Relationship issues
So I'm having some issues with my gf rn, she doesn't have many friends or hobbies and I feel like she always wants to spend time with me and when I don't either when I'm doing work or want to hang out with the guys she gets abit upset or annoyed? and it makes me feel quite guilty sometimes and I dont't feel like I have any personal space or time to do my own thing. I also feel I have to sacrafice what I want to do myself just so she doesn't get annoyed because I feel like its my fault.
I keep feeling like I'm only doing things to make her happy and I'm having to adjust myself and what I want to do to fit in with her? She claims that my friends don't like her but they don't seem to have problems with anyone else. She's abit socially awkward and I feel like she suffers from depression and I've told her to seek help but she doesn't really take my advice.
I feel shes abit too needy and clingy and when I don't reciprocate the same feelings she thinks I'm not in love with her or i don't love her or I'm not as serious about the relationship.
She tells me I'm her everything which I don't feel is right, I feel as if she had friends then I'd have more space to myself and things would be better but she keeps saying people don't like her and she doesn't know what to talk about with people? I don't know what she'd do if I broke up with her because we spend a lot of time together and she'd definitely be crushed and heartbroken especially because she won't really have anyone to turn to either.
What should I do??
I keep feeling like I'm only doing things to make her happy and I'm having to adjust myself and what I want to do to fit in with her? She claims that my friends don't like her but they don't seem to have problems with anyone else. She's abit socially awkward and I feel like she suffers from depression and I've told her to seek help but she doesn't really take my advice.
I feel shes abit too needy and clingy and when I don't reciprocate the same feelings she thinks I'm not in love with her or i don't love her or I'm not as serious about the relationship.
She tells me I'm her everything which I don't feel is right, I feel as if she had friends then I'd have more space to myself and things would be better but she keeps saying people don't like her and she doesn't know what to talk about with people? I don't know what she'd do if I broke up with her because we spend a lot of time together and she'd definitely be crushed and heartbroken especially because she won't really have anyone to turn to either.
What should I do??
Original post by Anonymous
So I'm having some issues with my gf rn, she doesn't have many friends or hobbies and I feel like she always wants to spend time with me and when I don't either when I'm doing work or want to hang out with the guys she gets abit upset or annoyed? and it makes me feel quite guilty sometimes and I dont't feel like I have any personal space or time to do my own thing. I also feel I have to sacrafice what I want to do myself just so she doesn't get annoyed because I feel like its my fault.
I keep feeling like I'm only doing things to make her happy and I'm having to adjust myself and what I want to do to fit in with her? She claims that my friends don't like her but they don't seem to have problems with anyone else. She's abit socially awkward and I feel like she suffers from depression and I've told her to seek help but she doesn't really take my advice.
I feel shes abit too needy and clingy and when I don't reciprocate the same feelings she thinks I'm not in love with her or i don't love her or I'm not as serious about the relationship.
She tells me I'm her everything which I don't feel is right, I feel as if she had friends then I'd have more space to myself and things would be better but she keeps saying people don't like her and she doesn't know what to talk about with people? I don't know what she'd do if I broke up with her because we spend a lot of time together and she'd definitely be crushed and heartbroken especially because she won't really have anyone to turn to either.
What should I do??
I keep feeling like I'm only doing things to make her happy and I'm having to adjust myself and what I want to do to fit in with her? She claims that my friends don't like her but they don't seem to have problems with anyone else. She's abit socially awkward and I feel like she suffers from depression and I've told her to seek help but she doesn't really take my advice.
I feel shes abit too needy and clingy and when I don't reciprocate the same feelings she thinks I'm not in love with her or i don't love her or I'm not as serious about the relationship.
She tells me I'm her everything which I don't feel is right, I feel as if she had friends then I'd have more space to myself and things would be better but she keeps saying people don't like her and she doesn't know what to talk about with people? I don't know what she'd do if I broke up with her because we spend a lot of time together and she'd definitely be crushed and heartbroken especially because she won't really have anyone to turn to either.
What should I do??
You can't ask the internet to solve your problems, we know nothing about this girl, nor the situation.
The only plausable thing to do is just talk to her about it, seriously, since it's clearly annoying you more than someone's love and attention should.
I'm just asking for advice and if anyone has been involved in similar situations
I can't relate on all levels but my other half doesn't have any friends of his own and it was an adjustment when we first met as I was quite a social butterfly and had a relatively big group of tight-knit friends. Your girlfriend needs to accept that she isn't the main focus in your life and that you have other people to split your time with. She shouldn't be upset by this as this is you and your life and it doesn't revolve around her! At the same time, obviously your time with your friends won't be so frequent as you now have someone else in your life that also needs time dedicating to them. It's just a balancing act and it's one that may take some time for you to find the right levels of.
I'd definitely encourage your girlfriend to try and find a hobby however. My other half still doesn't have any other friends but he's a big gamer, so any time not spent together he has something to occupy himself with, meaning I don't have to feel guilty.
If you think she's suffering with depression, encourage her to speak to a doctor as much as possible, it doesn't sound like she has many other people to talk to and it can be a lot for you to take on board. A neutral person to unload on can often help for people with depression I've found.
Good luck!
I'd definitely encourage your girlfriend to try and find a hobby however. My other half still doesn't have any other friends but he's a big gamer, so any time not spent together he has something to occupy himself with, meaning I don't have to feel guilty.
If you think she's suffering with depression, encourage her to speak to a doctor as much as possible, it doesn't sound like she has many other people to talk to and it can be a lot for you to take on board. A neutral person to unload on can often help for people with depression I've found.
Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
So I'm having some issues with my gf rn, she doesn't have many friends or hobbies and I feel like she always wants to spend time with me and when I don't either when I'm doing work or want to hang out with the guys she gets abit upset or annoyed? and it makes me feel quite guilty sometimes and I dont't feel like I have any personal space or time to do my own thing. I also feel I have to sacrafice what I want to do myself just so she doesn't get annoyed because I feel like its my fault.
I keep feeling like I'm only doing things to make her happy and I'm having to adjust myself and what I want to do to fit in with her? She claims that my friends don't like her but they don't seem to have problems with anyone else. She's abit socially awkward and I feel like she suffers from depression and I've told her to seek help but she doesn't really take my advice.
I feel shes abit too needy and clingy and when I don't reciprocate the same feelings she thinks I'm not in love with her or i don't love her or I'm not as serious about the relationship.
She tells me I'm her everything which I don't feel is right, I feel as if she had friends then I'd have more space to myself and things would be better but she keeps saying people don't like her and she doesn't know what to talk about with people? I don't know what she'd do if I broke up with her because we spend a lot of time together and she'd definitely be crushed and heartbroken especially because she won't really have anyone to turn to either.
What should I do??
I keep feeling like I'm only doing things to make her happy and I'm having to adjust myself and what I want to do to fit in with her? She claims that my friends don't like her but they don't seem to have problems with anyone else. She's abit socially awkward and I feel like she suffers from depression and I've told her to seek help but she doesn't really take my advice.
I feel shes abit too needy and clingy and when I don't reciprocate the same feelings she thinks I'm not in love with her or i don't love her or I'm not as serious about the relationship.
She tells me I'm her everything which I don't feel is right, I feel as if she had friends then I'd have more space to myself and things would be better but she keeps saying people don't like her and she doesn't know what to talk about with people? I don't know what she'd do if I broke up with her because we spend a lot of time together and she'd definitely be crushed and heartbroken especially because she won't really have anyone to turn to either.
What should I do??
Hello man, I would recommend that you just go about life as normal. When you're with your pals switch your phone off and don't reply. If she gets agg with you you have to tell her that you have friends and they're important to you. If she's a good girlfriend she would understand that and let you be. She probably really loves you and wants to spend time with you. If you love her then you'll have to explain the problem, but put it across in a way that doesn't offend her. You just have to explain it to her, if she can't change or understand then you may have to leave, or fight through it! Up to you 🙂
I just sometimes also feel she makes me choose between friends and her? because she doesn't get along with my friends and when I want to spend time with them more I feel like I can't, I've told her about this before and she just doesn't understand.
I've told her my priorities are Work, friends and then her and she seems to get so upset by this just because she puts me ahead of her friends just because shes my "girlfriend" she thinks I need to do the same? and if that isnt the case I don't love her as much?
Also when we're together she just tells me she loves me like 4-5-6 times a night which i think is abit too much? I obviously reply with I love you too or occasionally its me who says I love you but i just feel like I'm starting to say it only because she says it which doesn't sit right with me. She says she only says it that much because shes in love with me and if I was in love with her it wouldnt be a problem and it wouldn't seem as needy? Am I just being a dick? or is there some issues here?
I've told her my priorities are Work, friends and then her and she seems to get so upset by this just because she puts me ahead of her friends just because shes my "girlfriend" she thinks I need to do the same? and if that isnt the case I don't love her as much?
Also when we're together she just tells me she loves me like 4-5-6 times a night which i think is abit too much? I obviously reply with I love you too or occasionally its me who says I love you but i just feel like I'm starting to say it only because she says it which doesn't sit right with me. She says she only says it that much because shes in love with me and if I was in love with her it wouldnt be a problem and it wouldn't seem as needy? Am I just being a dick? or is there some issues here?
Original post by Anonymous
I just sometimes also feel she makes me choose between friends and her? because she doesn't get along with my friends and when I want to spend time with them more I feel like I can't, I've told her about this before and she just doesn't understand.
I've told her my priorities are Work, friends and then her and she seems to get so upset by this just because she puts me ahead of her friends just because shes my "girlfriend" she thinks I need to do the same? and if that isnt the case I don't love her as much?
Also when we're together she just tells me she loves me like 4-5-6 times a night which i think is abit too much? I obviously reply with I love you too or occasionally its me who says I love you but i just feel like I'm starting to say it only because she says it which doesn't sit right with me. She says she only says it that much because shes in love with me and if I was in love with her it wouldnt be a problem and it wouldn't seem as needy? Am I just being a dick? or is there some issues here?
I've told her my priorities are Work, friends and then her and she seems to get so upset by this just because she puts me ahead of her friends just because shes my "girlfriend" she thinks I need to do the same? and if that isnt the case I don't love her as much?
Also when we're together she just tells me she loves me like 4-5-6 times a night which i think is abit too much? I obviously reply with I love you too or occasionally its me who says I love you but i just feel like I'm starting to say it only because she says it which doesn't sit right with me. She says she only says it that much because shes in love with me and if I was in love with her it wouldnt be a problem and it wouldn't seem as needy? Am I just being a dick? or is there some issues here?
That's what I'm trying to say, she shouldn't be making you choose between your friends and her. If she really loved you shed respect that you can see your friends and see her too. There clearly is something wrong, if you've tried to explain it to her then maybe she seriously does need help. As I don't know anyone in a relationship who wouldn't be pleased to see their other half happy with others as well as yourself. That depends how much you see her, I'd argue that if you put work/friends first but still see her a few times a week or whatever that's fine. Just talk to her and say you feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, and she needs to take a step back.
She shouldn't be making you choose, you should be choosing to spend time with her, not being forced to!
That being said, I'd be extremely upset if my boyfriend told me everything else in his life came before me! I'm pretty sure Fallout is a bigger priority than me currently, but I don't need to be told that!
Re the telling you she loves you thing, my other half used to say it twice as much as I did. I pulled him up on it and said I wasn't comfortable saying it that much and he said I can say it as much or as little as I want, just as long as I mean it when I do say it.
That being said, I'd be extremely upset if my boyfriend told me everything else in his life came before me! I'm pretty sure Fallout is a bigger priority than me currently, but I don't need to be told that!
Re the telling you she loves you thing, my other half used to say it twice as much as I did. I pulled him up on it and said I wasn't comfortable saying it that much and he said I can say it as much or as little as I want, just as long as I mean it when I do say it.
If your girlfriend is depressed then you're probably the only thing that lifts her out of that slightly; however you should encourage her to go to her gp for help and be supportive. She needs to realise that she is not the only person in your life, but I wouldn't have told her that everything else came first. For me, my priorities are uni and work, then my boyfriend and friends are equal, she just needs to understand that you need to see both, once you've found the right balance I'm sure everything will be okay
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thanks guys, I guess I'll just speak to her about it. I see her 4/5 times a week? We usually sleep together most nights but I guess I haven't really got the balance quite right, I'm also doing quite a heavy workload course so most of my time has been dedicated to that and applying for internships etc, so when I do have some free time I just feel like its going all to her and not myself or friends.
Guess I'll just have to speak about it with her once I get back to uni and see where it goes from there
Guess I'll just have to speak about it with her once I get back to uni and see where it goes from there
OP, I can relate to your girlfriend a lot, actually. I do have friends but I'm an introvert and find it so much more comfortable to be on my own, and I do have hobbies (solitary ones) so I'm perfectly capable of whiling away time myself, but my relationship is a huge part of my life and if I feel that my boyfriend isn't very keen on spending time with me I'd worry that something is going wrong with our relationship. To be honest I'd consider it a pretty bad sign if my boyfriend prioritises his friends over me.
It sounds like that your girlfriend might be suffering from low self esteem (like me), which leads her to think that other people including your friends dislike her, and feels that she's not worthy of your attention when you'd rather spend time apart. I'd say the best thing you can do is to reassure her that she means a lot to you, and that when you choose to do things without her it's because you need some space to yourself, and not because she's low down on your priorities. Do you still keep in touch with her when you're not with each other? You can send her an occasional text when you're hanging out with your friends to show that she's still on your mind.
If you've already brought up seeing a doctor for depression and she refuses, there's no point in bringing it up again. She'll seek help when she feels like it, but being told over and over that you need help can make someone feel like they're a broken thing that needs fixing.
It sounds like that your girlfriend might be suffering from low self esteem (like me), which leads her to think that other people including your friends dislike her, and feels that she's not worthy of your attention when you'd rather spend time apart. I'd say the best thing you can do is to reassure her that she means a lot to you, and that when you choose to do things without her it's because you need some space to yourself, and not because she's low down on your priorities. Do you still keep in touch with her when you're not with each other? You can send her an occasional text when you're hanging out with your friends to show that she's still on your mind.
If you've already brought up seeing a doctor for depression and she refuses, there's no point in bringing it up again. She'll seek help when she feels like it, but being told over and over that you need help can make someone feel like they're a broken thing that needs fixing.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Is my issue worth of therapy?
- dating someone whose parents weren't together
- What to do in this situation?
- Will he ever propose? I feel as though I’m not important
- Do I break up with her
- Wanting companionship
- Paper 3 psychology
- Relationship
- Dumped my ex and regret it, how can I get her back?
- We are not the right match but love each other
- relationship (little hiccup)
- Healing Stage
- Helpppp
- Advise on this date
- Honestly, is this normal for a first relationship? I have doubts a lot
- Confession: I'm a serial cheater
- Seeing ex on dating sites
- When is it ok to have feelings for someone else after a breakup?
- boyfriends
- Would you be happy if your boyfriend did this?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 3 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 3 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about