Is being "too nice" a bad thing?

I've always been told that I'm a nice guy by girls and I think it's the reason why I never had a girlfriend at 23 years old

But this is just my personality, I'm generally nice and caring towards people. I know I'm not ugly so could really being "too nice" put girls off?

If yes, then why?

Reply 1

carrotstar

21

Original post by Anonymous

I've always been told that I'm a nice guy by girls and I think it's the reason why I never had a girlfriend at 23 years old

But this is just my personality, I'm generally nice and caring towards people. I know I'm not ugly so could really being "too nice" put girls off?

If yes, then why?

Possibly, if it depicts you as a pushover or 'soft'. Personally I prefer the nice to the nasty, but some girls prefer the rough and tumble and fight-ready attitude. I think you just haven't met your match yet, that's all. Maybe they see you as a consoling and advice-giving friend rather than boyfriend material?
Tbh I really don't know. But what I do know is that some girls wear the trousers in a relationship, and it sounds like that's the kinda girl you need. Just don't let her take control of you!

in this world, yes.

Goes back to our ancestors and other animals. The females will choose someone who they believe can protect them and is the 'alpha' male. Someone who is 'nice/soft' is not the ideal mate as it's belived they will not survive, obviously this is not so relevant in this day and age but I believe our brains still contain an element of this selecton process.

Reply 4

DanteTheDoorKnob

5

Have you seen the world? My fluffy cat rips birds to pieces. This isn't a nice place, being weak gets you killed.

Reply 5

Maker

20

You can be kind and caring and assertive. If you like a girl, you have to let her know. Telling a girl you like her will not put her off. She might not like you back but she might. If you don't tell her, you never know which it is.

Reply 6

DanteTheDoorKnob

5

Original post by carrotstar

Possibly, if it depicts you as a pushover or 'soft'. Personally I prefer the nice to the nasty, but some girls prefer the rough and tumble and fight-ready attitude. I think you just haven't met your match yet, that's all. Maybe they see you as a consoling and advice-giving friend rather than boyfriend material?
Tbh I really don't know. But what I do know is that some girls wear the trousers in a relationship, and it sounds like that's the kinda girl you need. Just don't let her take control of you!

The irony is the rough type are more likely to get you killed by starting stupid fights, imo only stupid women would seriously date someone rough, a fling is fine but seeking a future with someone like that is the definition of stupid.

Reply 7

John55

14

Most people are relatively nice, if that's all you have going for you then your going to die a virgin, you have to be an ar$ehole to some degree, not in a nasty way but just to be challenging or interesting...

Spoiler

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

username1726117

14

I hate the term "nice guy", because it means two different things.

You have a nice guy who's kind, sensitive, mature, sensible etc, or to sum it up a man who has good character traits.
Then you have a nice guy who may be a mixture of the aforementioned or perhaps possess all those traits, but they are also a doormat and/or too selfless. Sometimes other behaviors include believing being nice to girls is the best way to get them into bed (IE. Not genuinely nice) and being nice outwardly whilst being a jerk mentally.

I'd like to think I fall into the former category, as I don't let anyone stand in my way. That said, I try to avoid conflict so perhaps that could be interpreted as weak. Regardless, I don't have much luck with the ladies either, though I have had partners.

It might be worth finding out why they think you're nice. Sometimes it can be a death sentence, other times it's a compliment. It's true that women will often go for the more confident guys, who sometimes turn out to be utter ********s, but ideally finding a balance is what you want to go for.

Reply 9

insert-username

14

If by "nice guy" you mean guys who are too giving and will bend over backwards to make a others happy and do whatever a girl wants, then yes that is a very bad thing.

The moment you show compassion and generosity, people take you for granted. It's sad but its true and it's very infuriating. I used to just love making other people happy, always very generous and forthcoming, always going out of my way to help out someone else. Until I started to notice the way people treated me, like I was a carpet to be walked all over. I would do nice things for people and eventually they would't even bother asking me to help with it or ask "can you please help me do this..." instead i'd have people asking me if i "wanted" to do them a favour "oh hi do you want to do this chore for me?" as though doing them a favour was some sort of gift to me. That was the last straw and i'v stopped wasting my time being anyone's ragdol.

People can go **** themselves for all I care. I only value those who show me the same level of respect and courtesy that I give them

Reply 10

ODES_PDES

18

Too nice and people will take the mick (eventually)
Be in the middle

Reply 11

It's****ingWOODY

20

With a guy that's "too nice" a girl will instantly see you as a guy to go to to talk about and get your advise on stuff that she can't really ask the girls about because it's normally stuff about guys. Not quite the guy they're looking for a relationship with.

Reply 12

BristolFresher15

16

Talking from personal experience; definitely.

Reply 13

Darien91

6

Yes, and I still can't be a dick

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I've always been told that I'm a nice guy by girls and I think it's the reason why I never had a girlfriend at 23 years old

But this is just my personality, I'm generally nice and caring towards people. I know I'm not ugly so could really being "too nice" put girls off?

If yes, then why?

If you say its your personality than I wouldn't be discouraged by the fact people say your 'too nice'. I don't think you should have to change or fit to what people say because I think there will be a girl who sees you how you are (I know that sounds cheesy) but I think you could regret changing yourself to get a girlfriend, you could end up almost feeling guilty in a relationship because you would know your not being yourself. I think its good you're confident about your looks so if I was you I would be confident about that being nice is part of who you are.

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

Original post by WoodyMKC

With a guy that's "too nice" a girl will instantly see you as a guy to go to to talk about and get your advise on stuff that she can't really ask the girls about because it's normally stuff about guys. Not quite the guy they're looking for a relationship with.

So what would be your advice to someone who behaves like this?

Reply 16

Halzy1234

9

Original post by Anonymous

I've always been told that I'm a nice guy by girls and I think it's the reason why I never had a girlfriend at 23 years old

But this is just my personality, I'm generally nice and caring towards people. I know I'm not ugly so could really being "too nice" put girls off?

If yes, then why?

It's okay to be a sweet and caring person at times but you shouldn't be so nice to the point where someone can actually take advantage of your kindness. Being "too nice" doesn't really mean that you can't get girls or its putting any girl off. In fact a lot of girls would love to be with a guy who's nice and caring. You should be nice but sometimes you should also be a bit selfish. Like if someone asks you for something and you really want to refuse then just refuse, don't just accept it because you don't want to make someone feel bad. Sometimes you have to keep it balanced. As for girls, you'll find someone who's the perfect match for you. Everyone has a soulmate and you'll find yours soon too.

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Reply 17

~Tara~

16

It's only possible to be too nice if being "nice" means you're not assertive about your own needs and value.

Respectful guys do get girlfriends. They have confidence in themselves and good boundaries. They're not just nice to get the girl.

Usually when someone says another is too nice, they believe that person is not thinking enough of themselves. Maybe letting themselves be taken advantage of. Or that person doesn't believe they deserve your compassion.

There's other aspects to personality beyond nice vs douche. What do you have to offer someone else? Do you like yourself enough to be an emotionally healthy partner? Etc etc

Reply 18

user382

17

Original post by Halzy1234

It's okay to be a sweet and caring person at times but you shouldn't be so nice to the point where someone can actually take advantage of your kindness. Being "too nice" doesn't really mean that you can't get girls or its putting any girl off. In fact a lot of girls would love to be with a guy who's nice and caring. You should be nice but sometimes you should also be a bit selfish. Like if someone asks you for something and you really want to refuse then just refuse, don't just accept it because you don't want to make someone feel bad. Sometimes you have to keep it balanced. As for girls, you'll find someone who's the perfect match for you. Everyone has a soulmate and you'll find yours soon too.

Posted from TSR Mobile

That's cute. :h: