The Student Room Group

Not enjoying uni- struggling with social side

To start im happy with the course and university itself. Its already second term and I don't have an established group of friends. I probably had unrealistic expectations but I really wanted to come to university make lots of good friends and just have fun. I was first in a corridor style hall, one of the girls next to me I got on with at first but then she spent most of her time at her boyfriends and so I hardly saw her, the other girl next door to me I also hardly saw. I was close to one girl in those halls and still am but she doesn't really enjoy going out. I transferred halls recently to a supposedly more sociable halls, but I am now starting to think it was a rash decision, my flatmates are lovely but already seem to have their established groups and have already decided to move in together next year. Theres people on my course I talk to but have never been out with outside of uni as they all seem to have an established group with their halls mates. The people im closest to on my course are a girl who commutes to uni and has her own life outside of uni, my closest friend did the foundation year last year and thus already has a house and so I cannot move in with her. Everyone seems to have their established groups and friends and although it sounds sad and pathetic ive been really isolated bored and lonely to the point where im becoming extremely frustrated. I always lie to my family and friends back home saying that im happy and going out etc. I think it is starting to impact my mental health slightly ive been feeling quite depressed and started binging and purging and smoking although im not sure what issue this is related to I just know my mood is not normal. Does anyone have any advice? I really want to make close friends in term two but everyone seems settled and to be having a great time
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 1
Have you joined any societies? Thats where most of my social life comes from outside the course.

Maybe consider getting a part time job if you dont already have one it will give you something to do and you can meet new people.
Original post by JB1807
Have you joined any societies? Thats where most of my social life comes from outside the course.

Maybe consider getting a part time job if you dont already have one it will give you something to do and you can meet new people.


I have joined a few, but unfortunately it isn't a big thing at my uni theres only a few of them and hardly any people turn up. Ive already had two part time jobs but most of my co-workers were adults.
Reply 3
Yeah i'm in a similar position, I had more friends at home than I do at uni. I'm gonna start finding things to do by myself though like going to the gym and I just got a new bike so gonna go find some trials :biggrin:
Original post by MasonM
Yeah i'm in a similar position, I had more friends at home than I do at uni. I'm gonna start finding things to do by myself though like going to the gym and I just got a new bike so gonna go find some trials :biggrin:


Is it not making you depressed?
Reply 5
Yea it gets me down sometimes. I've thought about dropping out but that might cause me more issues. If you're already at uni then you may as well make the most of it. There are people in the same boat as you and like others said there are ways to meet more people like joining a social club, as mentioned i've got a new bike so i'm gonna ask my uni if they have something for that. So is there anything that you could look into?

I am thinking of moving to Australia when i'm a little older and in a financial position to do so, so I think that if I quit uni because I couldn't handle the changes then I could forget moving abroad. Basically it'd be best for you to tough it out/make it work.
Original post by MasonM
Yea it gets me down sometimes. I've thought about dropping out but that might cause me more issues. If you're already at uni then you may as well make the most of it. There are people in the same boat as you and like others said there are ways to meet more people like joining a social club, as mentioned i've got a new bike so i'm gonna ask my uni if they have something for that. So is there anything that you could look into?

I am thinking of moving to Australia when i'm a little older and in a financial position to do so, so I think that if I quit uni because I couldn't handle the changes then I could forget moving abroad. Basically it'd be best for you to tough it out/make it work.


Theres societies but not many, and not many people go to them so theyre not good for meeting people. Its just everyone else seems to have made friends with theyre flatmates effortlessly and to be having the time of their lives.
Reply 7
Hmm that sucks, could you not tell your flatmates that you'd love to come out with them one night? & in your op you mention a few friends, i'm sure if you asked every one of them to do something with you that one would surely agree?

Just remember getting depressed about it wont change much :/

e2a: ever thought about going clubbing by yourself?
Original post by MasonM
Hmm that sucks, could you not tell your flatmates that you'd love to come out with them one night? & in your op you mention a few friends, i'm sure if you asked every one of them to do something with you that one would surely agree?

Just remember getting depressed about it wont change much :/

e2a: ever thought about going clubbing by yourself?


I suppose but I feel like its too late to be properly established into the group. I just wanted to find people who I clicked with and it hasnt happened. I should probably ask a few course mates out and make the first move but even then they all seem to have their groups. I wondered if there was any way to meet people in other flats but since its past freshers week thats kind of impossible.
Reply 9
Original post by annabell2014
I suppose but I feel like its too late to be properly established into the group. I just wanted to find people who I clicked with and it hasnt happened. I should probably ask a few course mates out and make the first move but even then they all seem to have their groups. I wondered if there was any way to meet people in other flats but since its past freshers week thats kind of impossible.


Yeh its a bit late to knockon other flats but making the first move is a great idea, maybe they are bored too. Best of luck :P
i'll be a mature student (21 - hardly mature haha) going in september and this is one of my fears.
however, i don't think it's too late to make friends.

if you're a smoker maybe you could try to make conversation in the smoking area? if not, just try to keep asking people if they have plans - if they don't say 'hey do you fancy watching a movie tonight?'

i'm sure lots of people get lonely at uni, especially after xmas when everyone is missing home! just put the feelers out and see what you can do. you might not feel a 'click', but some things take time.

i'm sorry you're feeling low, we can chat on here if that's any help? i hate the idea of you being at uni and feeling low because you have no one :frown:

also, could you try talking to family/friends back home? maybe plan a nice weekend visit home so you have something to look forward to x
wow i'm in the same position tbh.
i feel like everyone at uni already has their group of friends, so it's hard to just randomly join a group :/
i feel as though i'm depressed.

maybe you should go talk to a therapist? or go to your university counsellor xx
Original post by princess-fab
i'll be a mature student (21 - hardly mature haha) going in september and this is one of my fears.
however, i don't think it's too late to make friends.

if you're a smoker maybe you could try to make conversation in the smoking area? if not, just try to keep asking people if they have plans - if they don't say 'hey do you fancy watching a movie tonight?'

i'm sure lots of people get lonely at uni, especially after xmas when everyone is missing home! just put the feelers out and see what you can do. you might not feel a 'click', but some things take time.

i'm sorry you're feeling low, we can chat on here if that's any help? i hate the idea of you being at uni and feeling low because you have no one :frown:

also, could you try talking to family/friends back home? maybe plan a nice weekend visit home so you have something to look forward to x

Hey, im not a mature student im only 19, I think that's what makes it worse the fact that I should be out drinking and letting go etc. Yeah I am a recent smoker and I noticed it was easy to strike conversations outside in smoking areas.My best friends from home is coming up next week for a few days so that should be good but I still feel like I have to lie and pretend like everything is great. Id be happy to talk on here!
Original post by forever_confused
wow i'm in the same position tbh.
i feel like everyone at uni already has their group of friends, so it's hard to just randomly join a group :/
i feel as though i'm depressed.

maybe you should go talk to a therapist? or go to your university counsellor xx

I planned on going this week actually , although I feel a bit silly

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