I know I'm inevitably going to get some hate on this post, so I'll say beforehand that I know I've been very lucky and privileged in life.
But, I really need some advice from someone. I should be in my last year at Oxford, working towards my finals. I've been academically successful until now, though I haven't really had a university experience, because I've been so obsessed by work. However, I've been sent down until next year, after a sudden an unexpected breakdown just before christmas.
i'm now at home, in my parent's house (aged 21!) and have has a lot of time to think through things. I've realised that there were a lot of issues which I had buried under work and academic success, most of which originate from my time at boarding school. In fact, until recently, my whole experience of school was just a blank in my head, it was so traumatic.
It sounds so selfish of me, but I'm having real difficulties coming to terms with the fact that my parents did nothing to help me when I was vulnerable young girl, and so clearly desperately unhappy. They must know they made a mistake, because they have sent my younger siblings to another school, and are altogether more nurturing than they were with me. It is difficult, because I feel I have had my childhood and teenage happiness taken away from me, and yet i see my younger brother and sister being everything that teenagers should be, and blossoming into lovely young adults.
I remember there being a discussion, just after GCSEs, over whether they should move me to another school. But they decided it would be too disruptive. Too disruptive? I so used to be shoved around that I never even spoke up for myself, just accepted it because I thought they knew best for me. But those two years should have been some the happiest of my life, and they were absolute hell. It just got worse and worse.
They also knew I had talent and potential - I could play music on piano by listening to the radio at a very young age, I seemed to be able to absorb languages and information, I could draw and paint well, everyone would describe me as funny, smiling and charming as a child - but never encouraged me. I was so unhappy at school that I stopped doing all those things, and spent all my time either crying, or smothering my despair with academic work. And this went on for five years.
I thought at least Oxford would make up for it, but now everything has caught up with me, and is ruining my life again. I just want a chance to be happy, and i can't help but feel so resentful towards my parents.