I really cant do this anymore. I really just cant.
My life is just a mess and I cant do anything about it. First of all I am a guy who is 20. I am from a Pakistani Muslim household and in addition to that I am gay.
When I realized I liked the same sex, this is when it all start. I developed severe depression from the age 12/13. I became reserved. ,
To make things worse, because of my depression I lost appetite, and i developed an eating disorder. I never had breakfast, or ate much at all. When I woke up to school, I changed my clothes and went to school without a bite of food. I also had social anxiety and self hate, which is still do to be honest..
I made some changes. I said to myself "**** everyone, I am gonna be who I am". I accepted myself.
I hit the gym, beat my eating disorder, and I saw a change in my life.
However, because of my eating disorder and depression I suffer from stunt growth, which means that I have not achieved my potentional growth. I am only 1.65m tall whereas my potentional height is 1.80m
You know, if my potentional maximum height was 165m, I would have accepted myself, but the fact that my potentionl height was 180cm, and i missed it because of my depression and eating disorder makes hate myself even more.
I have become so insecure about my height. Everyone is taller than me. Everywhere I look. I constantly compare my height to others when walking on the street. It has become a pain in the ass.
My height is a permanent scar of my depression and eating disorder.
Being Desi and male, and having an eating disorder was an embarrassment for
me. I have not told anyone. My parents wont take it serious anyway. In addition to that my sexuality has been killing me as well.
I have no close friends because I hate myself, and as mentioned earlier I became so reserved.
I was watching some of my old videos when I was a child. I was this chubby, happy, jolly and laughing child, but look at me now...****!
I just wanna be happy man...
I cant take this anymore.
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