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Group work at Uni

Hi everyone

So I'm doing this module for University and 60% of it is graded by a group essay in Politics.

I'm in a group of three (me being female and two guys) - Neither of them have even made eye contact with me during the two sessions we have had, I ask a question, I contribute to the conversation and whilst I am answered (to a tiny degree) they still sit facing each other and don't even turn to look at me to give me the reply.

Im not really concerned about the lack of progress as its early days, but the fact that despite my best efforts I'm not included at all and they both refuse to look at me, well, I'm starting to wonder if they even know what I look like

I have no idea why they wont give me any eye contact...to me, I can only think three reasons (except maybe the 4th reason being they just plain hate me):

I'm a woman, I'm older than them (I'm 26) or they're just shy.

Genuinely unsure about what to do because I have tried everything, coming to university from a working life background I'm well versed in team working and knowing how best not to annoy people, I'm not shy but I am empathetic and considerate to people who are.

I talk to them, I ask them how they are, what they've been up to, I try to add argument and agree with them when appropriate, nothing works. They just refuse to even acknowledge my existence :/

Does anyone have any advice?


Thanks


Edit: The 2 guys are quite happy and comfortable to talk to each other, making eye contact when they do.
(edited 8 years ago)
Honestly I'd just sit there and say "is there any particular reason neither of you will so much as look at or acknowledge me? This is supposed to be group work".

I don't tolerate this ****.
Original post by SophieSmall
Honestly I'd just sit there and say "is there any particular reason neither of you will so much as look at or acknowledge me? This is supposed to be group work".

I don't tolerate this ****.


Hmm, yeah. Its the only solution I have thought of too...but, I don't want to alienate them further from me but then again I suppose, how much worse can it get?
Thanks for your advice, its definitely helped.
Original post by amibee
Hmm, yeah. Its the only solution I have thought of too...but, I don't want to alienate them further from me but then again I suppose, how much worse can it get?
Thanks for your advice, its definitely helped.


Honestly whatever their reason it's not acceptable. You're part of the group too, they need to acknowledge that and include you. Make sure you keep a note of all this and try to get some conversation with them in email so if worst comes to worst you have evidence against them for the uni.
Original post by amibee
Hmm, yeah. Its the only solution I have thought of too...but, I don't want to alienate them further from me but then again I suppose, how much worse can it get?
Thanks for your advice, its definitely helped.


If you're absolutely sure they're doing this intentionally I'd just tell them straight that if they don't engage you, there is no point in working together and you'll have to speak to the tutor in order to find a new group that can actually work together
Original post by SophieSmall
Honestly whatever their reason it's not acceptable. You're part of the group too, they need to acknowledge that and include you. Make sure you keep a note of all this and try to get some conversation with them in email so if worst comes to worst you have evidence against them for the uni.


Thanks Sophie, this is great advice. I'll grab some email addresses off them and see how that goes, if its still an issue it will show in the emails and I'll go from there. I feel like such a child "theyre not including me!" but its so so hard to constantly be talking to peoples backs.
Original post by Blondie987
If you're absolutely sure they're doing this intentionally I'd just tell them straight that if they don't engage you, there is no point in working together and you'll have to speak to the tutor in order to find a new group that can actually work together



Hi, no I'm not entirely sure that it is intentional, however today I did get a bit annoyed and ended up saying "Am I actually here? Can you see me?" and it was ignored entirely...I don't know. I'm insanely frustrated by it.
Original post by amibee
Thanks Sophie, this is great advice. I'll grab some email addresses off them and see how that goes, if its still an issue it will show in the emails and I'll go from there. I feel like such a child "theyre not including me!" but its so so hard to constantly be talking to peoples backs.


Don't worry I understand and it's not a stupid issue at all. These guys need to learn they have to work with all manners of people in the real world and they can't just ignore people they don't like.

Honestly I'm annoyed for you, the cheek of some people.
Original post by amibee
Hi, no I'm not entirely sure that it is intentional, however today I did get a bit annoyed and ended up saying "Am I actually here? Can you see me?" and it was ignored entirely...I don't know. I'm insanely frustrated by it.



Yep definitely intentional then. They heard you, knew exactly what you meant and chose to ignore you.
Original post by amibee
Hi, no I'm not entirely sure that it is intentional, however today I did get a bit annoyed and ended up saying "Am I actually here? Can you see me?" and it was ignored entirely...I don't know. I'm insanely frustrated by it.


Well obviously you have the right to be involved and if it's 60% of your grade then it's not fair on you regardless of their reason, I know you don't want to cause conflict but you just need to tell them that you won't put up with it and that if they have a problem with you, you need to know so you can either work it out or find another group to work with
Original post by SophieSmall
Yep definitely intentional then. They heard you, knew exactly what you meant and chose to ignore you.



Thank you, I have the tendency to often believe that I am making something out of nothing and do dismiss myself easily. Having you agree with me and empathise makes me feel more vindicated in my feelings about this and makes me feel able to actually say something more strong and to the point, along the lines of your first post.
As someone who is really shy and awkward around people it doesn't mean that you are rude. If someone talks to me I at least say something back or acknowledged that I have listened to them :-/

They sound so bizarre.
Original post by amibee
Thank you, I have the tendency to often believe that I am making something out of nothing and do dismiss myself easily. Having you agree with me and empathise makes me feel more vindicated in my feelings about this and makes me feel able to actually say something more strong and to the point, along the lines of your first post.


it's no problem, and don't worry I understand what you mean. But don't sell yourself short or put up with things you don't have to, especially when it's worth such a large portion of your grade.

Good luck with it, and let us know how it goes. :smile:

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