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Girlfriend issues

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    I've been with my girlfriend for five years now. We met at uni but then we moved back in with our parents... Her in Edinburgh and me in London.

    The relationship was just so great for the first three years. We were just content travelling back and forth seeing each other but three years after graduating things have turned a little sour.

    She very rarely comes to see me and I travel up there almost every fortnight and have to bear these massive expenses. She says she can't travel to London as she doesn't want to disappoint her mum by not being around her and she hates train journeys and because it's too expensive. This is despite the fact that I have less disposable income than her (I earn more but she lives at home whereas I have to rent).

    She has also admitted to me recently that she just doesn't have a sex drive and that she dreads sex and has respectfully asked that we don't do it any more.

    Other horrible things include: (1) never talking properly on the phone when I ring in the evenings despite frequent contact being an integral part of an LDR; she either just doesn't answer when I know she's on her phone all the time or just answers and says she's watching TV...; (2) sniffing at my discontent in my job rather than supporting me to find something else; (3) having a very right wing family that is arguably racist, homophobic and ultra-conservative with views that run off on her despite her being well educated; (4) refusing to even discuss moving anywhere else besides her hometown; (5) her hating the idea of travelling and preferring "beach holidays".

    Having said that, this is my first ever real relationship, and she is essentially my best friend. I know every long term relationship has difficulties and perhaps the things I've described above are completely normal.

    I just want some advice from some impartial bystanders. None my friends can possibly comment on this as thry don't want to take ownership for any of my potential regrets if they advise me in either direction.

    I think part of the reason why I'm with her is because I don't really have much of a life where I live. My life isn't great et the moment but at least I'm keeping myself busy travelling up and down all the time. I don't just want to fester in my room like most of the people my age.


    Mate, it'll be alright. Honestly, it doesn't sound like your relationship will have much of a future. And that's fine. Because you're still young and you've got all the time in the world ahead of you. Take a year out, go travelling. Then get that job that you've been thinking about applying for.

    If you carry on like you are then it looks like its fizzling out. people change and youve listed a lot of signs she isnt willing to make the effort anymore. Decide if you cant move together. You obviously are close enough to talk, so talk and see if you cna make any changes. ive it another 6 months and then decide if its wrth it with no end game.

    Sounds like it's run its course and to be honest there's not much in the relationship for you. Knock it on the head, get out sharking in the big city, perhaps retain her as a friend..

    From what you've said it does sound like the relationship has run it's course. If I'm perfectly honest i dont understand why you have been in an LDR for 3 years, it's not like you live in different parts of the world, by now surely you should have been able to work it out so that you live in the same place...
    Sounds like she isn't willing to put the effort in any more and since you dont have an end point to the LDR that was always going to happen as they are hard work. She says she's not willing to move away from Edinburgh and you're not willing to move there... It's not going to work. You both need to be willing to compromise and make sacrifices and it doesnt sound like you both are.
    It being your first relationship is probably why you've stayed in it so long, but you will find someone more suited for you eventually, who lives in the same place!

    LDRs usually need to have an end point to make them work, and it sounds like she isn't really committed anymore... she might be finding the LDR hard but in that case she needs to be talking to you and trying to work out how to cope with it and how to get the two of you in the same place at some point soon

    The honeymoon phase has worn off and you've realised you're (clearly) not right for each other. Admitting this to yourself (as you have done here) is the first step. You will be OK.
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