Worried that my best friends have ditched me
Okay so I have two best friends and I have known them since Year 7. We used to do everything together and we have a strong bond between us and even though we all went to different sixth forms, we kept in touch.
However me and one of them had to retake the year. It was tough, it was difficult to keep in contact but we made it work. Summer came, we all reunited and caught up, we all talked about uni etc.
Last September, my friend and I started Year 13 (different sixth forms) while my other friend - let's call her Em - went to uni. She commutes there, The beginning of the term was alright, we still hung out and texted each other when possible but when it's early November, everything started to drizzle out? I tried to keep the conversation going but sometimes I'm too stubborn to make the effort if the other two can't. I keep telling myself that it's because of the studies that we can't all talk but I don't understand why Em doesn't talk since she told us that she is not enjoying the course she's in!
I sometimes wonder if Em and my friend still talk to each other but just don't with me. Or that they just found better friends to hang out with. I get frustrated just thinking about it!
Also I sent them some greetings for the NY but they still haven't replied back to me. I was hoping they would see that as an opportunity to catch up. I feel half angry and half sad because I don't want to watch this long friendship fade away but I think I tried enough to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if I need to do anything else, I'm too stubborn to call them up or send them another message because they are doing jack**** effort.
Thank you for any help.
However me and one of them had to retake the year. It was tough, it was difficult to keep in contact but we made it work. Summer came, we all reunited and caught up, we all talked about uni etc.
Last September, my friend and I started Year 13 (different sixth forms) while my other friend - let's call her Em - went to uni. She commutes there, The beginning of the term was alright, we still hung out and texted each other when possible but when it's early November, everything started to drizzle out? I tried to keep the conversation going but sometimes I'm too stubborn to make the effort if the other two can't. I keep telling myself that it's because of the studies that we can't all talk but I don't understand why Em doesn't talk since she told us that she is not enjoying the course she's in!
I sometimes wonder if Em and my friend still talk to each other but just don't with me. Or that they just found better friends to hang out with. I get frustrated just thinking about it!
Also I sent them some greetings for the NY but they still haven't replied back to me. I was hoping they would see that as an opportunity to catch up. I feel half angry and half sad because I don't want to watch this long friendship fade away but I think I tried enough to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if I need to do anything else, I'm too stubborn to call them up or send them another message because they are doing jack**** effort.
Thank you for any help.
I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. Sadly I think it is often the case that one person appears to put in considerably more, if not all, effort into maintaining a friendship for very little in return. It may well be the case that your two friends are well aware of the effort you will, and have, put in to this friendship and may have become complacent in the sense that they know you will continue to send messages etc so don't feel they need to be proactive.
I understand your stubbornness - when you are putting in all the effort, it seems as if it is futile as they never bother to take as active an interest in the friendship as you and to a certain extent I think this can make the problem worse and you can end up being even more unhappy. Having said that, there is only so much you can do/a certain number of chances you can give and it does seem to appear that your friends have not taken these. It's really hard to make decisions like this, but it may be best to accept that the friendship might have reached a conclusion - although this is not down to you and it may well be a conscious decision on their part.
The fact they've neglected to even grace you with a response for New Years is just rude. There's no excuse for that and treating their good friend of over 7 years in that way is appalling and you do not deserve that. That kind of behaviour and the fact that your friend Em has just stopped talking to you does seem unfair - I think you at least deserve an explanation and the fact she hasn't done this might indicate that, as upsetting as it is to think you might lose friends you've had for so long, you'd be better off without them. It may be that she has now become more comfortable at university at has naturally moved on - university is a time for making new friends etc and it can be hard to maintain friendships from school and if the other person doesn't put in effort too it becomes impossible.
My advice would be, as hard as it is, would be to just try to look ahead and don't keep putting in the effort if they clearly don't appreciate it. You are obviously a loyal and considerate friend and the behaviour of both of your friends appears to me to show that they don't deserve you and you shouldn't keep spending your time trying to contact them etc just for them to ignore you. If they are still meeting or talking to each other and not you then that is entirely their loss - they are the ones losing out on an amazing friend!
Hope at least some of this helped!
I understand your stubbornness - when you are putting in all the effort, it seems as if it is futile as they never bother to take as active an interest in the friendship as you and to a certain extent I think this can make the problem worse and you can end up being even more unhappy. Having said that, there is only so much you can do/a certain number of chances you can give and it does seem to appear that your friends have not taken these. It's really hard to make decisions like this, but it may be best to accept that the friendship might have reached a conclusion - although this is not down to you and it may well be a conscious decision on their part.
The fact they've neglected to even grace you with a response for New Years is just rude. There's no excuse for that and treating their good friend of over 7 years in that way is appalling and you do not deserve that. That kind of behaviour and the fact that your friend Em has just stopped talking to you does seem unfair - I think you at least deserve an explanation and the fact she hasn't done this might indicate that, as upsetting as it is to think you might lose friends you've had for so long, you'd be better off without them. It may be that she has now become more comfortable at university at has naturally moved on - university is a time for making new friends etc and it can be hard to maintain friendships from school and if the other person doesn't put in effort too it becomes impossible.
My advice would be, as hard as it is, would be to just try to look ahead and don't keep putting in the effort if they clearly don't appreciate it. You are obviously a loyal and considerate friend and the behaviour of both of your friends appears to me to show that they don't deserve you and you shouldn't keep spending your time trying to contact them etc just for them to ignore you. If they are still meeting or talking to each other and not you then that is entirely their loss - they are the ones losing out on an amazing friend!
Hope at least some of this helped!
Original post by Hgalpin
x
The truth hurts when it's laid out in front of me, I knew I wouldn't believe it myself unless someone else did that for me. I had a feeling that Em moved on, and I think my other friend has friends she obviously prefers to talk to rather than me. The thing is, I really do feel like they would be my lifetime friends - we were that close. We told each other personal secrets. I used to feel more close to them than my friends in school. Now I wonder what I'd do if I bump into one of them in the street.
I feel like I would try to say hi but I'm so afraid that they'd ignore me. Communicating was always the worst thing in our friendship. I haven't told them about any events that happened to me since Halloween. For instance, I cut my hair recently - I haven't done that in years. If we were still in contact, I would have immediately told them. I haven't spoken to them about uni - although my friend did ask me to look at her PS which I did...and she looked at mine in return. This was my last interaction with her :/
I keep thinking, what if something bad happened to one of them? But then wouldn't the other contact me?
Bump
Bump guys 
It's best if you forget about them and make new and better friends because it sounds like they don't care about you anymore.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Bump guys
you've already gotten really good advice from @Hgalpin so i don't get what you want us to say ._.
Original post by z33
you've already gotten really good advice from @Hgalpin so i don't get what you want us to say ._.
I don't know actually, I guess I was hoping that someone would magically give me a solution that will allow me to still be friends with them. I know I'm being stupid over this but I can't help it, sorry
Original post by Anonymous
I don't know actually, I guess I was hoping that someone would magically give me a solution that will allow me to still be friends with them. I know I'm being stupid over this but I can't help it, sorry
No no it's fine don't worry
Friendships in high school rarely ever last anyway
Move on and make other friends, your friends are the type of people you'd see at a high school reunion, or maybe for Christmas every year
Friendships go both ways, you'll find others just like they have but you have to allow yourself to move on
Not every relationship works out how 'it was supposed to be' and idk about you but I'd rather end it on a high note than get into an awkward fuss about it and you just end up winding yourself up while they give 0 ****s so just let it go
Good luck
Original post by z33
No no it's fine don't worry
Friendships in high school rarely ever last anyway
Move on and make other friends, your friends are the type of people you'd see at a high school reunion, or maybe for Christmas every year
Friendships go both ways, you'll find others just like they have but you have to allow yourself to move on
Not every relationship works out how 'it was supposed to be' and idk about you but I'd rather end it on a high note than get into an awkward fuss about it and you just end up winding yourself up while they give 0 ****s so just let it go
Good luck
Friendships in high school rarely ever last anyway
Move on and make other friends, your friends are the type of people you'd see at a high school reunion, or maybe for Christmas every year
Friendships go both ways, you'll find others just like they have but you have to allow yourself to move on
Not every relationship works out how 'it was supposed to be' and idk about you but I'd rather end it on a high note than get into an awkward fuss about it and you just end up winding yourself up while they give 0 ****s so just let it go
Good luck
So should I not contact them? I know that if I decide to call them up (or if they did - as if!) I would be way too cool with them...probably end up saying something I would regret. And I'm afraid I would completely break down which I DO NOT want to do. Also my bday is coming up soon and now I'm wondering if they would even say anything.
I know I must seem really whiney but I appreciate if you'd give me any advice to this as well and I'll leave u alone
Thank you!Original post by Anonymous
So should I not contact them? I know that if I decide to call them up (or if they did - as if!) I would be way too cool with them...probably end up saying something I would regret. And I'm afraid I would completely break down which I DO NOT want to do. Also my bday is coming up soon and now I'm wondering if they would even say anything.
I know I must seem really whiney but I appreciate if you'd give me any advice to this as well and I'll leave u alone Thank you!
I know I must seem really whiney but I appreciate if you'd give me any advice to this as well and I'll leave u alone
Thank you!No no no dont do that I've done that before and all that happened was I got humiliated in front of everyone the next day when we had an argument like
"ARE YOU GONNA CALL ME UP CRYING AGAIN?"
Pay them no attention and they'll come back begging for it
Do NOT call - see if they do, which they most likely won't, in that cas it's over
Don't get too upset - enjoy your birthday, friends aren't everything, they're not all there is to life, they're just a part of it. You can live without them - and I'd rather not have friends than have friends who don't give a **** about me...
Go out with family or find new people
a friend outside school, or maybe approach a different group of girls during the breaktimes, sit next to someone else in classAll my friendships were made by the teacher moving me to sit next to someone else so I'd stop talking to my previous partner - and that never ends well because I just talk to the new one!!!
No no it's fine
np Original post by z33
No no no dont do that I've done that before and all that happened was I got humiliated in front of everyone the next day when we had an argument like
"ARE YOU GONNA CALL ME UP CRYING AGAIN?"
Pay them no attention and they'll come back begging for it
Do NOT call - see if they do, which they most likely won't, in that cas it's over
Don't get too upset - enjoy your birthday, friends aren't everything, they're not all there is to life, they're just a part of it. You can live without them - and I'd rather not have friends than have friends who don't give a **** about me...
Go out with family or find new people a friend outside school, or maybe approach a different group of girls during the breaktimes, sit next to someone else in class
All my friendships were made by the teacher moving me to sit next to someone else so I'd stop talking to my previous partner - and that never ends well because I just talk to the new one!!!
No no it's fine np
"ARE YOU GONNA CALL ME UP CRYING AGAIN?"
Pay them no attention and they'll come back begging for it
Do NOT call - see if they do, which they most likely won't, in that cas it's over
Don't get too upset - enjoy your birthday, friends aren't everything, they're not all there is to life, they're just a part of it. You can live without them - and I'd rather not have friends than have friends who don't give a **** about me...
Go out with family or find new people
a friend outside school, or maybe approach a different group of girls during the breaktimes, sit next to someone else in classAll my friendships were made by the teacher moving me to sit next to someone else so I'd stop talking to my previous partner - and that never ends well because I just talk to the new one!!!
No no it's fine
np Thank you, I'll follow your advice. I wouldn't know what to say anyway if I did call one of them up! It would just be one of those awkward silences haha... I'm sorry for what happened to you
Yes, my sixth form friends are planning a day out (either paintballing or lasertag) next week. It's going to be really weird at first because my 'best friends' have always been at every social activity I have been at but it feels good
Thank you so much for your advice!
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, I'll follow your advice. I wouldn't know what to say anyway if I did call one of them up! It would just be one of those awkward silences haha... I'm sorry for what happened to you
Yes, my sixth form friends are planning a day out (either paintballing or lasertag) next week. It's going to be really weird at first because my 'best friends' have always been at every social activity I have been at but it feels good
Thank you so much for your advice!
Yes, my sixth form friends are planning a day out (either paintballing or lasertag) next week. It's going to be really weird at first because my 'best friends' have always been at every social activity I have been at but it feels good
Thank you so much for your advice!
Np
alright yeah see 
it's okay aha it doesnt bother me i knew that was when to burn that bridge
Ah i just remembered i have paintballing tickets... urgh i really wanna goooo but im scared XD
It's alright you dont have to flat out ignore them but dont call/ text them/ chase them up anymore
just hi how are you bye is fine
treat them as acquaintances basically
Original post by z33
Np alright yeah see
it's okay aha it doesnt bother me i knew that was when to burn that bridge
Ah i just remembered i have paintballing tickets... urgh i really wanna goooo but im scared XD
It's alright you dont have to flat out ignore them but dont call/ text them/ chase them up anymore
just hi how are you bye is fine
treat them as acquaintances basically
alright yeah see it's okay aha it doesnt bother me i knew that was when to burn that bridge
Ah i just remembered i have paintballing tickets... urgh i really wanna goooo but im scared XD
It's alright you dont have to flat out ignore them but dont call/ text them/ chase them up anymore
just hi how are you bye is fine
treat them as acquaintances basically
Never really thought I would see the day where I would treat my friends as acquaintances. Anyway, thank you for your advice! Try paintballing, I'm sure it would be fun! Get the adrenaline going :nod:
Original post by Anonymous
Never really thought I would see the day where I would treat my friends as acquaintances. Anyway, thank you for your advice! Try paintballing, I'm sure it would be fun! Get the adrenaline going :nod:
yeah... it is hard but you'll survive :3
will do and hopefully!!
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