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He doesn't want me to go to uni.

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Why bother with a post grad course - waste of time? 17-10-2016

    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    Honesty? Haven't told anyone this but why not. Someone cheated on me when we went to uni, drunken mistake (apparently). I could have told my flatmates, my friends, everyone, could have bloody ruined her if I wanted to, but I didn't, no, I told her to get lost, broke up with her and I ignored her, but I never told anyone, it would have been way easier to do so. Hell I even looked like the bad guy for dumping little Mrs innocent. Did I tell? No I shut my mouth because I still wanted her to be happy, I didn't want to ruin it for her. Oh well, that's what happens.
    Fair play that was a decent thing of you to do!

    I wouldn't turn down a place at uni anywhere for a boyfriend. My partner and I had a similar dilemma when I applied to transfer to a traditional uni. Similar in that it meant a complete change of dynamics in the relationship. I wouldn't be able to financially contribute as much.

    But then we've always had a relationship where we value independence. Since we have been together I have been to the US twice for a retreat without him. He has financially supported me through getting my certificate and foundation degree in counselling. He put up with basically not seeing me because of the study load I had doing a bsc alongside this. We both sacrifice things for the long term including not getting married yet or starting a family. But it's coming to fruitation soon and it's so worth it. He shares how proud he is of me and encourages me when I'd rather clean the oven than do another essay. If he ever decided to change career, I'd be right there supporting him.

    Oxford is a once in a lifetime thing. It may not be the best experience of your life but it set you up in ways many of us only dream of. Yes, it's tough when you are in love and it feels like this might threaten the relationship but this is one of those things where you should do it. You can still acknowledge the worry of his and maybe yours but don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty for choosing what is best for you and your future. So many people told me I couldn't do this or that because other men wouldn't support me. But you know what...I'm not going out with them. He had a choice obviously, he could have left but he didn't and he's never once complained about the sacrifices he made so that I could make something of myself too.

    Go to Oxford. You've got an incredible opportunity here, and you should grab it with both hands. If your relationship with your boyfriend is meant to work out, it will do regardless of whether you go or not. If it does, you'll have plenty of time together after the 3/4 years you spend studying. Sometimes you have to be a bit selfish about these things when you're young, there'll be plenty of time for settling down later.
    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by CatherineE-S)
    I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.

    I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.

    Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
    Thank you so so much to everyone who has taken the time to respond!! Not going to Oxford was never really an option, and I appreciate all the insights and advice! I will be going to uni next year, and I do realise that if we can't make it work, then it was never right in the first place. Thank you again, the detail in so many of the replies has been invaluable !
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