Look, guys! Loads of words! This blog thing is called Rated 18 because this isn't gonna be a coherent anything. It'll be ramblings, it'll be rants, it'll be offensive, it'll be perverted if you think asking for commiseration about bad experiences with sex and boobs and porn is perverted. There might be drunk text as well (I'm lying, drunk texting is my excuse for spelling mistakes). There won't be fancy colours or fonts or alignment or hyperlinks or greetings or updates. There might not even be punctuation marks. Maybs not even emojis.
Most importantly this blog will be boring as hell.
(I'm also not sure if I used the word "discrepancy" correctly here. I just like the way it sounds.) What I really mean is, I'm a huge paradox. I don't fight anyone more than I fight myself. In fact I'm fighting myself right now on whether I should make a blog. I only too often put my heart on my sleeve and my foot in my mouth in real life so I never feel the need to anonymously explain myself to strangers. But hey ho I've got time on my hands.
Most of this is gonna be me embarrassing myself with revelations of my horrible character that you will probably witness in record time, so this blog might not even last long.
Anyway let's get right into it
First off I just wanna say every time should I make a post, it will be when I'm in the worst of moods. So much so that I'll be blogging which is abnormal for me to do so. That's just the warning.
Ok so here's boring fun facts about me before I check out of here:
I think I'm the only recluse who leaves the house.
I don't bathe right after sex, I like to linger in the swamp of phermones and triumph.
I'm a horrible friend.
I'm an even worse student.
I'm the worst thing that can happen to a parent.
I'm the middle child of all the siblings who I'm aware of.
I still watch Spongebob and I'm in my 20s
But I've watched porn since I was 7 (I'm backwards like).
I hate everybody and love myself (lonely?)
My pet peeves go on for days ok.
Like chewing gum it really repulses me
Or bad hygiene.
I think I might be racist but I don't know.
I quit life as a human. Elephants have way more fun. So I'm just in time for the Jungle Book film coming out. (There are elephants, right?)
I've never seen a second of Game of Thrones, Hunger Games, Mad Men (surprised? Because of my impeccable taste in suits? Yea yea I know) or Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Friends, Saturday Night Live, anything with Ru Paul in it-do you catch my drift?
I still cry when I watch Harry Potter though
Horror films and porn make me laugh
I have no idea what ISIS is like I'm done pretending I know
I gave up on punctuation marks 3 bullets ago
I just discovered the science of foot fetishes! Apparently the area in the brain recognising feet, and the area involving sexual stimuli, are directly adjacent? So some people's sex chemicals might be in the foot area. Basically.
Oh yea I'm procrastinating right now so. And I put punctuation marks back in.
Ok I'm getting bored with myself now, bye.
Oh one more thing. I want there to be war so the world can start over again. I think that's where my subconscious desire to **** things up and to **** people over consciously come into play. Ta!
And I won't be offended if no one reads this. In fact, I'll be relieved.
R18: The Discrepancies of a Bachelor
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