I was all set to go this morning. Just to type up my references, tie up any loose ends and add the odd bit here and there.
Hey by 10 I was dancing around my kitchen as I was so happy that it was nearly out of my hands.
I think the sudden release of stress just caused me to loose the plot.
I cannot explain what happened next. As I'm reading through I decided to edit a chunk and the next couple of hours I spent trying to put make the mess I had created.
2 o'clock putting the citations in, but a couple of references were missing.
2:30 I'm asking myself why i'm not leaving.
3pm, not totally to the standard I wanted as there's a couple of references missing and the conclusion isn't brilliant.
Upload to turnitin. And this is where I just lose it.
I'm just crying as it's not perfect
I pick up my memory stick and think to myself that I should take my laptop incase something goes wrong.
I decided that I didn't want anything to do with my dissertation anymore, I just can't stop crying.
Walk to get my dissertation printed/bounded. It's a pages file so they can't do it. By this point I could just go into the library, print it and stick the dreaded tags around it. And hand it in.
I'm usually cool headed under pressure/stress but this is because of a couple of missing references. They're not even that important. I just walk home as i'm under the belief that it's probably best to take 40% as I wouldn't of got much more if I had turned it in.
So i've reread it. I'm pretty impressed with myself. Okay I needed to add some more references and I should of inserted some citations but overall it's good.
I'm just can't get over myself. I'm used to working up to the deadline, and i've handed in some really shockingly pieces of work but I feel like this is the best produced work i've done in the three years. Yeah, I would of had few marks deducted, but guaranteed way above 40% I just can't believe myself. I'm not usually a quitter but I feel like i've spent months doing this dissertation and having a dance earlier was the first time i've felt freedom. I've lost over a stone this month, i've spent everyday this week being physically sick as I was worried about making it. I'm just so annoyed with myself. I know it's my own fault. and I shouldn't of left it so late but I don't understand why I didn't just hand in what I had.
Today I had a melt down and decided to not hand in my dissertation.
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