I don't want to be gay

So I'm sure you've heard this before but i really feel like i want to get these things out of my chest. Im a 23 year old guy and only study in the UK, where i come from being gay is actually illegal. Because of that you can only imagine how hard it is to be comfortable in your skin in a country like that. Whenever I Picture my life i see a wife and a kid and that really terrifies me because its all that i want but i just simply dont find girl sexually. But i find a very strong attraction to men. What makes this more difficult for me is the fact that throughout my experiences with men, i never really enjoyed the feeling. I am not out to anyone not even my friends as the people i am around with would change their whole perspective of me. Before you tell me to just accept who i am please understand that it is not an option for me. I actually really dont know why i wrote this post but i feel better now for putting this up for someone to read.

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Reply 1

bluepimpernel

OP, listen to me: homosexuality is as natural as bisexuality or heterosexuality. F*** all those biggoted ***** who tell you otherwise, love is love and no one can say otherwise, whether it is with someone from the opposite sex or the same sex. You're confused because you are realising that you have been sexually awakened and that hell, you like men, and what is not letting you fully enjoy and explore your sexuality is your fear towards what people will think about you or how they may end regarding you as less of a man because of it. Don't repress yourself and most certainly, don't force a poor woman to marry you in a sham marriage just because you're too much of a coward to be open about your sexuality. That will only make her and yourself miserable.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

_Fergo

So, you'd rather ruin your wife's and possibly children's lives to satisfy your ego?

Jeez...

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Reply 3

al_94

I wouldn't want to be either

Reply 4

driftawaay

Original post by Anonymous

If its illegal to be gay in your country you can apply for asylum. Or stay in the UK through other methods after you graduate, there are options. And there is no reason to be friends with people who would judge you for being gay, you are in the UK so it is not hard to find friends your age who would not care about you being gay. In fact, it is harder to find friends who would be bothered by it...

Dont even think about marrying a woman. You have no right to lie to somebody like that and you would ruin your life, being married to someone you are not attracted to, let alone in love with, is not a life worth living and there is no reason you would need to do that. If your family doesnt accept you being gay or disown you then you are better off without them and you can have your own family one day with a man. You have to be strong.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

What most of you are replying is saying for me to give into my attraction to men. Like i have mentioned ive been with a few men before but sexually i just did not enjoy the feeling. Not because of any psychological reasons but strictly due to biological reasons (i.e feelings of pain or discomfort). I understand that i shouldnt be in a relationship with a woman that i cant love. However, how will i know if i can love a woman if i never tried? Does love purely have to come from sexual reasons?

Reply 6

Das Ich Man

Non sexual love? The poster is saying he does not enjoy having sex with men, even though he is sexually attracted to them. I think non sexual love is the way forward for you

Reply 7

_Fergo

Original post by IBIB

hmmm thats not true, its a sickness of the mind, like pedos, listen its not visible like AIDS but its no less dangerous and contagious

Lol... If anything's sick here, it's you brah.

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(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

ivybridge

Original post by IBIB

hmmm thats not true, its a sickness of the mind, like pedos, listen its not visible like AIDS but its no less dangerous and contagious

? This belief was dispelled years ago. The tardis is calling you home.

Reply 9

ivybridge

OP - I hate it too.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat :lovehug:

Reply 10

ivybridge

Original post by Anonymous

You don't really sound like you know what you are...

"How do I know if I never tried?" - Uh... You kind of just know what you find attractive and what you don't. You shouldn't need to "try" to love somebody.

Reply 11

ForgetMe

Original post by IBIB

hmmm thats not true, its a sickness of the mind, like pedos, listen its not visible like AIDS but its no less dangerous and contagious

*cough* *cough* Oops, sorry, now you're gay too :u:

Reply 12

ivybridge

Original post by ForgetMe

*cough* *cough* Oops, sorry, now you're gay too :u:

Yeah he's caught 'The Gay'. It all starts with a mutli-coloured rash spelling the word 'queer' multiple times.

Lmao, what even is life when people like this actually believe such ********.

Reply 13

username1044970

Original post by Anonymous

I think you're slightly confused. Yes, a person's romantic orientation isn't always aligned with their sexual orientation; it's possible to be romantically attracted to, say, a female without being sexually attracted to her. But it doesn't seem like you're attracted to women in that sense. If you're unsure, you could always experiment :dontknow:

Reply 14

BrokenLife

Original post by Dima-Blackburn

Love your replies, Dima. :h:

Reply 15

Josb

Original post by Anonymous

Find a job in the UK so you can stay. :dontknow:

Or find a hot gay man and marry him.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 16

little_lady

I think it's a case of experimenting here, and finding out what you're comfortable with. That's the only way of moving forward with this situation, if you're really that unhappy about your confusion. Because it's either stay as you are...which is clearly unsure and nothing ever happens, and you resign yourself and possibly a wife to a lifetime of regret or unhappiness....or experiment a bit, and eventually you'll figure something out. But if you don't try, you're never going to know. I also think you should stay in the UK, if it is illegal where you come from. I have a friend who is gay and she cannot live in her own country through fear of persecution.
It's a shame people are so close-minded when we're in the 21st Century.

Reply 17

Ethereal World

I think you sound homosexual and Heteroromantic at the moment but the latter is because you are able to be what you want to be and you have control over that. Whereas you can't really change your baseline sexuality.

Were your male sexual experiences one night stands or more long term things?. It probably didn't feel great if it's the former but that's not because it's homosexual sex-it's because one night stands are dogsh*t and that's why I've never had one (tons of my friends have though so I kinda do get it.

Maybe once you have something resembling a commitment with a guy (you could do this covertly still) and see if you can build up an emotional connection it will start to feel easier. Then you will make love, not just f*ck.

Reply 18

ForgetMe

Original post by ivybridge

Yeah he's caught 'The Gay'. It all starts with a mutli-coloured rash spelling the word 'queer' multiple times.

Lmao, what even is life when people like this actually believe such ********.

You forgot the usual symptoms like vomiting rainbow and producing rainbow poop :colone:

It's usually the people who are brainwashed by some stupid rumour spread by some morons :teehee:

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Thank you guys for all the lovely advice. Its nice to see you can get some support from people. Most of you are right i dont really know what i want. But, i do know what i dont want. I dont want to seek asylum in the UK, that would mean i would not be able to visit my home country ever. I cant see my home, my dog, my family and friends. Even though im sure people there won't accept homosexuality but i dont blame them its a very religious culture that causes this sort of stigma. That doesnt mean i should cut these people out of my life. I have tried commiting with a guy before and making love out of passion and not need and like ive mentioned before its never a pleasurable experience. I havent been with a girl before because i just never felt sexually attracted to one before. I guess im just missing some experimenting but i just feel lost sometimes do i follow lust and be with a guy and try to figure out a way to make it pleaurable or should i try to pursue a heterosexual relationship? Maybe sexual attraction is something that can build up from a relationship? To be honest i just feel scared that im never gunna get what i want in this life.