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Uni is killing me

Anonymous #1

I don't think I can cope in uni, despite going to uni feeling very optimistic . I kind of felt pressured by my teachers and parents to go, despite warning signs implying that I should not i.e crippling social anxiety, slipping academic performance, horrific social retardation from being isolated and having no friends and general lack of motivation. I'm becoming a last minute person, when I was in secondary I always got really good marks in course work because I always finshed my essays 2 weeks before the due date. I feel this was only possible because I wanted my teacher to leave me alone and they geniunely believed in me.

I was already really depressed due to aforemention social anxiety and isolation, but now in university its even worse. Atleast in secondary school I had acquaintances I could have a laugh with ever now and then. Now I'm completely alone. I've never been around people who are are so confident and well spoken with good self-esteem, its incredibly intimidating and I feel so pathetic in their presence. Its so difficult to try and make friends because I have the mentality of a 12 year old in comparison to all the people in my course. When we have to speak in groups in seminars, they all ignore me and treat me like I don't exist and its so difficult to get a word in. I don't even bother with seminars any more because of this. Theres pretty much no activity for me that doesn't involve partying and sports, two things I despise, that would help me meet people. But even if i meet someone I like, I can't talk to them.

I want to quit uni to take time to improve myself mentally and find motivation for life again, but I'm so scared my parents will think I'm a failure and get angry at me. I don't want to be a failure. University feels like the worst decision i've ever made in my life, but I have no plan B.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to speak ny mind and hopefully hear some opinions and advice.

Reply 1

Nerwen

I was in a very similar situation to you.

My anxiety meant I didn't take part in Fresher's week, I ended up never even knowing my flatmates' names as I refused to see them. I stopped going to workshops and tutorials at all.
In the second term I stopped attending lectures also, I wasn't getting my work done and I fell behind. I let it all get on top of me, I was on my iwn and struggling and it was only getting worse. By the end of the second term I was admitted to hospital, I was in there for nearly a month.

I was ready to give up on University, I felt I couldn't cope and I needed to get help before going back. I ended up teaching myself the material for the year in a few weeks and sitting my exams in the Summer. This meant I didn't get any time to take a break, calm down and try and sort out my health. It didn't help that when I got back to University, they were already inviting me to PhD events because of my great first year results. It just felt like there was a lot of pressure for me to continue, and I was expected to succeed when the truth was that I was struggling (I honestly didn't believe I could achieve what they expected of me).

When my second year started I was certain that I was not going to be able to cope. However now I was diagnosed I had to start seeing a doctor regularly, this was the turning point.

At my first appointment I was referred for the highest level CBT they could offer, I was then referred to my University's Mental Health Advisory Service and I was emailed with an appointment. My advisor then set me up with my department's councillor and the Disability Support Team. I have had a lot of meetings and assessments for treatments and funding, but now I have all of the support I need. I have a recorder so that I can record all of my lectures (I chose this over a note-taker) and I have to have access to all of the notes used. I have a mentor (which is a separate thing from a tutor) I see about my work and how far behind I am (this is a good motivator for staying on top of things, as I don't want to have to keep meeting with them) which lectures I have missed etc. I also receive extra time in exams and I have my exams with a small group of people, this has been very good as it has meant that I have been with the same 5/6 people for all of my exams which has allowed me to get to know a small group of people on my course. I have also had the manner in which I want to contribute to tutorials and workshops made clear to those that run them, so that I can participate in a way I feel comfortable.

I have also started following the University's mental health societies, they set up events like 'crafternoons', these events give me the opportunity to be around others like me in a calm and casual environment with no pressure to interact if I don't want to (and I can have plenty of tea too).

My point is that before you leave your course, look at all of the support available to you. There is a lot the University can offer you, in terms of help with your course and helping you find events and societies that suit you and your needs. Thanks to my University, I found out about a no alcohol bar in town, and I have since been to poetry slams there (I did have to leave early though) organised by one of the mental health societies.

I didn't feel like there was any way for anyone to help me, but I have been proven wrong. I have been completely overwhelmed by the support offered to me, both on the academic side and social side. So I would strongly advise you to make an appointment with your doctor and speak to someone in your department before making the decision to leave, you might be surprised by the results.

If things don't improve, then it may be right for you to leave your course, but don't forget to discuss this with your department first. Your department can help you decide if this is the right decision for you, and if it is then you leave the University knowing that you have people supporting your decision.

Regardless of what you choose to do, it is important to talk to your parents and explain to them what is wrong, and that you are seeking support.

Remember just because you leave now, it doesn't mean that you can't come back. :smile:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

username1155480

I know this isn't a solution, however it can be useful. When ever I was anxious about going out, meeting new people, I would always get tipsy drunk (by my self or a closer group of friends) before the actual pre-drinks to make myself more confident and less self aware. Of course this only works if the occasion is a night out. :smile:

A tip for the seminars would be to start speaking at the start and especially in the next semester, try and talk from the get go. This will establish your self within the group dynamic as a speaker, not just another silent student. Hope this helps!

Reply 3

samkent6

Original post by Anonymous

This is me all over. I started college for the second time again after taking a year out to just work. I have really enjoyed it up until the last few weeks where everyone in my class seems to have a hatred towards me for no apparent reason, they are always off with me, and hardly ever acknowledge my presence. And my social anxiety has completely taken over at the start of my Christmas break, nobody has messaged me once to check up on me, and I don't even want to go back because it is clear no one likes me. I just want to leave

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Reply 4

Drax101

I really understand you, this was me when I was a teenager.

University wise, you could sit next to someone and say something relevant like "what do you think of this module/topic", "what are your ambitions" etc. Or sit next to someone in workshops, seminars and say the same thing.

Also, join clubs which interest you, societies, volunteer. As one of the posters mentioned, find what support you can get. In this way, you are not isolated and you can make friends.

PM me if you want to!

Reply 5

jpking10

I have a recorder so that I can record all of my lectures (I chose this over a note-taker) and I have to have access to all of the notes used.

This is great advice which has really helped me, but I use it in conjunction with note-taking so I never have to worry if the lecture goes too fast for me at the time. Also it means I tend to spend more time paying attention to the lecture.

The only issue I've found is that I spent a lot of time trying to find certain bits of my lectures when listening back. To fix this I use an app on Android called Imits alongside my audio recorder which lets me make timestamps when important/interesting things are said and it has saved me a lot of time, it also gives you a number which you can reference in your written notes so that you can know what time different sections of your notes start at.

Reply 6

Nerwen

Original post by jpking10

I got software with my recorder so that when I clicked a button on my recorder and made a timestamp, it would match the recording to different points in the slide or lectures notes. I have been able to sort out my recordings very well with this.

I have found it to be very good, however I may look into the app that you mentioned.

Reply 7

jpking10

Original post by Nerwen

I got software with my recorder so that when I clicked a button on my recorder and made a timestamp, it would match the recording to different points in the slide or lectures notes.

That's a really cool feature! What's the recorder called?

Reply 8

Nerwen

Original post by jpking10

That's a really cool feature! What's the recorder called?

The recorder is an Olympus DM-670.
The software I use is called Sonocent Audio Notetaker. :biggrin:

Reply 9

jpking10

Original post by Nerwen

The recorder is an Olympus DM-670.
The software I use is called Sonocent Audio Notetaker. :biggrin:

So the way that works is you record your lectures, then go home and use that software to annotate the recording as you listen back through it?

Reply 10

Nerwen

Original post by jpking10

So the way that works is you record your lectures, then go home and use that software to annotate the recording as you listen back through it?

You can annotate it if you want. I just make timestamps with my recorder so that when I upload the recordings to my computer they match up with the different slides and parts of the notes. Sometimes I will add annotations if I want, or choose to break it up more to add something.

It is really easy to use and I have found it to be a great help. :smile: