The Student Room Group

Fear of intimacy

I'm 21 and after several years of screwing around and having one-night stands I realised why I never had a meaningful relationship.
I've got intimacy issues, I think.

Throughout the Sixth Form and Uni now I had like 7-8 solid chances of getting a GF I would actually like. However every time our relationship (more like friendship) progresses to a stage where it is clear that we should be together, I bail.

As long as we're flirting in classes, kissing in nightclubs everything is cool, but after a few weeks when she clearly shows that she wants a relationship, I unconsciously cool down everything. I say unconsciously because I really like the girl but still for some reason can't go over the real relationship stage.

So how do I get over this? I would love to say that I should just push harder next time a potential GF appears, but believe me this is more of an unconscious process than anything else.
You need to really think about what you want in a woman. You're in uni, which means that you must be pretty smart. You want someone who appeals to your eyes, but also connects mentally with you. Someone who can uphold a conversation with you. Someone who is your 'type' should you have one... Once you finally decide that, think about whether you want the possibility of spending weekends and evenings together at a dinner table... Think about if it's love you're really looking for. Because at 21, you're at the prime of your life. Women will always want more, but if you don't at the moment, then tell them that
Dude, you're only 21. It's not a 'fear of intimacy' that you had- it's more like a horny teenage syndrome.

Now you've grown up a bit more and you can see past your penis needs.

There's nothing wrong with you- so stop over thinking it and you'll be fine.
Reply 3
Original post by hollywoodbudgie
Dude, you're only 21. It's not a 'fear of intimacy' that you had- it's more like a horny teenage syndrome.

Now you've grown up a bit more and you can see past your penis needs.

There's nothing wrong with you- so stop over thinking it and you'll be fine.


Hey I'm a sophisticated mature male. Jk, I am horny.

But nevertheless I want a relationship and can't seem to actually get into one without some inner fight. 21 is not that young btw...
Reply 4
Original post by NeoXx
Hey I'm a sophisticated mature male. Jk, I am horny.

But nevertheless I want a relationship and can't seem to actually get into one without some inner fight. 21 is not that young btw...


I truly believe that the right girl will eventually come along and you'd want to make the effort to be more intimate with her and want to be in a relationship with her. When you meet the right person (don't go looking for them, I think they'll eventually find their way to your life), you'll want to have a relationship with them, you wouldn't want to lose them.
Sounds more like a fear of commitment rather than intimacy.

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