Am I in love or is it just in my head?

Okay, this isn't the first time I've posted on TSR about this girl.
We've been good friends for 3 years, and I've always been attracted to her. At first this was unrequited, as she had a boyfriend, but as her relationship with him came to an end, I'll admit she probably took advantage of my feelings for her, keeping me close and leading me on before telling me she wanted to sleep with someone else (a mutual friend) because she wasn't quite ready for another relationship. This made me sad, but it isn't my place, and she means the world to me so I told her fine, but we can't be as close anymore, probably for the best (this when I last posted, and was following the advice i received).
However, after this, she told me nothing had happened between her and this mutual friend she was gonna sleep with, and she misses me so much.I obviously fell more in love, but eventually she became distant. Then she told me she was seeing someone (another mutual friend). I accepted this and wished her the best, but soon found out she'd been lying to me all year about the first boy, and they'd been sleeping together the whole time. This really broke my heart and I cut contact.
Being a devout Catholic and all, eventually learned to try and forgive them both, accepting that she just didn't want to lose me or hurt me.
We became friends again, but not so close. She had at this point broken up with the second mutual friend that she had started seeing. Tragedy struck in February though when he suddenly passed away very young. This obviously tore everyone to shreds, and I promised I'd be there for her, something I felt only out of duty as a friend. However, since then we've grown close again, and the feelings return.
She tells me day in day out that she loves me, wants to marry me, that I'm good looking and that I know her better than anyone and am her soulmate, but when I tell her how I feel or ask her out, she says 'I don't know why but we just can't be together' and yet reiterates all of the above. It makes no sense to me.
Now it looks like she might be starting to see someone else (yet ANOTHER mutual friend - and a boy who cares pretty much just for sex) and everyone always says that one day me and her will marry, and I feel like one day she's gonna realise this and I cling to that hope, but worry that I'm waiting in vain, especially as I'm nearly 20 now and a virgin.
If anybody's heard the song 'wild horses' by the rolling stones, that's me.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

Reply 1

bethwalker85

Honestly, she sounds like she knows how you feel and is playing you like a fiddle.

If she really liked you, she wouldn't be getting with other boys and telling you she likes you but doesn't want a relationship. I'd tell her that it's not fair on you how she's treating you and she either changes it or you're cutting ties.

She doesn't sound like she's good for you and even if you do get married, that's way in the future and she's still too immature for what you want.

Reply 2

JS31294

I had a similar situation in school, I was best friends with this guy eventually fell head over heels for him but we could never be together because 'It would ruin our friendship'. Years and years i spent trying to be what he wanted but it didnt work out, we remaind friends throughout school and college but he got a girlfriend.

I think sometimes you just have to think about who you are as a person and do you really want to be dragged around by somebody who is just going to break your heart. I found my boyfriend now of 3 years and i couldn't be happier, he is now with a girlfriend and they have a baby together.

Things happen for a reason but what i would say is keep her as a friend but dont let her fool you into thinking that shes the one and that you're going to get married etc. because if she really thought that and felt that in her heart well why is that stopping her from being with you.

You'll find someone who truely loves you for who you are, it may not be tomorrow or a week from now even a couple of years. But you will, but dont let her rule your life, because one day you'll look back and regret it!

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

The question here is; is love real? could it not simply be a subjective concept that has no basis other than mere neurotransmitters and endorphins, or is it an objective truth that we all feel equally? Based on what has happened between you and this girl, and the fact you like cultural analogies I would advise you to watch Forest Gump, as she is GEEEENIE and you are Forest but she will only come back with AIDS and not true love, so RUN, FOREST,RUN. Or in the words of the late, great Biggy Smalls 'she aho, but not your hoe'.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Hahaha I actually had considered that analogy

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by JS31294

I met my mam for lunch today and told her the same thing as this thread and that's similar to what she said. So, in terms of advice, well done, you're in league with the best :smile:

and thanks as well it does make me feel better

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by bethwalker85

I suppose. Guess I'm just attracted to the Romantic idea of it all becoming clear that were destined to be together and living happily ever after etc.

Reply 7

TearsInRain

Well it seems as though you're waiting on a friend. But remember you can't always get what you want. Life's path is random like tumbling dice and you must find shelter before you can get satisfaction. Do not show sympathy for the devil for you will become a beast of burden.

Right now your life is doom and gloom like dead flowers in a field. You are under her thumb while you think she's a rainbow. You're a midnight rambler waiting for her to say "Let's sleep together." But remember time waits for no one.

Start the engine up and live your life.