Do I have a right to be mad at him? Guys and Girls views needed!

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

We have each other on Twitter, and I just recently noticed that he's followed two girls, one's a cam girl who obviously posts explicit photos of herself and the other is a normal girl who just stripped off for more followers/retweets etc. This made me really upset, so I kind of just lost it on him. I had a massive go at him, but I didn't tell him why I was mad, he hasn't even asked. I guess my question is, who's in the wrong? I really like this guy but he has hurt me so much in the past.

Thanks for the advice in advance

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Anyone?!

Reply 2

brainhuman

2

Original post by Anonymous

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

We have each other on Twitter, and I just recently noticed that he's followed two girls, one's a cam girl who obviously posts explicit photos of herself and the other is a normal girl who just stripped off for more followers/retweets etc. This made me really upset, so I kind of just lost it on him. I had a massive go at him, but I didn't tell him why I was mad, he hasn't even asked. I guess my question is, who's in the wrong? I really like this guy but he has hurt me so much in the past.

Thanks for the advice in advance

He sounds like a cheater. You know this. Leave him.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by brainhuman

He sounds like a cheater. You know this. Leave him.

Everyone tells me that. But it's just the way he makes me feel when I'm with him. Should I tell him why I'm mad, do I even have a right to be mad considering we're not together?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Anyone else?!

Reply 5

Sunshine2305

10

Original post by Anonymous

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

We have each other on Twitter, and I just recently noticed that he's followed two girls, one's a cam girl who obviously posts explicit photos of herself and the other is a normal girl who just stripped off for more followers/retweets etc. This made me really upset, so I kind of just lost it on him. I had a massive go at him, but I didn't tell him why I was mad, he hasn't even asked. I guess my question is, who's in the wrong? I really like this guy but he has hurt me so much in the past.

Thanks for the advice in advance

I would be angry if I were you too. And I understand how he makes you feel but is it really worth it? Is it worth staying with him and being loyal to him when he's not going to be loyal to you and will treat you badly? As long as you are attached/ in a sort of relationship with him you will always be worrying and wondering and it will be hard for you to be really happy. I think that he sounds like bad news and you can do better. Good luck with whatever you choose to do x

Reply 6

brainhuman

2

Original post by Anonymous

Everyone tells me that. But it's just the way he makes me feel when I'm with him. Should I tell him why I'm mad, do I even have a right to be mad considering we're not together?

Sorry but you sound like a battered woman, going back to the guy abusing her over and over again.

Stay with him and face the consequences, or man up, so to speak, for once and get rid off him.

That is your choice, but you have to make it for yourself. Can't have TSR make it for you.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sunshine2305

I would be angry if I were you too. And I understand how he makes you feel but is it really worth it? Is it worth staying with him and being loyal to him when he's not going to be loyal to you and will treat you badly? As long as you are attached/ in a sort of relationship with him you will always be worrying and wondering and it will be hard for you to be really happy. I think that he sounds like bad news and you can do better. Good luck with whatever you choose to do x

Thank you for your advice. I'm trying to get over him but it's proving to be impossible. Do you think I should atleast tell him why I'm mad?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by brainhuman

Sorry but you sound like a battered woman, going back to the guy abusing her over and over again.

Stay with him and face the consequences, or man up, so to speak, for once and get rid off him.

That is your choice, but you have to make it for yourself. Can't have TSR make it for you.

I guess you're right. I'm going to try and just get rid of him...wish me luck and thanks for your advice

Reply 9

Sunshine2305

10

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you for your advice. I'm trying to get over him but it's proving to be impossible. Do you think I should atleast tell him why I'm mad?

I know the feeling of trying to get over someone and finding it impossible so I understand what you are going through.

Yes, if it will give you closure and will make you feel better then you should. But you should also mention to him the reasons you said above- him sleeping with other people when he said he wouldn't and also the things in the past that he has done to hurt you. I know that its hard but you need to try and accept that he is no good and you deserve better. Your relationship with him sounds complicated and if you get back with him it seems like it always will be and there is a high chance that he will hurt you again.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

We have each other on Twitter, and I just recently noticed that he's followed two girls, one's a cam girl who obviously posts explicit photos of herself and the other is a normal girl who just stripped off for more followers/retweets etc. This made me really upset, so I kind of just lost it on him. I had a massive go at him, but I didn't tell him why I was mad, he hasn't even asked. I guess my question is, who's in the wrong? I really like this guy but he has hurt me so much in the past.

Thanks for the advice in advance

Original post by Anonymous

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

We have each other on Twitter, and I just recently noticed that he's followed two girls, one's a cam girl who obviously posts explicit photos of herself and the other is a normal girl who just stripped off for more followers/retweets etc. This made me really upset, so I kind of just lost it on him. I had a massive go at him, but I didn't tell him why I was mad, he hasn't even asked. I guess my question is, who's in the wrong? I really like this guy but he has hurt me so much in the past.

Thanks for the advice in advance

UPDATE; I confronted him about it, and he said (in summary) 'it's just following people'

Reply 11

999tigger

19

You might like him but it will end in disappointment. just find someone else. Why would you go nack to someone who has treated you like crap (in your words).

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 12

Tilikum

Original post by Anonymous

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

It sounds to me like you're his sure thing that he picks up and uses when he can't get anyone else or is going through a dry patch. He has absolutely no respect for you, doesn't care about your feelings, and will use and abuse you for as long as you let him. He won't change because he doesn't love or respect you, and while you can try 'talking' to him about it if you want, it won't change anything because the power balance is firmly in his favour and he knows this. You know this!

You need to have some self respect and walk away, because when you let a guy treat you as if you're worthless, you start to believe yourself that you are worthless. And he will drop you the minute someone 'better' comes along.

You are completely within your rights to be angry at him if he's openly looking at porn on Twitter, and doesn't even bother to try and hide it from you. It isn't 'following people', it's looking at porn in front of you and other people on your joint social network and shows that he has no regard for your feelings. It's humiliating you in a semi-public arena! All men look at porn - I'm pretty sure my boyfriend does (and I couldn't care less if he does) - but he would never let me catch him doing it because that would be massively disrespectful to me and my feelings. If this guy treated you badly last time, and you can't even stand up for yourself when he's disrespecting you like this without him pretending he doesn't understand he's out of line, then actually what's the point of being with this guy? He's going to hurt you again and you will feel even worse this time becuase you knew exactly what kind of guy he was when you let him back into your life.

I know you probably really enjoy the time you spend with him, and he probably knows all the right things to say that make you feel special, and it will sound like he means it this time when he says he won't lie to you. You want to believe he will change. That's what all women (and men) who're with partners who treat them badly think. And they're always wrong, because these people do not change - because there's always someone they can charm and manipulate into putting up with their ******** while they slowly grind down that person's self esteem.

You can do much better than this guy! There are lots of nice guys out there that treat women with respect and are fun to be around, you need to go and start meeting them! :smile:

I know it's hard to walk away from someone when you have feelings for them, but please do it soon and don't waste years of your life waiting for a guy to start treating you with respect (like I mistakenly once did!) - if the respect is not there from the beginning it will never be there.

Reply 13

greenjellybean

14

Yep you have a right to be angry, I would be too.

My advice is to walk away before you're even more invested (feelings wise) than you are now because it'll be harder to leave. He sounds like he has no respect for you and probably loves the thought that he's got you to fall back on when everyone/ everything else fails. You are probably hoping that he'll change/ he'll see sense but actually, from the sounds of it, he won't. Better to be single than to live in constant worry that he's probably seeing someone else when you're not together imo.

Good luck!

Reply 14

lilacwanda28

13

I might be the only one to say this, but I don't think he's done anything wrong
he slept around whilst you weren't together so no harm done
loads of people (girls and guys) watch porn and look at explicit photos doesn't mean they're going to cheat or that they haven't changed
I think you overreacted.

Reply 15

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

UPDATE; I confronted him about it, and he said (in summary) 'it's just following people'

Why waste your time with someone who is clearly making you feel miserable.

Reply 16

username459260

16

Original post by Anonymous

Okay so me and this guy have a really complicated relationship. We recently started to speak again after 5 months of not doing so. He apologised as the reason we stopped talking was because he treated me like ****. At the time we said that we were exclusive but not together which to me is one in the same but apparently to him it's not. Anyway, now that we're talking again he's told me that he's really sorry and would really like to see me, and because I miss him I'd love to see him again too. I recently moved for work about 3 hours away from him so I booked a weekend off work just to see him. During the period where we didn't talked, he ****ed 2 people and I haven't ****ed any because I wasn't over him. He's promised me that he won't sleep with anyone anymore.

We have each other on Twitter, and I just recently noticed that he's followed two girls, one's a cam girl who obviously posts explicit photos of herself and the other is a normal girl who just stripped off for more followers/retweets etc. This made me really upset, so I kind of just lost it on him. I had a massive go at him, but I didn't tell him why I was mad, he hasn't even asked. I guess my question is, who's in the wrong? I really like this guy but he has hurt me so much in the past.

Thanks for the advice in advance

No one's in the wrong. it sounds like you need to tell him how you feel. Maybe he doesn't feel the same and it would be good for you to know where he stands. If he does like you, maybe he'll give up the other girls and focus on you

good luck

Reply 17

Findlay6

19

This is so petty, but okay.

1) You weren't together or talking for 5 months - do you expect him to practice abstinence? No.
2) You now live 3h away. Take it as a massive sign to leave him alone.
3) It's Twitter, who cares? He's allowed to follow people on Twitter without sleeping with them or talking to them.
4) Why are you stalking who he follows? It's Twitter, who cares?
5) You can't communicate basic feelings. It's never going to work in any relationship until you learn this basic skill. Men (or women) are not mindreaders.
6) He hasn't asked why you're annoyed, aka, he doesn't care.
7) He's hurt you in the past, but you're going back to him - why? Love yourself, you deserve better.

omg @ everyone bashing him for watching porn and indulging in a NATURAL process of sexual health. Some people just need a little help...

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 18

urbanlocations

19

Original post by Findlay6

This is so petty, but okay.

1) You weren't together or talking for 5 months - do you expect him to practice abstinence? No.
2) You now live 3h away. Take it as a massive sign to leave him alone.
3) It's Twitter, who cares? He's allowed to follow people on Twitter without sleeping with them or talking to them.
4) Why are you stalking who he follows? It's Twitter, who cares?
5) You can't communicate basic feelings. It's never going to work in any relationship until you learn this basic skill. Men (or women) are not mindreaders.
6) He hasn't asked why you're annoyed, aka, he doesn't care.
7) He's hurt you in the past, but you're going back to him - why? Love yourself, you deserve better.

omg @ everyone bashing him for watching porn and indulging in a NATURAL process of sexual health. Some people just need a little help...

I was about to type all this.. Then I saw this.

Reply 19

missytwinpeaks

12

Something similar happened to me. Eventually I figured out he wasn't going to change.
Surrounding yourself with friends and a guy will come along when he comes along.

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Do I have a right to be mad at him? Guys and Girls views needed!

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