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Critical Essay - Can Someone Take a Look at This

Hello,

I am sitting Higher English on Thursday, and I have been doing a good few practice critical essays, however, I can never seem to get a mark from my teacher for them that is higher than 13/20.

Can someone take a look at this essay on Death of a Salesman that has sat Higher English or is good at English and perhaps estimate a grade for it? Any advice will be good as additional comments.

The essay question was this:

Choose a play which explores one of the following: the nature of heroism, the impact of self-delusion, the burden of responsibility.Discuss how the dramatist explores this central concern through her or his presentation of one or more than one character.

Thank you, and sorry for the bad handwriting.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B1rEAZmKB2vOVXJiTEY5a01Ndmc

That's the link, the file was too big to attach, thanks for any comments you can make. The essay is supposed to be out of 20, by the way.
U are not referring to the American Dream enough , what's it message? What's author miller trying to say? Make sure u refer to this at the end of each paragraph.

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