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Am I right to feel angry?

I started university last September and I became very close to two of my flat mates. The latter took a few weeks to join us so I bonded lots with the first one. We were SUPER close and clicked so well, like we literally made each other laugh constantly and we were literally inseperable always with each other. Then the new one came a few weeks later and we soon bonded with her too, so we became a group of three best friends. We went everywhere together, helped each other and were always there for each other, made each other laugh all of the time etc. The other two did the same course and I did a different course but apart from that we were with each other practically every minute.Then in December it's time to start arranging student houses for next year. Usually close friends live with each other. I ask them if we should get a place, they both say that they want to live on their own separately. So I have nowhere to go. One day I'm walking through the corridor and I hear one of them on the phone saying that she's going to live in a house with the other one, together.I was so shocked, and quite hurt. I asked the other one if it was true, she said that they had been thinking about it for a while. I didn't get why they had lied and left me out, when there's a group of 3 very close friends you all live together (usually up to 6 people live in student houses). I'm not dirty at all, I clean and tidy my room everyday and clean the kitchen regularly, wash my dishes etc. so I couldn't understand why they would leave me out. I felt like they had pretended to like me all this time.After that I stopped speaking to them, I never angrily confronted them. Am I right to feel hurt and angry? Who is in the wrong?

Reply 1

999tigger

Unerstandably hurt, they let you down and werent as good friends as you thoughts. they lied when they could have been straight. Wrong yes, but these things happen.

Not sure where angry gets you, they just werent the people you thought. Anger is destructive and can end up doing you more damage. find new friends and learn from it.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

So I am right to feel hurt and angry? When I say angry I don't mean I'm raging, I've mostly gotten over it I have new friends. But I want to know if it's okay for me to have felt that way.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I would feel upset about it yeh. They defintely should have told you and not lied about it but the thing is, they probably didnt want to upset you. Although you say you were good friends... From there side i guess they didnt quite see it that way. If you dont mind answering, so you have any social problems?

Reply 4

Inazuma

Yes, I can totally understand why you'd be angry.
I'd probably ask them why they didn't want to live with you and why they lied.
It's not what friends do, even if they didn't want to live with you for some reason.

I'd move on then, and find another house with a spare spot. Always time for new people.

Reply 5

jess_may1

Completely understandable to be angry! But the best advice I'd say is to move on and find new people to share a house with and hangout with... You'll send the message that you don't need them and will get over them more quickly.

They're clearly not nice people! It's fine for them not to want to be your friend but you keep up the pretence for this long and go behind you back like that is just bitchy. You don't want people like that as your friends anyway :smile:

Reply 6

username1623349

It's understandable that you're upset, but I doubt it was done out of malice. I'm sure that they just wanted to live together, and lied so as not to hurt your feelings (although obviously it ended up hurting your feelings anyway). No one is "in the wrong", although not speaking to them is a little immature on your part. Unfortunately it seems that you were not as close as you think you were. You just need to keep your head held high and be the bigger person. You are upset but being bitter won't help - it will just make things worse.

Reply 7

Dann842

You are right to feel hurt.
No-one is in the wrong, but morally they should have kept you in the loop rather than going behind your back.
My advice would be to accept what's happened and move on. There are loads of adverts on student accommodation sites that need an extra person to fill a spare room in their flat/house - be that extra person. There are tonnes of circumstances that land a person with no-one to live with next year. Keep your chin up.

With regards of whether it's 'right' to feel angry or sad... I'd advise using and trusting your own moral compass. If, looking back on it, you feel that your anger or sorrow was unjustified - why was it unjustified? When something similar happens in the future, how will you deal with it differently? If you think your actions were justified, then no problem. Everyone has a moral compass that points in a slightly different direction, and standing with the majority does not necessarily justify what is right and what is wrong.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

So I am right to feel hurt and angry? When I say angry I don't mean I'm raging, I've mostly gotten over it I have new friends. But I want to know if it's okay for me to have felt that way.

Yes, they hurt you and let you own. What they did was pretty crappy,

threes a crowd, duh

Original post by Justmoll28

threes a crowd, duh

That's what my mum said, but still people usually live with like 4 or 5 other people or so. The fact that they didn't want to live with their only other friend shows they pretended to like me.

Reply 11

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

That's what my mum said, but still people usually live with like 4 or 5 other people or so. The fact that they didn't want to live with their only other friend shows they pretended to like me.

I wouldnt let it bother you, they could easily fall out in the future. Ask anyone and they would all say they were in the wrong, theye were weak and disloyal and you are better off without them.

Reply 12

Justmoll28

Original post by Anonymous

That's what my mum said, but still people usually live with like 4 or 5 other people or so. The fact that they didn't want to live with their only other friend shows they pretended to like me.