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Confused about myself?

OK, this is going to be a little long and if you don’t want to read it all I can understand. I’m pretty confused right now, like really. It’s probably best to give a little bit of background. I’m a fresher at university. For the last 5/6 years I haven’t really had many close friends (mix of my own doing and being quite frankly backstabbed). It was also during this time I started to question my sexuality.

Fast forward in history and I did a little experimenting with guys, but this didn’t clear up any doubts 100%. This has continued at uni, but the thing is I’ve never slept with a girl. Heck, it’s pretty rare that I actually talk to girls (not shy, just never made an effort really). At one point in my life I was pretty sure that I was gay, having told a few select people already. Now I’m having doubts about whether or not I am. I can’t remember what it was but I saw something about people having kids or something on those lines and it kind of hit a nerve. Up until now I didn’t want children, now I kind of do with a girl and I kind of want to just be with a girl I guess. Maybe this could also be from the fact that pretty much all my friends are in relationships or the lack of actual experience?

But then here’s the confusing part, I could understand if I’d had enough of messing about with guys but the fact is I do like it, and have been messing around since starting uni. For the first time in years I feel like I’ve actually got proper friends again, which I know sounds strange. And one in particular has been on my mind for a while now, even the fact of going away over vacations (in particular summer) makes me pretty upset at the thought of not seeing him. If I’m just sitting around there’s a chance he’ll be involved in my thoughts somewhere, sometimes even in dreams. This has made me question whether or not I actually love him/am gay, but then the other half of me thinks that I’m just overly attached because it’s been so long or that maybe we’re just close? (For the record, I know he’s not gay - in a longggg relationship).

So really I suppose this is what it comes down to, I’m lost in who I really am. To those who truly know they are gay - do you ever doubt your sexuality or have periods of doubt? I think this could have been shorter but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest and give the actual context of my question.

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Reply 1
Avatar for Darelz
Darelz
14
Have you ever considered that you might be bi? Just something to think about. I was confused about who I liked until I realised I was bi.

I'm not gay, but is it still okay if I answer your question as a bi person?
Sexuality is a spectrum and I'm sure everyone questions it at one point or another, I identify as gay but even then who knows tbh? Don't stress about coming to a definite conclusion, labels should be for you only if you want to use them and your sexuality is nothing to be afraid of. If you enjoy going out out with guys, then do it and the same for girls or anyone else. Also, what you said about settling down with a girl, I would just like to advise you to make sure that you would be doing this because you actually loved them rather than doing so because you feel that's the only way to be fulfilled, you can be with whomever you want to be and do whatever you want with your life, like I said don't stress! :biggrin:
You sound bisexual to some degree.
Original post by Anonymous
OK, this is going to be a little long and if you don’t want to read it all I can understand. I’m pretty confused right now, like really. It’s probably best to give a little bit of background. I’m a fresher at university. For the last 5/6 years I haven’t really had many close friends (mix of my own doing and being quite frankly backstabbed). It was also during this time I started to question my sexuality.

Fast forward in history and I did a little experimenting with guys, but this didn’t clear up any doubts 100%. This has continued at uni, but the thing is I’ve never slept with a girl. Heck, it’s pretty rare that I actually talk to girls (not shy, just never made an effort really). At one point in my life I was pretty sure that I was gay, having told a few select people already. Now I’m having doubts about whether or not I am. I can’t remember what it was but I saw something about people having kids or something on those lines and it kind of hit a nerve. Up until now I didn’t want children, now I kind of do with a girl and I kind of want to just be with a girl I guess. Maybe this could also be from the fact that pretty much all my friends are in relationships or the lack of actual experience?

But then here’s the confusing part, I could understand if I’d had enough of messing about with guys but the fact is I do like it, and have been messing around since starting uni. For the first time in years I feel like I’ve actually got proper friends again, which I know sounds strange. And one in particular has been on my mind for a while now, even the fact of going away over vacations (in particular summer) makes me pretty upset at the thought of not seeing him. If I’m just sitting around there’s a chance he’ll be involved in my thoughts somewhere, sometimes even in dreams. This has made me question whether or not I actually love him/am gay, but then the other half of me thinks that I’m just overly attached because it’s been so long or that maybe we’re just close? (For the record, I know he’s not gay - in a longggg relationship).

So really I suppose this is what it comes down to, I’m lost in who I really am. To those who truly know they are gay - do you ever doubt your sexuality or have periods of doubt? I think this could have been shorter but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest and give the actual context of my question.


I think you need to identify what you are sexually- I.e are you sexually attracted to men, women, or both?

And what you want in a romantic sense- I.e. Do you want a relationship with a guy or a girl or both? Unfortunately this normally has a confound in expectations of society and conditioning. But really think about it for yourself.

Working out I was hetereoromantic but bisexual really helped me to understand my sexuality better.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Ethereal World
I think you need to identify what you are sexually- I.e are you sexually attracted to men, women, or both?

And what you want in a romantic sense- I.e. Do you want a relationship with a guy or a girl or both? Unfortunately this normally has a confound in expectations of society and conditioning. But really think about it for yourself.

Working out I was hetereoromantic but bisexual really helped me to understand my sexuality better.


How does that work?
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by hezzlington
How does that work?


She probably meant that she worked out that she was heteroromantic by exploring bisexuality.
Reply 7
Avatar for Darelz
Darelz
14
Original post by hezzlington
How does that work?


I believe it means they are romantically attracted/want to do romantic things only with the opposite sex, yet they are sexually attracted/want to do sexual things with either sex.
Original post by hezzlington
How does that work?


So I'm sexually attracted to men and women and would engage in sexual acts with both.

But I would only be in a relationship with a guy. I like sexual stuff with women/ am sexually attracted to women but do not want to be with one romantically and be a couple or get married or anything.
Original post by Darelz
I believe it means they are romantically attracted/want to do romantic things only with the opposite sex, yet they are sexually attracted/want to do sexual things with either sex.


Correct. :h:
Original post by thecatwithnohat
She probably meant that she worked out that she was heteroromantic by exploring bisexuality.

Isn't heteromantic a type of asexuality?

So, I read that as she likes women sexually, but likes affection/intimacy with males, but not sexually attracted to them.

Wouldn't that mean heteromantic lesbian?
Original post by thecatwithnohat
She probably meant that she worked out that she was heteroromantic by exploring bisexuality.


See above. :h:
Original post by hezzlington
Isn't heteromantic a type of asexuality?

So, I read that as she likes women sexually, but likes affection/intimacy with males, but not sexually attracted to them.

Wouldn't that mean heteromantic lesbian?


No I'm bisexual I.e sexually attracted to men AND women

But heteroromantic - only want romantic stuff with men in terms of affection, cuddles, couple things, relationships, marriage.
Reply 13
Avatar for Darelz
Darelz
14
Original post by Ethereal World
Correct. :h:


Yay, brownie points for me! (Totally not just an excuse to eat brownies...)
Original post by Ethereal World
So I'm sexually attracted to men and women and would engage in sexual acts with both.

But I would only be in a relationship with a guy. I like sexual stuff with women/ am sexually attracted to women but do not want to be with one romantically and be a couple or get married or anything.


I've met a lot of girls like this but they didn't identify with this label, they classified themselves as straight but love to mess around with girls. I haven't really heard it used much in person.

:dontknow:
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by hezzlington
Isn't heteromantic a type of asexuality?

So, I read that as she likes women sexually, but likes affection/intimacy with males, but not sexually attracted to them.

Wouldn't that mean heteromantic lesbian?


That's some confusing stuff, haha. It's great that you're all clued up about who you are, though. :yep: @Ethereal World
Original post by thecatwithnohat
That's some confusing stuff, haha. It's great that you're all clued up about who you are, though. :yep: @Ethereal World


Yeah hence why I was confused! All clarified though.
Original post by Darelz
I believe it means they are romantically attracted/want to do romantic things only with the opposite sex, yet they are sexually attracted/want to do sexual things with either sex.


Can I just say that Soul Eaters was the first and last anime I've ever watched, and I loved it! :biggrin:
Reply 18
Avatar for Darelz
Darelz
14
Original post by thecatwithnohat
Can I just say that Soul Eaters was the first and last anime I've ever watched, and I loved it! :biggrin:

Hehe, you can! Perhaps try Tokyo Ghoul, I think it's rather in the same vein? But I understand if you don't really want to watch more anime, just something you may like since they're similar. :smile:
Original post by hezzlington
Yeah hence why I was confused! All clarified though.


Original post by thecatwithnohat
That's some confusing stuff, haha. It's great that you're all clued up about who you are, though. :yep: @Ethereal World


It's not meant to be confusing. Lol. Sometimes I went through extremely female heavy bisexual stages and it really confused me. Like am I gay? Do I want relationships with women? To which I definitely don't. I love being with guys in that sense but I also love guys sexually.

Working out my romantic leaning and sexual leaning helped me to separate them out and understand what I was feeling.

I know a few gay guys who identify as homosexual but biromantic. Which you can kind of see.

Imagine being homosexual but heteroromantic tho.

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