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    • Thread Starter

    Hey!! I'm doing AS Level English 9093, the paper 1 is in about 2 weeks! So could you please help me with any tips on how to write a commentary? Any trick you've learnt or anything you feel would be useful. Also, if you could send me a few good candidate responses, it would be quite helpful!

    I assume you are referring to the commentary on the re creative writing piece you have to do in the exam (as that is what we're doing in my course too) and my advice to you would be to almost plan out your commentary before you've even written the piece; if you know you can easily explain the effects of onomatopoeia, for example, then make sure you include it in your wirting, as it wil make your commentary a hell of a lot easier to write!
    I'm not sure if this will be of much help to you, but my teacher told us that once we've written our re creative writing piece, to then pretend it's not our own and that it is simply a sample text that has been given to you to annotate, as you then might find it easier to explain the effects it holds.
    I wish you the best of luck for your exam, and I'll go see if I can find any candidate responses that will be of use to you!

    This is the only student response I was able to find, and I'm afraid the examiner report that followed showed some areas of improvement, but I'd say this is a good bases to go off of. The main points in the examiner report was that the effects needed to be further explored and developed, and the effects of genre and mode affected the choice of language in the piece, but I hope this with be of at least a little bit of help:

    "My focus for this piece was to accentuate the idyllic feel of the café’s location in the centre of the city. To do this, I employed a tricolon of abstract nouns “culture, beauty and of course, romance” which, although perhaps clichéd, worked well to epitomise Paris and enchant the reader to come to Café Danton where these three things were so readily available to witness.

    The alliteration of “l” allows a more languid, romantic image of the café’s location: “laudable labyrinth”. The stimulus portrayed the walking in Paris negatively so in order to make it positive I chose to turn the long walks into an appreciation of Paris’ intricacy.

    In order to appeal more to the reader, I chose to write in the second person and direct my writing specifically to my audience. This hopefully creates a sense of empathy “your undoubtedly aching feet…you won’t be alone either” which would cause the reader to feel that we understood them and could supply them with exactly what they needed; therefore gaining customers for the Café.

    Finally, listing the range of people in Paris - and found in our café - was a technique used to intrigue the audience, but also to build a sense of community. Whether the reader was a student there “to admire the art in the Louvre” or a mother with her family wanting to “climb the Eiffel Tower”, I tried to incorporate anyone who might be reading the advertisement and, as such, would hopefully make them feel a part of Paris."
    (From the AQA exam board)
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