Feeling left out at university?

I've just started my second semester at university and my last semester ended pretty good. I had sorted out my house for next year, I had a good group of friends from my halls, course and societies. But now I feel like things have changed.

Now, I'm finding that a lot of these friends aren't what they cracked up to be. It was my birthday the other weekend and I wasn't expecting loads but at the very least I was expecting some people to come out. The people in my block who came out completely ignored during pre-drinks and were taking pictures together without including me, like it was someone else's birthday! Plus, the girl who I considered one of my best friends at university disappeared with some guy for the entire night instead of celebrating my birthday with me. As for the people on my course, quite a few of them said they were too busy to come out and then I saw them in the nightclub later on with other people. So they clearly didn't want to go out with me, not even on my birthday. This annoyed me a lot because when it was my flatmate's birthday in November, literally everyone made the effort and came out with him for his birthday.

The disappointment of my birthday has sparked quite a lot of questioning into whether my friends are genuine. Because now I feel myself being let down on a day to day basis.

Now I find that I'm being left out of a lot of things here, especially with my course friends. I was ill with tonsillitis the first week back after exams so I missed some lectures and since then they've been organising stuff without including me. I see all this stuff on snapchat of them hanging out in each other's rooms or going out together and it makes me really upset.

Even worse, a girl on my course who I considered a good friend of mine is purposely leaving me out of things, even when she's in my building. She knows the girl in the room opposite to mine from home and she always comes over to see her but she doesn't even bother knocking on my door and saying hi. This even happened the day after my birthday (she couldn't come on the night out for some reason) and all I could hear was her giggling with the girl in my block. This really upset me and if anything I feel a bit betrayed by her as she never makes the effort with me.

Literally just now I saw that she was with some girls on my course tonight, girls that I'm pretty sure don't know her as well as I do, and where was my invite? It hurts so much when I see all this crap on snap chat and it breaks me.

All of this stress and worry has been causing a lot of problems aswell. My anxiety is returning, I constantly feel low, I have insomnia and barely sleep at night which causes me to sleep in and miss lectures and generally I've secluded myself more.
I'm questioning now whether I have any friends at all, I'm sick of always feeling left out and like an outsider. What should I do?

Reply 1

Kanairee

Speaking from personal experience, it's always best to have a close circle of friends rather than a load of people who you're sort-of friends with. It sucks that the people you're living with are being like this, maybe you could try joining some societies to get to know different groups of people to hang around with. You'll be starting on a plus since you'll share interests with them already. Most societies organise socials and things for members so there'd be no danger of being excluded there. Also maybe try putting yourself out there with your flatmates, socialise a bit more by suggesting a flat dinner or something, so you all cook together.

The important thing is not working yourself up over other peoples' opinions. First and foremost the opinion that matters most about you is yours, so if you're happy with yourself, people that aren't can suck it. If you feel confident enough, maybe confront some of these people about why they're doing it, you'll never know unless you ask.

Reply 2

NoPunInThisName

Genuine people are surprisingly tough to come by these days, a lot of folk our age tend to serve their own interests rather than looking out for others and that's a true shame. Just cut them out too, I'd say. Life's too short to give a **** about "friends" like that, keep plugging away and after 100 *******s, you'll find that one gem. :yy:

Feeling left out at university?

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