bf had a sleepover with another girl
Last week, my boyfriend told me we wouldn't be able to see each other on saturday because a bunch of friends from his school were staying over at his house. I hesitated in asking if there would be girls included but i though it was a stupid question, that he wouldn't do that... so i agreed (not like i had a choice anyway) and the next day when i arrived at about 12 am they were still at his house (he told me they would leave in the morning so i expected them to have already left) and my bf said that i could take a walk in town or wait in his room while his friends finish their breakfast.. and when i got inside his house there was a girl, my bf didn't seem to mind at all and he told me her name, but at this moment it made me really sad.. i'm not really the jealous type but it bothered me that there he had a girl sleepover at his house. To be honest, what bothered me the most was that he didn't tell me there would be a girl in his group of friends and that i discovered it myself the next day.. i feel really bad for reacting like that, but i don't really know if it's my fault for overreacting or if he did something wrong..
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I think he should have told you a girl was going to sleep over too, and your right in feeling this way as I would too. Though you have to think of it from his perspective as well. You must have some guy friends that even your bf doesn't know about, so that might be the case for your by as well but with girls. He probably didn't tell you about her because he didn't honk it would upset you. If his intentions during the sleepover was purely based on friendships then I wouldn't think it matters.
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I don't really see the problem in the girl sleeping over as one of a group of friends... Do you object to him having female friends at all? What about male friends who are gay? Or female friends who are lesbian? Or any other permutation of "friend" who is not you, and who therefore he has chosen you to be in a relationship with over?
Had he told you which of his guy friends would be staying, and deliberately not metioned a girl? That would be weird. But "hey, I have some friends staying over" in my books says nothing about their sex and/or genders, and everything about their relationships (notably that, unless he is actively lying to you, they are in no way something which could be conceived as your problem).
That said, you feel the way you do, ie. uncomfortable, and that's ok. You can't do anything about how you feel, but you can chose how to act. And in terms of your original question, I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend, along with lots of other perfectly wonderful partners in the universe, can be friends with people, and sleep over with them, without it being romantic at all.
The only possible thing you could be unhappy about in your post is that he asked you to leave while they were having breakfast, and come back later. If they're his friends, it might be nice if you eventually met them, because hopefully you will eventually be doing stuff together. (When you start spending time with his friends as his girlfriend is dependant on lots of things including how old you are, how closely knit friendship groups are etc. etc. of course.) I would be hurt by this action, coming from my boyfriend (who has had mixed-sex groups stay with him on holiday without my being in the least worried). But I don't know what your relationship with his friends is like.
Anyway, that's my thoughts, make what you will of them.
Had he told you which of his guy friends would be staying, and deliberately not metioned a girl? That would be weird. But "hey, I have some friends staying over" in my books says nothing about their sex and/or genders, and everything about their relationships (notably that, unless he is actively lying to you, they are in no way something which could be conceived as your problem).
That said, you feel the way you do, ie. uncomfortable, and that's ok. You can't do anything about how you feel, but you can chose how to act. And in terms of your original question, I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend, along with lots of other perfectly wonderful partners in the universe, can be friends with people, and sleep over with them, without it being romantic at all.
The only possible thing you could be unhappy about in your post is that he asked you to leave while they were having breakfast, and come back later. If they're his friends, it might be nice if you eventually met them, because hopefully you will eventually be doing stuff together. (When you start spending time with his friends as his girlfriend is dependant on lots of things including how old you are, how closely knit friendship groups are etc. etc. of course.) I would be hurt by this action, coming from my boyfriend (who has had mixed-sex groups stay with him on holiday without my being in the least worried). But I don't know what your relationship with his friends is like.
Anyway, that's my thoughts, make what you will of them.
Original post by emilyb96
I don't really see the problem in the girl sleeping over as one of a group of friends... Do you object to him having female friends at all? What about male friends who are gay? Or female friends who are lesbian? Or any other permutation of "friend" who is not you, and who therefore he has chosen you to be in a relationship with over?
Had he told you which of his guy friends would be staying, and deliberately not metioned a girl? That would be weird. But "hey, I have some friends staying over" in my books says nothing about their sex and/or genders, and everything about their relationships (notably that, unless he is actively lying to you, they are in no way something which could be conceived as your problem).
That said, you feel the way you do, ie. uncomfortable, and that's ok. You can't do anything about how you feel, but you can chose how to act. And in terms of your original question, I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend, along with lots of other perfectly wonderful partners in the universe, can be friends with people, and sleep over with them, without it being romantic at all.
The only possible thing you could be unhappy about in your post is that he asked you to leave while they were having breakfast, and come back later. If they're his friends, it might be nice if you eventually met them, because hopefully you will eventually be doing stuff together. (When you start spending time with his friends as his girlfriend is dependant on lots of things including how old you are, how closely knit friendship groups are etc. etc. of course.) I would be hurt by this action, coming from my boyfriend (who has had mixed-sex groups stay with him on holiday without my being in the least worried). But I don't know what your relationship with his friends is like.
Anyway, that's my thoughts, make what you will of them.
Had he told you which of his guy friends would be staying, and deliberately not metioned a girl? That would be weird. But "hey, I have some friends staying over" in my books says nothing about their sex and/or genders, and everything about their relationships (notably that, unless he is actively lying to you, they are in no way something which could be conceived as your problem).
That said, you feel the way you do, ie. uncomfortable, and that's ok. You can't do anything about how you feel, but you can chose how to act. And in terms of your original question, I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend, along with lots of other perfectly wonderful partners in the universe, can be friends with people, and sleep over with them, without it being romantic at all.
The only possible thing you could be unhappy about in your post is that he asked you to leave while they were having breakfast, and come back later. If they're his friends, it might be nice if you eventually met them, because hopefully you will eventually be doing stuff together. (When you start spending time with his friends as his girlfriend is dependant on lots of things including how old you are, how closely knit friendship groups are etc. etc. of course.) I would be hurt by this action, coming from my boyfriend (who has had mixed-sex groups stay with him on holiday without my being in the least worried). But I don't know what your relationship with his friends is like.
Anyway, that's my thoughts, make what you will of them.
Pretty much this, and I agree the bit in bold is the only thing that I think was a bit out of line and rude.
The fact that there was a girl there is irrelevant really.
Original post by SophieSmall
Pretty much this, and I agree the bit in bold is the only thing that I think was a bit out of line and rude.
The fact that there was a girl there is irrelevant really.
The fact that there was a girl there is irrelevant really.
Thank you both for your answers. I think it was more of a "snowball effect" kind of thing, i got pissed because he asked me to leave when i spent an hour getting ready and came to his house all cute and happy-go-lucky, and then i was waiting alone in his room while i could hear them laughing and having fun downstairs eating breakfast.. it pissed me off a bit that they saw me and my boyfriend mentioned that i was his girlfriend (because at first they had mistaken me for.. his little sister, which i found a bit rude.. i know i'm a shorty but come on!), yet they didn't try to eat quicker so they could leave faster so my boyfriend and i could be together (because they were supposed to leave way earlier than they did) and then i though about the girl, which pissed me off too.. probably because i was already irritated and grumpy because of what happened before. I know it's stupid because she didn't sleep in the same room as my bf and it doesn't matter if she's a girl or not because i trust him but yeah, i was being moody because of everything else. I ended up apologizing to him for being jealous because i though i reacted really bad to the situation.. He sometimes has sleepovers with gay friends too, which wouldn't bother me so much if his friend didn't clearly stated that he was interested in my bf.. i guess i'm just really insecure and need to work on myself more
Original post by Lolq1234
Thank you both for your answers. I think it was more of a "snowball effect" kind of thing, i got pissed because he asked me to leave when i spent an hour getting ready and came to his house all cute and happy-go-lucky, and then i was waiting alone in his room while i could hear them laughing and having fun downstairs eating breakfast.. it pissed me off a bit that they saw me and my boyfriend mentioned that i was his girlfriend (because at first they had mistaken me for.. his little sister, which i found a bit rude.. i know i'm a shorty but come on!), yet they didn't try to eat quicker so they could leave faster so my boyfriend and i could be together (because they were supposed to leave way earlier than they did) and then i though about the girl, which pissed me off too.. probably because i was already irritated and grumpy because of what happened before. I know it's stupid because she didn't sleep in the same room as my bf and it doesn't matter if she's a girl or not because i trust him but yeah, i was being moody because of everything else. I ended up apologizing to him for being jealous because i though i reacted really bad to the situation.. He sometimes has sleepovers with gay friends too, which wouldn't bother me so much if his friend didn't clearly stated that he was interested in my bf.. i guess i'm just really insecure and need to work on myself more
It;s good that you recognise you're annoyance at the girl being there was irrational and that you can relate it to maybe being because of personal insecurities.
But you definitely shouldn't apologise for being pissed that he asked you to go and wait in his room while he ate breakfast with his friends. Because that was just rude of him, If my guy did that to me, oh boy would words be had!
Original post by emilyb96
I don't really see the problem in the girl sleeping over as one of a group of friends... Do you object to him having female friends at all? What about male friends who are gay? Or female friends who are lesbian? Or any other permutation of "friend" who is not you, and who therefore he has chosen you to be in a relationship with over?
Had he told you which of his guy friends would be staying, and deliberately not metioned a girl? That would be weird. But "hey, I have some friends staying over" in my books says nothing about their sex and/or genders, and everything about their relationships (notably that, unless he is actively lying to you, they are in no way something which could be conceived as your problem).
That said, you feel the way you do, ie. uncomfortable, and that's ok. You can't do anything about how you feel, but you can chose how to act. And in terms of your original question, I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend, along with lots of other perfectly wonderful partners in the universe, can be friends with people, and sleep over with them, without it being romantic at all.
The only possible thing you could be unhappy about in your post is that he asked you to leave while they were having breakfast, and come back later. If they're his friends, it might be nice if you eventually met them, because hopefully you will eventually be doing stuff together. (When you start spending time with his friends as his girlfriend is dependant on lots of things including how old you are, how closely knit friendship groups are etc. etc. of course.) I would be hurt by this action, coming from my boyfriend (who has had mixed-sex groups stay with him on holiday without my being in the least worried). But I don't know what your relationship with his friends is like.
Anyway, that's my thoughts, make what you will of them.
Had he told you which of his guy friends would be staying, and deliberately not metioned a girl? That would be weird. But "hey, I have some friends staying over" in my books says nothing about their sex and/or genders, and everything about their relationships (notably that, unless he is actively lying to you, they are in no way something which could be conceived as your problem).
That said, you feel the way you do, ie. uncomfortable, and that's ok. You can't do anything about how you feel, but you can chose how to act. And in terms of your original question, I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend, along with lots of other perfectly wonderful partners in the universe, can be friends with people, and sleep over with them, without it being romantic at all.
The only possible thing you could be unhappy about in your post is that he asked you to leave while they were having breakfast, and come back later. If they're his friends, it might be nice if you eventually met them, because hopefully you will eventually be doing stuff together. (When you start spending time with his friends as his girlfriend is dependant on lots of things including how old you are, how closely knit friendship groups are etc. etc. of course.) I would be hurt by this action, coming from my boyfriend (who has had mixed-sex groups stay with him on holiday without my being in the least worried). But I don't know what your relationship with his friends is like.
Anyway, that's my thoughts, make what you will of them.
I like his friends a lot, we went to Disney together! But the friends he invited for a sleepover were friends from his school that i don't know.. i'm very shy and introverted as a person so i have trouble meeting new people, but if i met his friends in a different situation i would have gotten along with them for sure! Sorry about my english by the way, it's not my main language haha
Original post by Lolq1234
I like his friends a lot, we went to Disney together! But the friends he invited for a sleepover were friends from his school that i don't know.. i'm very shy and introverted as a person so i have trouble meeting new people, but if i met his friends in a different situation i would have gotten along with them for sure! Sorry about my english by the way, it's not my main language haha
I can see what you mean but on this occasion it was your boyfriend who suggested you and his friends be in separate rooms over breakfast, whereas you're more than capable of assessing where to place yourself when shy. So I think your boyfriend might have social functioning problems if he can't just chill.
I think there's nothing for you to do but to carry on with life. Any repeats of his behaviour might simply make him less attractive over time.
Original post by organiccupcake
I can see what you mean but on this occasion it was your boyfriend who suggested you and his friends be in separate rooms over breakfast, whereas you're more than capable of assessing where to place yourself when shy. So I think your boyfriend might have social functioning problems if he can't just chill.
I think there's nothing for you to do but to carry on with life. Any repeats of his behaviour might simply make him less attractive over time.
I think there's nothing for you to do but to carry on with life. Any repeats of his behaviour might simply make him less attractive over time.
I think sometimes he does silly things that he doesn't think would upset me at all, for him it's no big deal and he doesn't have bad attentions but you know, girls don't always see it that way haha.. i should just tell him that sometimes even if he doesn't mean to, he can do things that i don't really like, otherwise he will never know how i feel about it !
Original post by Lolq1234
I like his friends a lot, we went to Disney together! But the friends he invited for a sleepover were friends from his school that i don't know.. i'm very shy and introverted as a person so i have trouble meeting new people, but if i met his friends in a different situation i would have gotten along with them for sure! Sorry about my english by the way, it's not my main language haha
Having read both of your comments, I agree with the comment above: you can make your own decisions about whether you want to socialise with his friends who are still around or not. You'd be totally justified not to want to, but you can decide that for yourself. I'm glad you agree that that is the bigger problem here, and that you were paralleling irritation at a thing which it is completely fair for you to be irritated about (and therefore, if you want to, talk to your bf about), with insecurity.
I hope you work things out, and frankly, I hope your bf apologises for his rudeness in sending you upstairs and not chivvying his friends, once he'd left you upstairs by yourself.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by emilyb96
Having read both of your comments, I agree with the comment above: you can make your own decisions about whether you want to socialise with his friends who are still around or not. You'd be totally justified not to want to, but you can decide that for yourself. I'm glad you agree that that is the bigger problem here, and that you were paralleling irritation at a thing which it is completely fair for you to be irritated about (and therefore, if you want to, talk to your bf about), with insecurity.
I hope you work things out, and frankly, I hope your bf apologises for his rudeness in sending you upstairs and not chivvying his friends, once he'd left you upstairs by yourself.
I hope you work things out, and frankly, I hope your bf apologises for his rudeness in sending you upstairs and not chivvying his friends, once he'd left you upstairs by yourself.
Thank you for your reply
Right now i am trying to fix my inner insecurities by myself, because i think that i'm the only one who can do that, but when i'll be more confident i will talk about it to him more. After all, we've been together for a long time now and communication is very important in a relationship. We both have something to learn out of this haha, next time he should introduce me to his friends, so i can get along with them and see things in a more positive way Original post by Lolq1234
Thank you for your reply Right now i am trying to fix my inner insecurities by myself, because i think that i'm the only one who can do that, but when i'll be more confident i will talk about it to him more. After all, we've been together for a long time now and communication is very important in a relationship. We both have something to learn out of this haha, next time he should introduce me to his friends, so i can get along with them and see things in a more positive way
Right now i am trying to fix my inner insecurities by myself, because i think that i'm the only one who can do that, but when i'll be more confident i will talk about it to him more. After all, we've been together for a long time now and communication is very important in a relationship. We both have something to learn out of this haha, next time he should introduce me to his friends, so i can get along with them and see things in a more positive way That sounds like the best solution to me. And for what its worth from a random internet stranger, I'm sending you all the good vibes I can for dealing with insecurities. It's not easy, but I'm sure you can do it! xx
Okay guys, so as i was reading your answers i though about it and understood that it was no big deal. But i just saw my boyfriend two hours ago, and this happened.. We were supposed to see Deadpool together for Valentine's day, and today he just told me that his friends from the sleepover invited him to see it and he said yes.. so they actually watched it today while i was in school.. ><
Original post by Lolq1234
Okay guys, so as i was reading your answers i though about it and understood that it was no big deal. But i just saw my boyfriend two hours ago, and this happened.. We were supposed to see Deadpool together for Valentine's day, and today he just told me that his friends from the sleepover invited him to see it and he said yes.. so they actually watched it today while i was in school.. ><
Yeah that was a complete dick move, I'd be pissed.
Also lol I just got back home from seeing deadpool
Original post by whorace
Group is fine, if it's just the two of them red flag
this tbh
Original post by SophieSmall
Yeah that was a complete dick move, I'd be pissed.
Also lol I just got back home from seeing deadpool
Also lol I just got back home from seeing deadpool
I guess i'll watch it online then.. how was it though?
If you trusted him as your boyfriend I don't think you'd have a problem with it. Sure you'd want to know why and what they were going to be doing, but you clearly stated that a group of his friends would be staying for the night at his house. I don't see the problem, but I can see why you think how you do. You're protective and we can all see that, most people are. However, if he had a mix of genders around I don't see why a problem would arise. (My opinion.)
Original post by mkap
if there were other guys there too then it wouldnt be an issue, fair enough if it was just him and her
Hit the nail on the head
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