldn't mind at all - in fact for shy guys, I would generally accept as I don't want to do the approach.

Obviously this might be different for complete idiots - e.g. "known players", or social party animals which i am neither lol

Reply 9

Texas.

lol at all the responses in here - "play to your strengths", "confidence is key", "fake it till you make it", - lol , what a load of crap.

As long as they're at least of average or greater attractiveness, women dont have to do any work to get interest from guys. If literally no one is going for OP that means she's below average.

Short of cosmetic surgery, my advice to OP is to try online dating. Online you can exposure to way more guys than you can IRL, so chances of finding someone are greater.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 10

honestly

Original post by Anonymous

Ah, this may be the problem. Maybe it's the fact that your shy and possibly introverted and not social. Also, work on the intimidation factor. It's not hard to see when someone is intimidated or nervous, and this is not off putting in a bad sense, but can cause the person with whom your interacting with to not think of you as more of a casual friend, so as not to make you feel uncomfortable.

Try go counselling or speak to a close, mature, friend. This will help why you are scared. Tbh in life you will come across people who will want to hurt you whether in a relationship, or in the work place or life in general. You need to start working of your ability to separate how detach yourself from the comments and behaviour of people who have no meaningful place in your life. Also, become astute as to who you do draw close to you; these people will have a moving affect on you.

I dislike flirting, I think it's silly personally. I can understand why people of 'flirt'. Just interact with gentleman add a smile, humour and show your serious side. It's those the of men who you want in the long run. A guy who likes your flirt will also like the flirting from other women no doubt.

Don't be scared of people not liking you. Not all peeps like me, my views, my dress or my indian background. In times past it was hard to deal with, but now I couldn't care less. I know me and I would like to think I'm reasonable in most things so reactionaries and strangers i don't give two hooters about. Do the same!

:-)

Just go to a club

Perhaps you seem to look unapproachable when outside e.g. crossing your legs, having a resting -_- face???

Reply 13

Petro_99

hmm I`d say believe in yourself :-)

I`m okayish but I attract a alot of men because of my personality- I`m really chatty and smiley and apparently this makes me attractive!

Don`t put yourself down, the moment you stop looking someone will appear!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Danz123

Yes perhaps I should keep on with faking the confidence. And not be so scared of men! I like the coffee idea although I'm scared of rejection after my last knock back.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by RivalPlayer

Do you live in a major city?

Yes I actually live in London.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Petro_99

I agree with what you said other than the 'the moment you stop looking someone will appear'. I had a long time of not looking and it got me no where and now my youth is gone. I really do believe you have to be active in getting yourself out there. You can't just rely on fate because there are people dying alone every single day.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by sr90

You're a girl, just go to a club

But I'm not after a one night stand I would like more than that.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by thecatwithnohat

Perhaps you seem to look unapproachable when outside e.g. crossing your legs, having a resting -_- face???

Possibly. Even so I've been single for nearly 3 years with no offers I would have thought at least one guy would be brace enough to approach even if my body language is off. I am conscious of it though and try to neutralise my face but I still get nothing.