I've got to the point where I don't really know what to do. I suffer badly with depression and anxiety and both me and my fiancé think that I show symptoms of bpd too (his mum has it so he recognises certain traits in me).
I have been seeing the depression and anxiety service for over four months now. I started off doing low intensity cbt with a really nice woman who was really understanding and listened when I told her something wasn't working. She referred me for higher intensity cbt with a man who very much focused on the anxiety part. Immediately I felt like I couldn't tell him everything that I was feeling. I tried. But something in my head just shuts down when I don't feel comfortable with someone and I forget things. Anyway the last month that I've seen him I've told him that I've been getting increasingly worse (I've been trying to hurt myself, having suicidal thoughts, been getting so angry I want to scream and rip my hair out, and every day before work I sit and cry). He tried to explain it away by saying it was just because I was tired and that there is no cause for concern because it's just thoughts in having and I'm not actually making any attempts. Do I need to try to kill myself for someone to ****ing take notice of how bad I am?!
I went to my GP as I wanted to know what other options there were. She said only medication which she didn't wanna put me on as it increases the risk of self harm and suicidal thoughts. She thought maybe I should be referred to a psychiatrist and sent a letter to my therapist outlining her thoughts to ask for his opinion and the next time I saw him he said he got a letter but was quite dismissive as it said that I didn't think therapy was working. Eventually I got him to agree that it wasn't and he said he would take a week to think about what to do. He called me yesterday saying he wanted me to go on a course to learn to regulate my emotions but it's all booked until the end of summer so he's gone away again to think of what to do. I'm so frustrated and pissed off that he doesn't think it's serious enough to hurry up and do something. I asked to be referred to mental health services for an assessment and it's like he wants whatever he gives to be the thing that makes it all better. His only suggestion at the moment is to give up work. I don't think I can do that because it requires explaining the situation to people and I just can't bring myself to do that it causes me to panic. I really don't know what to do anymore. I want help but people won't take it seriously
What do I do next?
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