LNATs Help, please

Ok it has been a while since I wrote an essay so I'm a little rusty. I decided, that to pass my LNATs next year it might be worth putting in a little practice. This is my 40min attempt at this practice question. Please help me improve by pointing out the many flaws this piece has

The internet and instant communication technologies are profoundly changing our world for the better. Do you agree?


The internet, the most widespread method of global communication ever invented by mankind. It has enabled an unparalleled opportunity to find and talk to people all over the world. It allows a voice to all who can access it. We see it’s impacts all around us with people being more connected than they have ever been; or are they more isolated than ever? Does the addicting superficial socialization offered by sites such as twitter and facebook actually result in more loneliness? Does the free flow of ideas actually result in a swamp of lies?

Free speech is perhaps the internet's biggest offer. The cost of setting up a blog are almost non existent. Anyone can become a publisher and give the point of view. This can also be one of the internet's biggest flaws. For it leads to a mass of disinformation. The uninformed could be as visible as the informed. This confuses the consumer of the information and can lead to the perpetuation of lies.

There are no slander laws or rules surrounding individual privacy, like there are in the traditional press, when it comes to the internet. I can say whatever I like about anyone I like anonymously and will have many readers give it the same credence as a well researched informed articles

The next big offer of the internet is access to academic information. Wikipedia is a great example of what can be achieved by a collective of scholars writing a well cited ‘encyclopedia’ on just about all topics. However the internet does encourage intellectual apathy. People often ask “Why should I learn, I can just google it if I ever need to know it.”. In the same way cars lead to laziness, is it not entirely possible that google will lead to bad learning? already there is talk of an ‘exam’ on researching off of the internet. I see this as dangerous to human knowledge and understanding. It will lead to a certain intellectual unhealthiness where people don’t bother becoming experts in a field but will rely on the internet as a crutch to knowledge.

In conclusion I suppose it depends on what you define as ‘better’. It is clear that the internet and instant communications have made a profound difference. However I cannot say that it has made the world better. I am in a generation that grew up at the same time as the internet. I have seen the pre-internet age only for a short space of time. I feel that our more connected world feels to be becoming more isolating. People in a group will stand on their mobile phones. Not being present in the moment and instead focusing of the trivial and superficial world of social media.

P.S. tell me if this is an inappropriate ask for this form.

Good attempt ! Let me start off by saying that the more practice the better as I found that because the essay is last, you are mentally exhausted by the time you get there, so by practising it will make like so much better on the day.

I don't want to openly critique you because I prefer to positively encourage but also because what you have written is pretty good considering the time constraints.

Instead let me give you some personal advice (I sat the LNAT in december 2013 and received 31)

1. Try to make sure you have a well structured essay - the unis love someone that has a well laid out approach to their work and so try to aim for 2-3 arguments and within each always aim for a rebuttal.
For example my essay was on whether I believed that abortion should be legalised. I chose which side I wanted to argue and then thought of my 3 main arguments that I wanted to set out. Then whenever I was discussing one of my points I always made sure that I laid out the alternative view and rebutted it to strengthen my case. At the end of the day as a lawyer you will be picking at the opponents argument and stating why you have the superior side.
2. It isn't an English essay, so whilst putting lots of open questions across and using fancy English techniques are nice, the main point of the essay is about showing potential law schools that you are able to pick apart a subject and try to persuade them that you are essentially right in what you are saying. Therefore, an essay that is slightly more basic in style but has a stronger argument is more favourable.
3.Bringing your personal opinion is good but try to convey not just why you think it is good but why everyone should believe in your opinion. For example, if you were arguing about the importance of education, you wouldn't just say "I strongly believe that an educational system is beneficial" but you would say "it is blatantly clear that society needs an educational system in order to best develop and advance.."
4. Your essay should have an introduction and conclusion. The introduction should be very brief: outline the question asked and then outline the side of the argument you would like to discuss.
Your conclusion should follow a similar pattern. Re-state your belief and then briefly gloss over 1 or 2 of your arguments which strengthen your position.

Hope this helps !