I moved out last year into my mum's other house (I pay for gas, council tax, electricity and any repairs that need doing to the house). For a while me and my mum have not been seeing eye to eye, we can't go ten minutes without a heated discussion or argument. I feel like recently my mums been hiding something from me, if she comes round she takes phone calls in another room and is constantly texting, even my Gran thinks something is going on. We have nothing in common with each other she doesn't have any interest in what I like and I have no interest in what she likes.
Last night we had a massive argument she told me I had no respect for her and treat her like dirt so I replied telling her I thought she was hiding something from me (She has recently been on a weekend away and told her I didn't believe she had gone with who she said she had). She stormed out the house telling me she doesn't have to tell me what she's doing as she's a fully grown adult. Later last night she provided me with a facebook post that showed who she went with.
I feel guilty for accusing her of lying I don't know what to do about the whole situation.The chances are now we won't speak for some time as we are both stubborn and neither of us want to admit we were wrong.
Mother / Daughter relationship after an argument
|Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say!||26-10-2016|
- Thread Starter
- 02-04-2016 16:18
- 04-04-2016 00:18
I will give my opinion, but I am a narcist and phlegmatist, who is not very good when the topic is about relationships.
I need some information:
1) your gender and age.
2) do you have any siblings?
3) mother age and marital status.
4) what about the father?
I am guessing you live in UK. (I need the country only)
(Original post by Anonymous)
I moved out last (reason? Were you living alone before?) year into my mum's other house (I pay for gas, council tax, electricity and any repairs that need doing to the house).
For a while (are you referring the weekend your mother went away or there were other times too?) me and my mum have not been seeing eye to eye,
we can't go ten minutes without a heated discussion (silly arguments or important? examples would be great) or argument.
I feel like recently (how long?) my mums been hiding something from me, if she comes round she takes phone calls in another room (work? She may need a quite room to talk) and is constantly texting (work? what is her work?),
even my Gran thinks something is going on (So, are you suggesting a partner? Is she a divorcee or a widow or in a long-distance relationship with your father or ...? Still, it is her life. Moreover, by law, unless you are below 18 and/or under her custody, she can do whatever she wants. Furthermore, the option some children take is to leave their family and start living on their own.).
We have nothing in common with each other she doesn't have any interest in what I like and I have no interest in what she likes. (Isn't this something you guys have in common? You may be both egocentric, which can be an involuntary (unconscious) behaviour. Moreover, you are both stubborn.)
Last night we had a massive argument (about? silly things or?)she told me I had no respect for her (what did you do for her to feel like that?) and treat her like dirt (where this come from? Do you not like your mother? why is she feeling so?)so I replied telling her I thought she was hiding something from me (so you did not deny you had no respect of her and treat her like dirt!? Hmm, how old are you? Many adults (18+) still have not realised that their parents had and currently have a life which is not around their children, in this case you, and it is sometimes hidden. This can be uncomfortable at the beginning, so they will avoid some topic, some people even do it subconsciously.)
(She has recently been on a weekend away and told her I didn't believe she had gone with who she said she had). (is she a woman who like to party? well at least she notified you about her absence and the place, right?)
She stormed out (was your tone rude to make her mad?) the house telling me she doesn't have to tell me what she's doing as she's a fully grown adult (This is not true, if it is about going out, you should tell your family, after all, you are her child. Moreover, because she is a full grown adult, she cannot be irresponsible, her safety and her behaviour is a concern for her family, unless she legally decided to tear apart her relationship with the family, then she can go to f*k off and in the legal agreement I would make a clause for her to be liable for any interference she does on the family, this things needs to be properly done).
Later last night she provided me with a facebook post that showed who she went with. (Well, so after she calmed down, she decided to make her child trust her or she wanted to, metaphorically, give a slap on your face. It depends on how she did it and her tone.)
I feel guilty (well, that is natural, you did not trust your mother's words) for accusing her of lying I don't know what to do about the whole situation.(in such cases, a sincere apology would be sufficient)
The chances are now we won't speak for some time as we are both stubborn and neither of us want to admit we were wrong. (One of the problem is I am not sure whether your mother know what she did wrong and whether she realised it. Similarly to a relationship of a couple, they need to talk and/or compromise with each other. otherwise, the relationship will not work. The situation is uncomfortable, but one of you needs to be brave)
In the end, to sum up:
1) It would be great if you could answer my questions and provide the information requested.
2) you need to apologise, if you did not do after she showed you the picture.
3) talk with your mother to improve the relationship (i.e. if you want to improve) and compromise with her, telling honestly your feeling and ask for her to tell her feeling properly.
P.s. there are many other options I have not listed, but I think this is your life and you should intelligently paint the way you want, with your own colours!
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- 3 badges
- 04-04-2016 00:57
So you are obviously upset because you're not getting on well with your mother.
So I expect she's upset because she's not getting on well with you.
Either you continue this stand off because as you say , you're both daft or you go and see her . As soon as you go through the door just go straight upto her and say , 'Sorry Mum and kiss her.' Problem sorted.
- 07-04-2016 13:47
Your mother does not need to inform you of where she is going or who she is doing things with :-/
- 07-04-2016 14:15
- 07-04-2016 16:10
- 15-04-2016 07:48
But your mum is still hiding something from you? Apologise to her for your behaviour and then ask why you are being excluded from family life? Why did she storm out like that if it was just an honest mistake on your part - she's your mother and she is always supposed to be understanding because good mothers aren't like supposed to just be hot and cold about that at any random point!