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Should I be friends with my ex after this?

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    (Original post by Ribbits)
    Does she know how this night made you feel? That you were literally worried sick the entire time? Maybe she genuinely doesn't even realise?

    I don't understand why people would assume she cheated on you. Nothing about the story on its own suggests anything of the sort to me - is there some other reason you would doubt her? Other behaviour or things about her personality not mentioned here? Because what I'm reading is that she was drunk on a night out, met a friend, said goodbye to you, hung out with him, fell asleep, went home, told you about it the next morning. Didn't think much of it, maybe didn't realise that you hadn't simply also just been drunk and gone to sleep?
    These things happen on nights out and at universities.

    If she knows how it made you feel and isn't concerned/doesn't care - then that is horrible.
    If she potentially doesn't understand just how seriously you were affected, then I would say it is worth explaining to her and giving her the chance to care, simply as a friend. If you can't be open with each other and she doesn't care about you in a basic way, then she's no friend. But at the moment, maybe she's honestly just unaware? It happens.

    went out with a MALE friend while DRUNK and fell asleep in his bed ? like come on is there anything more suspicious than that ? Oh yeah, add on the fact she broke up with him days later (probably because she cheated with him).
    • Thread Starter

    Cheers for your sensitivity mate but this is the internet I guess

    Another one of my friends who's engaged got really drunk at a club and went home with a male friend and slept in his bed. When she told me where she'd slept that night I was like '.....mate' but after a bit I was like actually there's no way this engaged friend would have done anything given her character and relationship with her fiancé.
    All am saying is my ex said nothing happened and here's an actual example of this sort of innocent "sleep over" lol

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    (Original post by Lampshayde)
    Yeah I wanna stop dwelling on it but so long as I live with her moving on from it entirely doesn't feel like an option.
    I realised that the banter we had was my favourite thing about her and therefore could still have that as friends.

    Some things that make me think she didn't cheat however are:
    -We watched a film before we went out and she kept calling this woman in the film a ***** for cheating on her husband
    -When she got home she talked about things in really light hearted way and didn't seem uncomfortable around me. I told her I didn't wanna speak to her but she invited me to breakfast with her friends who were down and to go and hangout on campus with them. Just didnt feel like talking to someone who had just cheated
    -I've never known her to lie to me

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yeah, to be honest it really does seem like the straightforward truth. Two people that have a laugh together and clearly respect each other but just aren't compatible longterm as lovers for whatever reason/s. You're just living your lives.

    Since she had already decided to split up with you - maybe it was this that you had been unconsciously sensing without realising? That had filtered through into your mind and made you feel so gut-wrenchingly panicked that night when she was gone and most likely, from what you knew when you left her, with another guy. Maybe if the same thing had happened when she wasn't about to leave you, you wouldn't even have had such serious doubts about it. If circumstances just happened to end up that way, I could go off, lose my phone and stay the night with a male acquaintance without my fiance batting an eyelid, and vice versa. Not because we're doormat fools, but because we genuinely just care for each other too deeply for it to even be a remote fear.

    You know, when you're just so sound with someone you know they've got your back? That doesn't have to be in a relationship only, the romantic love being gone doesn't mean she'd cheat - but maybe a sensed uncertainty can make a mind panic and get scared, become convinced of whatever conscious ideas it thinks of that fit the feelings. Everyone gets worked up into a state in the right circumstances: rationalising it away doesn't make it any less terrible to have experienced or valid, but it does aceept that it isn't always because the world had actually ended.

    Of course, I could be wrong about all this - it's just how it seems from the way you talk, the kind of person you seem like. I doubt you were deluded and blind in liking her or that your connection as people was/is terrible.

    I'd personally still want to talk to her about it if it was me, let her know that it actually really upset me and I didn't feel like she'd understood that. I tend to seek reassurance. But that's up to you since you know yourself/her/the situation better.

    my advice is either one of these options
    1)dont be friends with her and make her jealous get a new gf get a VERY attractive VERY close friend and make her think your together
    2)get over it and move on
    3)be the HOT ex
    4)show no interest towards her

    you will thank me later
    • Thread Starter

    I believe her when she said she'd decided a week ago bout breaking up - had been off with me that week and she said was cause she knew she would break up

    Cheers mate but I'll leave option one cause am not a :dolphin::dolphin::dolphin::dolphin:

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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