I just need some advice on what to do. A year ago in December, I fell for my best friend. She was already out but I wasnt. I knew she liked me but I was scared - I knew I liked girls but it is a daunting thing to tell everyone in your life. We started dating and we fell so deeply in love with each other. I know it sounds cheesy but I'd never felt happiness like this before. No one knew me like she did. It was the best year and a half of my life.
8 months on and she's moving to uni. I am going to uni this year after deciding to work for a year. But we both love each other enough to try and make it work. And it does. We see each other at least once a month and are still head over heels in love. The only blips we ever have come from my fear of holding her back at uni, but I learn to get over them as she understands. I never get jealous because I trust her and I know she trusts me.
Update: Fast forward to February. She has settled into uni with a new group of close friends. We see each other and it just doesn't feel right. We both get scared that we are no longer in love with each other. Although by the end of the trip, we both agree that we most definitely are.
We went on holiday together for the first time at the end of last month. It was fantastic and it was... well perfect. But earlier this month, she messages me and tells me she is unsure of her feelings and tells me it's not fair for us to be in a relationship any more. I am absolutely devastated. Not only is she my girlfriend (my first love), but she is my best friend. I want to remain friends with her but there is no way I can get over my feelings for her.
She came home a couple days ago. I went to see her to see if we could sort things out. I still love her and thought maybe she might still feel the same. I try to explain to her how I feel and she still says she loves me but it's not fair. She then tells me she slept with someone. She slept with him three times. And I knew the guy she slept with. Not when we were together but she knew how much it would hurt me. I know she doesn't have feelings for him but it still hurts.
This has pushed me over the edge. I want to hate her but I can't. I have no one in my life like her. She understands me. I dont really have any friends I can talk to any more. I am completely alone. She still doesnt want me back because she knows she hurt me and she is scared she'll do it again.
I'm supposed to be leaving to go backpacking for a month on tuesday but i'm so emotionally fragile right now i'm scared i'll just be crying the whole time. Im terrified of doing this alone.
I don't know how to cope without her. And it's not going to be healthy for me to still be her friend. Please help I honestly don't know what to do.
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