[Bandev]

I wrote most of this last year, then changed the end this year. This is probably mostly pretentious BS, I am not sure I don't tend to notice when I am pretentious. Please do comment though.

Untitled

Scars,
Falling down your face,
Wear them like scars of war,
But what do they show.
Love?
Is it worth it?


Eyes,
What do you see?
Holes,
Empty judging,
That causes life and death.

Happiness,
Is what without,
Without, desolation,
Or tenebrous lies.

Substance,
And substances,
Why do we want?
To know?
Do you want it?

Life,
Is crying,
Smiling,
Eternally,
For no reason,
But emotion.

Feel hate, need love, want anger, loose depression, find despondency, gain joviality, choose rejection, give empathy, make miserable, hide everything, reveal everything, steal satisfaction, break from gloomy, mend to glum, shake indifference, be emotive.

[starchild]

I this poem. its amazing

I love the way its structured and spoken aloud. its amazing

[AverageGuyOnTheStreet]

I like your poem. It's not silly

[Bandev]

I wrote that and a soon as I posted the thread I thought how stupid am I? And know I am not sure how to change it.
I am glad you like it.

[ßlαcksωαn]

You didn't tell me you could write good poems!
Anyway I like this it's very emotive

[Bandev]

Well thank you,
I didn't tell you because this is my best one, so it not really something, that I can do this is a one off, my other ones really are silly.

[ßlαcksωαn]

(Original post by Bandev)
Well thank you,
I didn't tell you because this is my best one, so it not really something, that I can do this is a one off, my other ones really are silly.

I don't believe they could be "silly"

[AverageGuyOnTheStreet]

Seconding all the opinions that have already been posted on this thread, I really like emotional poetry. To me, poetry should be about emotion. Please don't start dissing your poems as I am sure that they will all be just as good.

[Bandev]

Thanks for the faith but my other poetry defintiely isn't as emotive as this one.
I'll prove it.

Tree

At the tree tops
Spring sugar droplets,
A desirable
Fruit of living labour.

Roots and stems, strong; soft,
Saw teeth, ripping flesh,
Its basis gives way,
If its roots are shallow.

Fruits may fall but bruise,
Still the reaper garners
Rewards of success.
Don’t disturb the malicious mistletoe.

O! oh

oh My god!
I broke My nail.
Oh my god!
you broke My lip gloss.
oMyg!
I broke My iPod.
oMYg
I used all your makeup, oops!

oops!
I forgot her birthday.
OOPS!
you forgot MY birthday.
oops
I forgot her
oh well
OOPS!
I Broke My Glass!
Oh NO!!

Orange Moon Tonight

Moon peeks through the grey sky,
Sieves through Pupils’ glee,
Unearths what Moon needs,
Full and zealous haze,
Reassured, winks ‘Goodnight’.

Moon wakes drunken from Pupils’ haze,
Falling across the foggy stage
Eye blood-shot, like Sun’s in the days,
Collapses, to fall not into Atlas’ strong arms,
But into space,

To finally see what Sun sooner saw.
Through the beauty of Iris,
Pupil’s whore, into his darkest core,
Sun sprints across the sea of sky,
To lie under Night’s dark shawl.

Moon’s bright, no longer contained in night,
But to see eye to eye with wise Sun,
For just one night,
Gave Moon new, haunting light.
Scared to even crescent,
The shawl could no longer maintain
The dark, in Moon’s glaring bright.

Moon opened his eye,
Complete and white,
Moon whimper in the blinding glare
‘Leave me, I just want to go.”

But when Moon saw clearer,
The colours and dazzling delights of Iris
Took hold of Moon and drew Moon in.
Locked in Iris’ seductive power,
Moon blinked white and almost blue.

Sun saw red from white
When Pupil arrived.
Dark from colour,
Pupil and Iris would not
Entrap Sun, for Sun is wise.

But poor Moon was given red from white,
Was not full enough,
And became a prisoner to Pupil,
Only allowed to see in shades.

This(below) is the only one that comes close but its not finished

Cool water, strokes thee marble,
Claws into me, arousing my surface.
Upwards, the pearls oscillating, downwards,
Waterfalls, of the wire, glowing,
Thee release is nigh.

The frozen touch crests, my chest,
The light

[pebbleova]

Orange Moon Tonight what a brill poem, i take it this is one of your hobbies? I never used to like poetry when studing it at school but now its a totaly differnt kettle of fish!

[Bandev]

Thank you, it is a hobbie, but more of a spontaneous, when I have insipiration thing. I really like studying poems but I know plenty that don't ;yes;

[AverageGuyOnTheStreet]

These other poems are still good

[Profesh]

Mainly piecemeal and decidedly lacking in semantic and semiotic cohesion, although 'Orange Moon Tonight' very nearly manages to be good. 'O!', however (and, ironically, the one entry which doesn't appear to obsess over 'depth'), is wonderfully angry and vehement and pithy and sarcastic (publishably so, provided a modicum of refinement), and exhibits a keen sense for cadence; and your line, "Don’t disturb the malicious mistletoe" bears an exquisite, almost poignant euphony which I thoroughly enjoyed (albeit in isolation from its context).

Regardless, you have potential. Obviously.

[herbal bug]

Bandev you smooo..theyre both great poems.!!

[yenohcif]

hey bandev!! you really good at poems do you?

[HMSChocolate]

Bandev...! you closet poet! this is amazing. I love the Moonlight poem!

[Bandev]

Thank you, your all so kind.
HMS I am a bit of a closet poet, not many people at all know I write poetry, just 2 friends, and then they haven't even seen the poems,
PS thanks for the rep HB and the other person who didn't leave their name.

[HMSChocolate]

lol didn't I leave my name? Sorry that was me.

[Bandev]

Aww thankies HMS
I probably could have guessed that by the comment but did want to assume as my assumptions tend to be wrong

[HMSChocolate]

(Original post by Bandev)
Aww thankies HMS
I probably could have guessed that by the comment but did want to assume as my assumptions tend to be wrong

How could you have guessed through the comment??