Let's talk about "toxic people"

-In your words, how would you define someone who is toxic?

In my mind, a toxic person is someone who is extremely manipulative and controlling. They take advantage of people who are generous and open, and resent those who are strong-minded and opinionated. They seem friendly enough when you first meet them, once you get closer to them, they try to exert control over you, push limits, and explode when you refuse or try to step back. They will go out of their way to spite you consistently, before switching back to being nice and normal.

-How do you deal with them?

In my opinion, toxic people are best kept at a distance. If you share a friendship group with them or have no choice in being physically close to them, it's really best to just not let them get too close/comfortable with you so they feel they can start their toxic behavior. It's much better to have one of these people to hate you, than to have them think they can treat you how they like. Sometimes, calmly telling them that saying/doing that is not okay can be effective, although it doesn't guarantee a reasonable response.

-Do you think being toxic is a case of nature or nurture?

Both. I don't think it's a case of upbringing as it is the friends they have. If they are surrounded by people who tell them "no" consistently, they will eventually adapt their behavior to friendly all the time, due to the need to be liked all humans have. If they find themselves constantly being rewarded (by having their friends/family forgiving them) for being nice, after being unkind/rude, they will get into the habit of flitting between the two behaviors, testing the limits of those around them. Additionally some cases such as autism, bipolar can effect this, but it's not an excuse, and shouldn't hinder your ability to put your foot down.

-Is it possible for someone to "reform" from being toxic?

Yes, if they the people around them tell them that it's not okay to act like that. They are fueled by forgiving, neutral people who want to avoid disputes at all costs. Once they realize this is no longer the case, they will feel pressured into being better behaved, as they still want to be liked by as many people as possible. However, when surrounded by very forgiving people, they will continue their toxic behavior, knowing that they can act like that because it will not merit any serious consequences.

idk why I'm asking I'm just interested as a psychology student I guess who's had experience with toxic people. What are your thoughts??

Reply 1

shawn_o1

21

thus, everyone is toxic :rolleyes:

(i'd only put people in positions of power in this category, you never hear of a responsible leader because it's always the corrupt, greedy, power-for-the-sake-of-power cronies that get the attention...)

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

dean01234

19

Original post by shawn_o1

thus, everyone is toxic :rolleyes:

How so?

Reply 3

Longshot700

3

Yeah, I've know a few. Cut them out and now I'm the happiest i've ever been.

No friends are better than bad friends, if only I knew this a few years ago.

Reply 4

shawn_o1

21

Original post by dean01234

How so?

because trying to change someone's behaviour to suit your own needs is by her definition a "toxic" behaviour, I'd have thought it's better to accommodate the person's behaviour, and if you can't, cut him or her out of your life?

Reply 5

Incredible97

12

How do you deal with them?

A nice wood baseball bat with half inch steel spikes embedded in the head.

Works like a charm.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 6

Betelgeuse-

19

Someone who's personality and behaviour cause disharmony amongst people

Reply 7

dean01234

19

Original post by shawn_o1

because trying to change someone's behaviour to suit your own needs is by her definition a "toxic" behaviour, I'd have thought it's better to accommodate the person's behaviour, and if you can't, cut him or her out of your life?

To some extent I do agree, but I think you've simplified the OP too much.

Key differences for me being: Extremely controlling, exploitation of generosity and the switching between good /bad. So for me I don't think trying to change a toxic persons behaviour is necessarily toxic in itself. (by OP's definition)

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

Flozzie543

OP

16

Original post by shawn_o1

because trying to change someone's behaviour to suit your own needs is by her definition a "toxic" behaviour, I'd have thought it's better to accommodate the person's behaviour, and if you can't, cut him or her out of your life?

But what do you get out of putting up with people who don't treat you well? Surely it's better to save yourself the grief and cut them out once they start behaving that way.

Reply 9

Flozzie543

OP

16

Original post by Incredible97

How do you deal with them?

A nice wood baseball bat with half inch steel spikes embedded in the head.

Works like a charm.

bahahahaha xD

Reply 10

Flozzie543

OP

16

Original post by dean01234

To some extent I do agree, but I think you've simplified the OP too much.

Key differences for me being: Extremely controlling, exploitation of generosity and the switching between good /bad. So for me I don't think trying to change a toxic persons behaviour is necessarily toxic in itself. (by OP's definition)

I mean that if you hope for a toxic person to change their behaviour, I believe you let them know that their unreasonable behavior (being cruel, taking advantage etc. etc) is not accepted.

Toxic people, on the other hand, will loudly express that behavior that disagrees with them in any way, such as a difference in opinion, protesting again hurtful actions/words, is absolutely not okay. They rarely apologize for their actions, and expect you to apologize instead.

Hope that clears it up.

Let's talk about "toxic people"

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