The Student Room Group

Depressed; I Want To Take My Hijab Off

Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
"Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
"And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6) Am I created dirty?

I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?

Scroll to see replies

watch dawah man and ali dawahs lectures on taking your hijab off, watch mufti menks letures on depression they helped me and also research why you wear the hijab in the first place, im a hijabi myself and i sometimes feel like taking it off too but then i remember how this is all a test from allah
Feels like you're frequent a member from here
Reply 3
If you want to take it off, then do it.

Religion or no religion, you have free will.
[video="youtube;ZXsQAXx_ao0"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0[/video]

Sorry I didn't read your text, just the title.
do what you feel is best.
Our God is more loving to us than you can ever imagine.

Don't wear it if you're not truly happy about it :smile: Insha'Allah one day you will be happy in the body God has crafted, or even if you don't wear one ever that doesn't define Islam in your heart. I don't wear a hijab and I love my religion and God. One day I probably will, or I won't, but whatever it is God has that all planned for me as with you. Everything happens for a reason.
Original post by cathartic
watch dawah man and ali dawahs lectures on taking your hijab off, watch mufti menks letures on depression they helped me and also research why you wear the hijab in the first place, im a hijabi myself and i sometimes feel like taking it off too but then i remember how this is all a test from allah


...why would an all-knowing god need to test somebody...? the whole point of "testing" is to learn, so oes that imply that an all-knowing god has more to learn about? isn't that contradictive? ("yes" )
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by BubbleBoobies
...why would an all-knowing god need to test somebody...?


because you have free will and therefore allah will test you in this world through trials and tribulations to see if this strengthens or weakens your faith
Reply 9
Please guys lets not turn this into a religious debate, I'm kinda upset right now. I just need advice on how to go about taking it off if I wanted to. Thanks.
Original post by samina_ay
Feels like you're frequent a member from here


This does sound kinda trollish doesn't it
Referring to posts above, God says, if you feel one of your religious duties is becoming a burden to you, then for your sake you will be pardoned.
In all respects, especially as you're 18 parent's should have no tight constraints on you whatsoever because its you're life that you are living and not theirs! :smile:
Original post by cathartic
because you have free will and therefore allah will test you in this world through trials and tribulations to see if this strengthens or weakens your faith


surely free will implies self-determinism. but if god already knows the outcome, then our actions are determined not by ourselves but by the fate of the universe which god has supposedly created, with a plan in mind. so either we *do* have free will and god *doesn't* have a divine plan or omniscience, or we don't, and he does. it wouldn't make sense otherwise. I'm not even trying to create a false-dichotomy; how can a god give us free will if he knows what we will do with it? if he has knowledge of future consequences, how is that "knowledge" if they may or may not happen via our own free will to determine these outcomes ourselves? it doesn't mak sense to think that god is testing us if he is all knowing

+hijabs are oppressive and patriarchal
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by BubbleBoobies
surely free will implies self-determinism. but if god already knows the outcome, then our actions are determined not by ourselves but by the fate of the universe which god has supposedly created, with a plan in mind. so either we *do* have free will and god *doesn't* have a divine plan or omniscience, or we don't, and he does. it wouldn't make sense otherwise. I'm not even trying to create a false-dichotomy; how can a god give us free will if he knows what we will do with it? if he has knowledge of future consequences, how is that "knowledge" if they may or may not happen via our own free will to determine these outcomes ourselves? it doesn't mak sense to think that god is testing us if he is all knowing

+hijabs are oppressive and patriarchal


I see it as more of a 'choose-your-own-adventure' thing, where all the paths are predetermined but you can choose which ones you wanna follow.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Are you going to go to university? Perhaps then you can separate from your family and live your life.

Also, there is a paradox in your problem. You want everyone to accept and like you, but you are also depressed because the person you show the world is not really you, is it? You either have to learn to stand up for yourself and take the consequences that it might mean your relatives won't accept you anymore BUT then you can be who you are, you can be independent. Or you can live the rest of your life in depression, but by accepted by your community.... which one would you like to choose?

I'm sure there are many muslim girls who don't wear it, you can make new friends and I don't see why no one would marry you? There are many muslim women who dress "normally" and still have a husband, children...
Britain is a free country. You DO NOT have to wear a Hijab if you don't want to. Its your human right to dress how you please.
move out keep it off in uni or at home the "forget" to put it on one day and see what happens
Reply 17
Original post by BubbleBoobies
...why would an all-knowing god need to test somebody...?


To separate the Good from the Bad.
Reply 18
Original post by BubbleBoobies
surely free will implies self-determinism. but if god already knows the outcome, then our actions are determined not by ourselves but by the fate of the universe which god has supposedly created, with a plan in mind. so either we *do* have free will and god *doesn't* have a divine plan or omniscience, or we don't, and he does. it wouldn't make sense otherwise. I'm not even trying to create a false-dichotomy; how can a god give us free will if he knows what we will do with it? if he has knowledge of future consequences, how is that "knowledge" if they may or may not happen via our own free will to determine these outcomes ourselves? it doesn't mak sense to think that god is testing us if he is all knowing

+hijabs are oppressive and patriarchal


Self-Determinism doesn't exist.
Original post by Anonymous
****ing take it off you saddo. You acc wasted your time making a thread on this loool.


How is this supposed to help her in any way? Rude and inconsiderate.