How do you get over someone who does not want you, once and for all?

Hi all. I'm female and I got rejected by a guy I like when I confessed my feelings.

I've avoided him a for a while and I constantly feel embarrassed around him now, almost like he has power over me because I exposed my vulnerable side to him but got rejected. I can't avoid him forever as we are in close quarters with too many mutual friends.

I know we will never be together but as I fall asleep I seem to lose all rationale and believe there is hope. I often dream about him.

He is a troubled guy and no-so confident and I want to care take of him so badly. It hurts me to know that he is hurting and I can't do anything about it. Looking into his sad face breaks my heart.

Please TSR users.... Talk some sense into me and release me from this - once and for all! I would be so grateful :smile:

Reply 1

Cyber_Punk_

In Pickup we call this "Oneitis". The cure is to **** 10 other people.

Reply 2

monica555

Original post by Anonymous

Well first I wanna say respect for actually asking him out! That's a really big deal for me as I don't think I could do that unless I knew for sure he liked me back.

It's bad that you got rejected and I can understand that the situation would be tough as at some point you will have to face him again. It's normal to feel embarrassed around him. Sometimes you just can't help it. The only thing that would probably make you stop acting that way is time. Try to surround yourself with your friends and other activities. Keep yourself busy. This is going to sound harsh but as much as you like this guy, sometimes it's best to let it go and try to move on. He rejected your confession. Just because he seems "troubled" doesn't mean that you can't be there for him as a friend later on when the time is right. Sometimes it just isn't meant to happen my friend...

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Reply 3

Conkerr

I'm exactly in the same situation. I was rejected by my best friend about 3 months ago. The only difference is that it's not awkward between us. We were really good friends before. She's my best friend and we have many mutual friends so I don't want/can't avoid her either. When I'm not with her I feel bad and think about her all the time. When I'm with her I'm jealous (she's not shy with men and she's a bit of a tease) and sometimes we end up having an argument because of my feelings. Somehow we have managed to stay good friends so far.

There's no magical solution... The best thing to do is to cut him out of your life but for the same reasons as me you can't. Try to stay busy, meet other people. Anyway, that's what I'm trying to do. Everything else I have tried it hasn't worked.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Jimib5863

In Pickup we call this "Oneitis". The cure is to **** 10 other people.

Okay but I'm female and I haven't even slept with 10 people in my entire life, and I don't plan to. Is there another alternative? Like dating 10 people over tim (but not having any kind of intimacy)?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by monica555

Thank you I've never done anything like that before and it was so scary! But I honestly felt in my heart like it was the right thing to do and I honestly thought he had feelings for me too.

Yes I will have to keep myself busy. I'm guilty at times of just sitting around thinking about him, and skipping some activities as my confidence and feelings of worthiness took a blow. I am starting to be a bit more active now.

That's a good point I can still be there as a friend but I just don't want to get any more emotionally entangled or drawn closer to him. I suppose it's about learning to keep him at arms length in some way without walking away altogether.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Conkerr

Yes that's the problem for me as well I can't really avoid him without just avoiding everyone I know altogether and becoming a hermit. And every time I look at him I go right back to the start.

I've actually been a fantastic actress and it's not awkward between us at all but deep down I am humiliated, hurt and just want to rescue him so badly. Every time he talks to another girl I ask myself what makes her so much better than me? How am I going to cope the day I see him hook up with someone? Yes it's just slow torture really, and I know it's of my own doing it's not like he is leading me on or giving me hope I'm just lying to myself.

I'm curious, with your friend do you know what it is that makes you want her so badly and deeply? Is there anything perhaps that you may be projecting on to her. For me I think I really want to take care of him, I want him to feel accepted and confident and to know that he doesn't have to feel alone. I've no idea why I hold on to this so strongly I'm so frustrated with myself :frown:

Reply 7

tootles44

Im a girl and Ive been through something similar.The thing that will help is time and no contact. I know it probably feels like you won't get over him any time soon if ever, but trust me, the longer you go no contact the less you'll think about him and be able to move on. This means not calling/texting him, not going up to him to say hello and if he does stop to chat just keep it very brief and leave the convo quickly (be polite like you would to your distant aunt or uncle), he's not your boyfriend and theirs no reason to worry about if he'll think you're being cold or distant, it literally doesn't matter anymore because you can't change the fact that he doesn't want you.

Go out and meet new people, both male and female, flirt and go on dates but if you think you're not ready for that yet, at least try and keep an open mind for guys you might find attractive. Throw yourself into your hobbies an try not to sit around doing nothing as the thoughts of him will inevitably creep in at some point :smile:

If you try and remain friends it will only delay you being able to move on since you can't remain just friends with someone you have feelings for.

Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 8

Conkerr

Original post by Anonymous

I agree with everything. I feel exactly the same. Especially the part where you say that you don't want to cut this person out of your life because there is too much too lose (too many mutual friends that you couldn't see anymore or would see way less often). I think all the time about when the girl I like is going to be with someone again. She's single so far and it's already so hard for me, how will I be able to deal with it when she finds a boyfriend? She's my best friend so I will be happy for her but I think it will be just be impossible to be around her when she finds one.

I want her so badly and deeply because we get on so well. I don't often have female friends. I have many male friends but she's basically my only female friend. And she's really attractive so yeah, that's why I would like more than just friendship.

I hope you will be able to move on. But it will be really hard without cutting him completely out of your life... That's a terrible solution but it's often the only solution. I'm actually thinking about doing that because I just can't continue like this. It's killing me to think that I'm ready to lose my best friend and about 15 other good friends (she's almost always there when I see them...) but what else can we do?

Reply 9

BrokenLife

Original post by Anonymous

I'm sorry for what happened with you. And i'm afraid i won't be able to give much of a advice. Unfortunately, women like me and you who genuinely care and like a guy get turned down. I feel you because I know how it feels when you GENUINELY care and like someone and can't even express your feelings. Women are very expressive when it comes to love and affection and if we don't express it, it can be tough.

Some men will never value this trait of women. Can't do much about it. But yes, in your case, I really don't know what sufficient advice I can offer you. I'm so sorry. :frown: