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Why do people hate their exes?

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TSR's new app is coming! Sign up here to try it first >> 17-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    A bit of a long story, but I'll make it as brief as I can! Basically I au-paired during my gap year abroad and was in relationship with a guy I met there. I made it clear that the reason I was unsure about entering an official relationship with him was because I was worried we'd break up when I left and, as he was my first boyfriend, the idea of him entirely blocking me out of his life scared me. I assured him that I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to do such long distance, but I couldn't stand the thought of the first guy I'd properly dated and had such good times with to just shut me out. He said he'd never do that, and even if we broke up, we'd stay good friends. We almost broke up several times and agreed one time that if either of us was really unhappy with the long distance for a reason we couldn't solve - money to see each other, no time to talk etc - we would tell the other one. I went to visit him for a week and on the last day, he almost broke up with me for this, and I didn't blame him, although I was upset by it. He ultimately said he wanted to make it work, but I sat through quite a while of uncertainty and being told it wouldn't work before he decided he wanted it to. 2 months later he came to visit me and I, unexpectedly, broke down crying and realised how miserable I was in the relationship. I told him I was so incredibly sorry but I didn't feel it could work because I'd just worked out how I needed to distribute my money- being a student in London isn't cheap- and realised I just could not do it and did not have the time to skype him all the time and keep the connection going. I cried my eyes out, as did he, and initially he agreed with me and said we'd stay friends as we promised and he didn't hate me at all and could understand it. I left him alone, as he wanted, for a few hours- I went on a walk - and when I came back he'd completely changed. He just wanted, understandably, to go home and I rebooked him transport home. He never talked to me again. I feel terrible that he came all the way to London to see me and I did that, but I don't understand how its been over 6 months and, even though he's in a new relationship, he can still hate me so much. He was close to doing the same thing to me when I went to visit and I'd never have thought to hate him for it! I've started seeing someone who I'm much happier and more compatible with and I'm glad my ex has found someone too, but I just don't get it. I messaged him a couple of times apologizing profusely for the way it happened and hoping we could at some point, whenever he wanted, become friends of some sort, as we promised, in that I wanted him to know I never wanted to hurt him and I would always be open to help him with any issues he has etc. and hope he's doing well. He ignored both of them and I noticed recently that he blocked me on everything. He didn't even seem opposed to the break up at the time - it felt more mutual than me breaking his heart- but his response has left me feeling incredibly guilty at times even now. I know he's made me out to be the bad guy, and how he would never want anything to do with me, but I'm really in the dark about what caused this hatred. I would have thought that after 6 months, he'd have moved on enough to message me? But again, it was my first real relationship, and I'm aware I may have made some large mistakes or may have simply been very naive of what I've done...I just want to understand it a bit more!

    i dont get it either tbh

    but i guess it can never really end on good terms... bc it ended

    I don't

    I don't hate me ex.

    Hate is a strong word.

    It will take a lot for me to hate someone.
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