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Not at all. Couldn't care less.
Don't care. Just means we rich af.
I'm a girl, and I'm in a situation now where i earn more than my bf. It's okay.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
Original post by stargirl63
I'm a girl, and I'm in a situation now where i earn more than my bf. It's okay.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
Maybe you could try suggesting you buy a flat and he can pay you rent?
Original post by stargirl63
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris.
I think he should leave you. You sound pathetic.
Original post by walking in sand
I think he should leave you. You sound pathetic.
Expand?
The way I see it is that I worked hard at uni, got a damn good job and I can afford more than the budget trip of £300. So when we talk about our annual holiday ideas and where we should go ,it's frustrating when I can't go where I want to with him due to the fact that he doesn't earn as much. I do regularly go on holiday with friends and leave his broke behind at home, but for once I would like to go on a nice paradise holiday with him....why is that pathetic ? I need to understand it from your point of view (which might help my understanding and my way of communicating with him) , because I just feel like I'm being held back.
Original post by stargirl63
Expand?
The way I see it is that I worked hard at uni, got a damn good job and I can afford more than the budget trip of £300. So when we talk about our annual holiday ideas and where we should go ,it's frustrating when I can't go where I want to with him due to the fact that he doesn't earn as much. I do regularly go on holiday with friends and leave his broke behind at home, but for once I would like to go on a nice paradise holiday with him....why is that pathetic ? I need to understand it from your point of view (which might help my understanding and my way of communicating with him) , because I just feel like I'm being held back.
The way I see it is that I worked hard at uni, got a damn good job and I can afford more than the budget trip of £300. So when we talk about our annual holiday ideas and where we should go ,it's frustrating when I can't go where I want to with him due to the fact that he doesn't earn as much. I do regularly go on holiday with friends and leave his broke behind at home, but for once I would like to go on a nice paradise holiday with him....why is that pathetic ? I need to understand it from your point of view (which might help my understanding and my way of communicating with him) , because I just feel like I'm being held back.
Unhealthy relationship / 10
Original post by stargirl63
I just feel like I'm being held back.
Then you shouldn't be with him...
Original post by stargirl63
...
What are you both earning out of curiosity?
Original post by stargirl63
I'm a girl, and I'm in a situation now where i earn more than my bf. It's okay.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
On the basis of your last sentence it sounds like you should leave him. You want different things, which is fair play. It sounds to him like the idea of a romantic dinner doesn't stretch far beyond a few beers and a curry - which is completely fine. It doesn't for me either. I have a lot of hobbies and virtually no savings and I'm happy, but then again I'm not in a relationship.
Original post by Haydo
What are you both earning out of curiosity?
He's on £17k and I'm in between £33-36k (depending on bonuses). It's almost double. I'm 25 and he's 26.
It means that we value money differently. He would have to 'borrow' money from his parents to fill £40 in his car, live paycheck by paycheck every month and took out a bank loan to pay for his car and car insurance, whereas me, I wouldn't get out of bed for £40 and if I lost my job tomorrow, have enough savings in my bank to live the life I'm living now for about 4 years before my money runs out.
I'm kinda glad this thread has been made, because we are coming on to 9 months together, and it's grating on my nerves as to how I'm supposed to experience the things I want with him. He has realised lately that my patience is wearing thin, e.g. he will tag me in a nice photo of Figi or something on instagram...and he will notice I won't comment back because my honest comment is "why bother tagging me if you can't go???"
Original post by rockrunride
On the basis of your last sentence it sounds like you should leave him. You want different things, which is fair play. It sounds to him like the idea of a romantic dinner doesn't stretch far beyond a few beers and a curry - which is completely fine. It doesn't for me either. I have a lot of hobbies and virtually no savings and I'm happy, but then again I'm not in a relationship.
Our idea of romance is the same. Our bank balance isn't. If you want nice things, you gotta be prepared to pay for it. Dinner at the Shard is expensive. Holidays to the Caribbean is expensive. The nice bag in that cute shop..is expensive. I'll happily pay for him - just so I can have the experience myself, and he feels very uncomfortable, or suggests to go somewhere else etc... and I understand why, but it's like I can't win.
I'm not high maintenance...and I don't ask him to pay for these things (not that he could even if I wanted him to). But it's the things I feel like I'm missing out on that I hate. One of my friends recently came back from a trip to Goa. Beautiful trip. Beautiful photos of her and her boyfriend. Shame I can't have that with him.
Original post by stargirl63
He's on £17k and I'm in between £33-36k (depending on bonuses). It's almost double. I'm 25 and he's 26.
It means that we value money differently. He would have to 'borrow' money from his parents to fill £40 in his car, live paycheck by paycheck every month and took out a bank loan to pay for his car and car insurance, whereas me, I wouldn't get out of bed for £40 and if I lost my job tomorrow, have enough savings in my bank to live the life I'm living now for about 4 years before my money runs out.
I'm kinda glad this thread has been made, because we are coming on to 9 months together, and it's grating on my nerves as to how I'm supposed to experience the things I want with him. He has realised lately that my patience is wearing thin, e.g. he will tag me in a nice photo of Figi or something on instagram...and he will notice I won't comment back because my honest comment is "why bother tagging me if you can't go???"
It means that we value money differently. He would have to 'borrow' money from his parents to fill £40 in his car, live paycheck by paycheck every month and took out a bank loan to pay for his car and car insurance, whereas me, I wouldn't get out of bed for £40 and if I lost my job tomorrow, have enough savings in my bank to live the life I'm living now for about 4 years before my money runs out.
I'm kinda glad this thread has been made, because we are coming on to 9 months together, and it's grating on my nerves as to how I'm supposed to experience the things I want with him. He has realised lately that my patience is wearing thin, e.g. he will tag me in a nice photo of Figi or something on instagram...and he will notice I won't comment back because my honest comment is "why bother tagging me if you can't go???"
If I was in your situation, being well off, and having a partner that's obviously struggling on their current wage, I would be supporting them a lot more. He shouldn't be paying for the meals imo
Edit: Just read a bit more. If he isn't letting you pay then you too aren't right for each other...
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by stargirl63
I'm a girl, and I'm in a situation now where i earn more than my bf. It's okay.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.
We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.
HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.
I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.
It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.
It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
Where does he work? Help him find a better job or he should gain some qualifications.
If you have the money pay the deposit.
(edited 8 years ago)
No my girlfriend does so and it doesn't bother me. I earn a really good salary but my girlfriend has recently just started earning more than me and due to her career will likely earn even more in the future. Quite the opposite I'm actually proud for her and she has never once made me feel inadequate for it. Money is not a prerequisite in a relationship for me I will never understand the people who this actually bothers, I would gladly support her 100% (and have almost had to when she was a student). Paid for both our travel/accommodation, rent etc... because I knew for a fact she'd do the same in my situation.
Which proved to be right because she's been trying to spend lots on me since she got a huge raise and I would rather she just spent it on herself.
Which proved to be right because she's been trying to spend lots on me since she got a huge raise and I would rather she just spent it on herself.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by stargirl63
Expand?
The way I see it is that I worked hard at uni, got a damn good job and I can afford more than the budget trip of £300. So when we talk about our annual holiday ideas and where we should go ,it's frustrating when I can't go where I want to with him due to the fact that he doesn't earn as much. I do regularly go on holiday with friends and leave his broke behind at home, but for once I would like to go on a nice paradise holiday with him....why is that pathetic ? I need to understand it from your point of view (which might help my understanding and my way of communicating with him) , because I just feel like I'm being held back.
The way I see it is that I worked hard at uni, got a damn good job and I can afford more than the budget trip of £300. So when we talk about our annual holiday ideas and where we should go ,it's frustrating when I can't go where I want to with him due to the fact that he doesn't earn as much. I do regularly go on holiday with friends and leave his broke behind at home, but for once I would like to go on a nice paradise holiday with him....why is that pathetic ? I need to understand it from your point of view (which might help my understanding and my way of communicating with him) , because I just feel like I'm being held back.
If you're in a relationship where you're thinking of moving in together then you shouldn't think of your money and his money, you should just have all the money together. Plus you seem to be ok with him paying for you, yet the most you ever pay is half even though you supposedly earn a lot. These are the things that have bothered me from what you've said.
Though you do sound willing to pay for the shared flat yourself. He probably just doesn't like being payed for since it's usually the role of the man. If you see no problem with him earning less and you paying for things then you should talk to him about it, maybe he can get over whatever insecurities he has.
Original post by Haydo
If I was in your situation, being well off, and having a partner that's obviously struggling on their current wage, I would be supporting them a lot more. He shouldn't be paying for the meals imo
Edit: Just read a bit more. If he isn't letting you pay then you too aren't right for each other...
Edit: Just read a bit more. If he isn't letting you pay then you too aren't right for each other...
Original post by Nadile
If you're in a relationship where you're thinking of moving in together then you shouldn't think of your money and his money, you should just have all the money together. Plus you seem to be ok with him paying for you, yet the most you ever pay is half even though you supposedly earn a lot. These are the things that have bothered me from what you've said.
Though you do sound willing to pay for the shared flat yourself. He probably just doesn't like being payed for since it's usually the role of the man. If you see no problem with him earning less and you paying for things then you should talk to him about it, maybe he can get over whatever insecurities he has.
Though you do sound willing to pay for the shared flat yourself. He probably just doesn't like being payed for since it's usually the role of the man. If you see no problem with him earning less and you paying for things then you should talk to him about it, maybe he can get over whatever insecurities he has.
Trust me... I would love to pay for him. Meals etc I'll pay for. But it does make him uncomfortable. Not only because he's the guy, but I think more importantly because he knows he can't return the favour. I have tried telling him that I'm not expecting a return, but it's hard to get through to him.
I don't earn "a lot" ... I just earn more than him. I can afford my ticket to a nice place. I can't afford two tickets to a nice place.
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