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My boyfriend broke up with me and now he's not talking to me

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Would YOU be put off a uni with a high crime rate? First 50 to have their say get a £5 Amazon voucher! 27-10-2016

    (Original post by tilray)
    I actually laughed at this response.

    Also, please tell me what was narcissistic about my response?

    So he's not in any wrong no? It's all her fault because of her reactions to things that HE did????? Are you actually f*cking deluded????

    She has reason to question why he is doing someone else's coursework. And his very mature response is not not speak to her for 2 days? Are you actually sitting there and saying that's justified?

    'control your reaction towards him...think about how he will take it' :| Why should she have to tread on egg shells around this **** so his feelings don't get hurt? What about the way she feels? He broke up with her, her response was more than reasonable.

    You must be a right ray of sunshine in a relationship.
    1) what was narcisitic? none of you borthered to look at it from his side. none of you bothered to see why he's reacting that way. you just took her reactions to his statements as law. if you havn't noticed, i'm pretty sure nobody would like to be treated in the manner with which she treated her ex. which is what i highlighted above. secondly, i didn't refer to you. but thank you for taking the insult on. if the shoe fits and all. finally, it really isn't egocentric to try to consider both sides of the story. nobody was doing it for the guy, but everyone is so eager to jump at his throat. yes, he ignored her; but who wouldn't after such a claim as: 'what you gon do, hit me'? that right there is cause to walk away. she's trying to manipulate the dude and the relationship into an emotionally abusive one. i don't give a **** if it's out of anger. you don't act that way to anyone. ex or not. and if this is how she is towards her ex; i'm kind of surprised he was with her for that long. if you don't think so; then this discussion is over. you obviously don't think females are ever at wrong for any actions done.

    2) good. now you're talking rationally. for this point at least. i never stated that he wasn't in any wrong. i just didn't say anything towards his conduct; purely because everyone here is already berating the dude for simply existing. i simply stated that she isn't the ****ing angel you guys have portrayed her to be. the relationship broke up. okay. at the same time though, nobody is guilt-less. there is several to go around. but with the other comments on this thread painting him to be a ****ing super-villain and with nobody pointing out where she went wrong; can you see why i'm referring to you guys as narcisstic (hint: all the people you consoled with after your breakups and all the ones you've seen on tv; would always make the guy out to be a villain. no matter his actions)? if you note; all the things he did, nothing there warranted a reaction similar to the kind she gave the dude. e.g.: would you go up to a random armed burglar and ask him provocatively: 'what are you going to do, hit me'? no? would you do that to Any stranger? what makes her actions in this instance justified? no. i'm not deluded. i'm ust thinking with a straight, no-feelings obscured, mind. something nobody else on this thread seems to possess (before i commented).

    3) if you noticed; from her questions she didn't pose it as a means of questioning why. she demanded that he come see her. these were her words: 'why can't you see me'? it wasn't a 'okay; when will you be available'? or a 'ohh. what happened with the coursework; is it difficult? will you be okay'? nothing to show concern. all that was there was a: 'why can't you see me'? that's it. she. didn't. ask. why. he's. doing. the. coursework.

    4) lemme rephrase that. why should he have to control his words around her so she doesn't get pissed and try to provocate him after he's broken up with her? in one sentence you're saying it's right for her to react like that because he just broke up with her; but in another you're saying it's wrong for him to have any sort of feelings towards her actions (i.e. you're saying its wrong for him to want to break up with her for any reason he deems satisfactory. relationships aren't a cakewalk to marriage. most don't end up happy ever after. most end. therefore it's illogical for him to stay where he isn't happy because he knows that she'd react in an angry manner after they've broken up. hence why i said she controls her feelings/anger). can you see the hypocrisy? surely if it's alright for her to dictate her feelings/react in a less savoury way; then surely it's alright for him as well? or men don't have feelings in relationships?

    5) No matter the years spent, you can't expect someone to decide to not be with you anymore lool. you can't expect someone to stay with you because of the fear of anger of violence when you break up with them. that's a prison-style type of deal. this isn't a movie. **** happens. it is wrong to expect that they stay with you for life and it is wrong to deny anyone the decision to leave a relationship if they aren't happy in it. i'm talking to OP in this point/number btw (OP said: 'we've been together for 4 years. but it's silly to throw it away'. but the post applies anywhere.

    finally. you're telling me that her response is justified? okay. cool. you break up with your ex. and in anger you threaten/provoke him to hit you; is that cool? what about if he does hit you? is it cool then? who's at fault? who provoked who? is it justified to see him go to jail for assault, when the judge knows that you set him off? men and women aren't level-headed. everyone has a boiling point/limit. you can't be poking a bear then get pissed when he reacts. he kept his cool but decided not to talk to her and avoid a jail sentence. show me where he's wrong. **** her feelings/anger. that isn't how a level-headed human being should react.

    you're forgetting something, as the old lady said a couple of posts below; she isn't a ****ing relationship anymore. i'm just stating why she isn't. simples. regardless, her stating: 'what you gonna do, hit me'? isn't exactly a nice thing to say to a dude who you want to be with in any old case. you can't sit there and tell me that all her actions in the relationship isn't exactly cause/anger inducing. ffs

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I reacted cuz he had just broke up with me, I could have said a lot worse. I was hurt because he did this out of the blue. If he wanted to be with me he wouldn't broken up, I'm just wondering if he will regret it.
    true he did. but at the same time, heavens be damned if you can't control your feelings woman. you provoked the dude; several times during the entire relationship, even towards the end; and now you're wondering Why he isn't all lovey-dovey?

    you reacted. well done. look where that got you. happy? 'could've said a lot worse'? and what, expect him to get back with you? do you understand what you're saying?

    i don't give a **** if you were hurt. you should not have reacted like that. period. at least for the sake of allowing him to get his things back and to keep things between the two of you civil.

    have you ever considered how he was feeling? why he didn't want to be with you anymore? look at my recent reply to the other girl. secondly, he did want to be with you. for the last 4 years. now he doesn't anymore. deal with it. people change their minds. just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean it goes to marriage. i mean, consider this, if you broke up with him; wouldn't it be a bit pathetic to see him making a thread like this about you? where's your cool? where's your '**** happens. life goes on' attitude? come on man.

    why the hell will he regret it? have you seen the way you reacted towards him? twist the genders round. lets see what we have:
    1) you're doing coursework; he calls you up; not asking why you're doing the coursework or how it's going or how you feel about it; or anything similar; but only demands why you aren't going to see him. is that considerate?
    2) 'you went out'? you didn't ask the dude how his night went. or if he had fun. you quered him like as if he was a two year old kid who was meant to be grounded at home. gender twist: you go out. then he texts you surprised at the fact that you went out. almost hinting that you don't have the ability to do so; because freedom of movement. see the issue?
    3) you didn't apologise for either of the two issues above. these things build up despite sexy-time. gender twist: he doesn't apologise for his actions. would you be pissed or nah?
    4) you decide to break up with him. then he gets pissed and begins to throw a tantrum. at this point you think he's a man-child who can't control his feelings. does that look good? i mean. he gets up and goes: okay you've done this before. implying that you've ****ed up before somewhere in the relationship (lets not forget he hasn't apologised for his actions above) and havn't said anything. then he asks if there was anyother guy involved. implying you havn't been faithful. in a relationship you've tried time and again to be. then he goes, 'yeah. you've changed. you think you're all that'. justified yet? then finally, in your anger and seething rage as you retort with 'get out'; he finishes with: 'what you gon do, hit me'?

    how is any of the above justified conducts of behaviour?

    It very rough when an important relationship breaks up. But it seems it's run its course, he's an arse and this is pretty common post breakup bad treatment in fact. I would throw yourself in to friends, music, wine and new persuits and ultimately new, and better, love.

    To be honest if I'd have broken up with someone, I wouldn't want to talk to them, part of the purpose of ending the relationship whatever his reasoning is. Sorry but it's the hard truth and you have to face that you will just have to move on.

    That's what happens.
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