I thought University was meant to be fun!!!!!!

Before I start, I will hold my hands up and say that I am most likely to blame for the issues I have, but basically, University is ****. My course is the best part about university for me at the moment. My social life is DEAD. I went out 5 TIMES IN THE FIRST TERM. I have no social life and very little friends, which I am unused to as I have a lot of friends at home and go out multiple times a week. At university, I'll be lucky to be out twice a month.
I have friends on my course, but they mostly live at home so rarely socialise outside of course times. The ones who do live here have their friends from their halls, which are strangers to me. My flat mates are quiet, I live with three other girls, two of which very rarely leave their rooms and go home a lot of the time. The other girl is the girl who I very rarely go out with but she has a very close knit group of friends from her course, like, very very close and they do everything together. They go out multiple times a week and never ask me to go with them and I feel pushy and unwanted when I do ask, which I have done, multiple times. My flat and I don't eat together and it's a rare occurrence if I actually speak to anyone if I'm not at university. Its the second term of first year now and I still feel like the ice isn't broken. I still feel like I wouldn't be welcome going and knocking on their door and having a conversation with them. I feel like they feel the same about me as well.
I don't know what to do, all my friends at other universities are practically out every night and have such close friends, I don't have that at all and it's so sad for me. I need social interaction and for some reason university hasn't provided me with that. I should have joined a society, but there was nothing in my interest at the time but now I regret it slightly.
I have asked for my flatmates to come out but they have none of it and its literally making me depressed. I can no longer sit in my room, staring at my four walls hearing about how all my friends are having the time of their lives. The only option is to leave because I am seriously miserable, someone please tell me they are in the same position as me.

Reply 1

Swanbow

I'm sorry to hear about that. Being lonely sucks. I was fortunate to have social flatmates who I got along with, but I knew many people who had extremely anti-social flatmates, and very insular courses meaning they were kinda outcasted.

I know it sounds daunting but have you tried going out by yourself? I've done it a few times, and made some pretty good mates in the process. It isn't for everyone, and you can have a crappy experience but the beauty of it is that you can go where you want and leave when you want with no hassles.

Also try to contact some societies at university. Some of them are willing to accept members throughout the year. Did you play any sports back home? A lot of sports teams open again for members after Christmas.

Hope things become better for you. Just put yourself out there. Things won't happen by itself.

Reply 2

username1046019

Hey

I also feel the same way sometimes- a lot of my flatmates are nice but are vastly different to me in their interests as they like to go out drinking and clubbing often (which I have no issues with, it's just not for me) and during my first term felt disappointed that I hadn't made any close friends with similar interests as me (or really any friends at all). My flatmates don't really ask if I want to go out any more, which is honestly fine by me because I get bored within one hour of reaching a club.

It's second term now and the situation is starting to improve because I've decided to try out new societies. I'm not sure what it's like at your university, but we had a 'refreshers week' where societies advertised again like they did during freshers and it was a good opportunity for me to show my interest in a few societies that I was initially too nervous to join (I thought it'd be weird joining so late in the last term). I've met a few nice people and I'm hoping over time we can be better friends.

You said that you regret not joining any societies, but I don't see why you're not able to now- maybe some societies have facebook pages and you can contact them asking to join? I'm sure not everyone joins immediately and I certainly haven't been the only new person at the societies I joined this term. I think you should research into societies that might interest you- if only a little- and try them out and meet new people. If you don't like them, you never have to show up again and no one will really mind.

In the meantime, why not get used to your own company? I was initially miserable at first because I hadn't made any friends like so many people had, but eventually I started to like my own company. Instead of staying inside try and do something active like going on a walk, or you could maybe try doing something to boost your profile like volunteering or getting a part time job? I think if you contact a careers service or even your student union they would be able to direct you to good opportunities. There are things you could do that don't require having a large group of friends around you.

Sorry for the essay, hope this is helpful.

Reply 3

kakuja

Im in the exact same situation right now and i feel as if i should join more societies to make friends but they probably already know each other so i will feel a bit left out lol . What uni you in mate?

I thought University was meant to be fun!!!!!!

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