Why does my old friend act distant?

Hi, basically i'm at a loss and very confused. We were friends for a couple of years in school etc, i'm now 20 (he is 19) and I moved off to university. I've only been out of school 18 months so it's not like it's been years and years. When we were friends, we used to talk and talk and talk everyday so that's what i'm used to.

The friendship just faded due to lack of everyday contact. I got back in contact with the friend in question two weeks ago via Facebook, he was very happy to see me. We chatted for an hour about how things were etc (just the usual), however, that was it.

This friend hasn't messaged me since that point and doesn't seem to want to. I tried messaging him but just got one word answers and it never went anywhere so I just stopped. He's kinda pretending like our friendship was non-existant and acting very different. He never messages me anymore, it's always me that messages him.

I'm extremely confused, I don't know why he is being so distant? It is painful for me as we were very close only a year ago and now he basically doesn't care. Am I reading too much into this? Why is this friend being distant?

Reply 1

Tiger Rag

Maybe you have to accept that people and friendships change?

Reply 2

chikane

I think it's cause you always used to seeing each other at school and talking about stuff like work or what happened that day and now you don't. He probably hasn't got much to say now or is busy with his own life.

Why not invite him out for lunch or something?

I was close to a colleague at work we would call and text every other day but now that has fizzled out as they work elsewhere so unless we are going out somewhere together don't have much to say via messaging unless the conversation was juicy.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I messaged this 'friend' this morning, I asked him why he doesn't message me anymore (straight up). He said that he wouldn't know what to say because 'he doesn't know anything about me'. It went on for another 20 minutes back and forth until I ended the conversation by saying 'if you want to talk to me, I will talk to you no problem, I will leave the door open but I am not expecting anything back', he didn't reply so there's my answer.

What's confusing me though, is how he's pretending like he was never my friend or at least never knew me which is just complete ********. We only left school 18 months ago, it's not like it's been 25 years.

This is what is annoying me more than anything. If he had've just said to me 'I don't have anything in common with you anymore, but I remember our friendship etc' that would've let me move on. At least now though, I won't sit waiting on him to message me wondering what I have done or why he hasn't messaged me.

It wouldn't have killed him to talk to me every so often would it? I guess he just doesn't care, i've said that aswell but he just pretended like he didn't see it.

It's very sad and not what I envisaged happening two years ago but there you go. At least now I can try and get some closure instead of wondering and wondering.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Tiger Rag, I accept that people change but to act like you don't know me or that our 'friendship' never existed is a kick in the teeth.

At least now though, i've got closure. I'm kinda glad I know now, I am honestly better off with people like that out of my life. What is the point in trying to maintain that friendship? It would've been an uphill onesided struggle.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Not going to lie though, it still hurts me and is going to take me a very long time to get over. I am on the councillors list, I will try and get some advice for them.

This will be hard no point in lying.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

They probably are just distracted by changes in their life, either that or they have a really big problem with you and are trying to edge away, in which case it'd probably be a good idea to just confront them head on, not being rude but just saying how you feel and asking if their hiding any feelings from you.

Reply 7

chikane

Original post by Anonymous

There was one girl i was friends with and i stopped making contact with her after we finished school as we had nothing to talk about and she struggled with english so we would hang out in school but i found it hard to talk to her and she wasn't the type to meet up so we drifted apart. There are many from school who i have drifted apart from and don't keep in contact.

I would say he probably moved on and he didn't see you as a close friend which is hard but as Tiger Rag said people do change and not seeing you at school anymore has created distance between you. You have to accept that.

Why does my old friend act distant?

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