I don't love him as much
So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and in the beginning, I was so in love with him and could really see a future with him.
Now, I'm not so sure. I still do love him but sometimes it's more like a friendship love. I hate that I feel this way. I told him how I feel, and he was really upset and said he'd try his best to stop me feeling that way but how can he possibly do that? We still talk about a future together and the thought is nice but I'm not sure if I really want it. I did think a break would help but when I brought it up, he was furious with me for the suggestion, so I left it alone thinking my feelings were just a phase. A couple of months later, I told him I wanted a break. He told me that I'm basically saying that I don't love him and he walked away from me before I could say anything else. We talked after that and he said he couldn't bear to lose me. I don't want to lose him either so I stayed with him hoping my feelings were temporary. That was about 4 months ago and I'm still feeling this way. I'm afraid that it's no longer a phase but since it is now a long term relationship, I'm wondering if it's normal? He knows I feel this way and he always tries to overcompensate by always telling me how much he loves me and it doesn't help. In fact, it makes me feel even worse about myself because I'm tired of hearing it. Were both young. I'm 19, he's 18. Im at the end of my first year of uni and he works part time at an Argos. He wants us to live together in my 2nd year and I'm not sure if I love him enough to do that, but I don't want to hurt him. Help?
Now, I'm not so sure. I still do love him but sometimes it's more like a friendship love. I hate that I feel this way. I told him how I feel, and he was really upset and said he'd try his best to stop me feeling that way but how can he possibly do that? We still talk about a future together and the thought is nice but I'm not sure if I really want it. I did think a break would help but when I brought it up, he was furious with me for the suggestion, so I left it alone thinking my feelings were just a phase. A couple of months later, I told him I wanted a break. He told me that I'm basically saying that I don't love him and he walked away from me before I could say anything else. We talked after that and he said he couldn't bear to lose me. I don't want to lose him either so I stayed with him hoping my feelings were temporary. That was about 4 months ago and I'm still feeling this way. I'm afraid that it's no longer a phase but since it is now a long term relationship, I'm wondering if it's normal? He knows I feel this way and he always tries to overcompensate by always telling me how much he loves me and it doesn't help. In fact, it makes me feel even worse about myself because I'm tired of hearing it. Were both young. I'm 19, he's 18. Im at the end of my first year of uni and he works part time at an Argos. He wants us to live together in my 2nd year and I'm not sure if I love him enough to do that, but I don't want to hurt him. Help?
Say this:
"I like you but read this: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4066523"
"I like you but read this: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4066523"
i thought this was a different thread and i clicked it and it was the same thread ._.
He already knows though. He knows exactly how I feel, I've never hid it from him, but he always brushes it off as if it's not a big deal.
You're so young, you shouldn't have to live this way with someone who doesn't make you feel amazing.
Not necessarily prescribing you should do this, but if I were you I would leave.
Honestly I think all relationships go through the honeymoon phase and get a bit boring after a while, so its a matter of making it work. That being said if you can't stop feeling this way things probably aren't going to work - so maybe its best to take some time apart.
Not necessarily prescribing you should do this, but if I were you I would leave.
Honestly I think all relationships go through the honeymoon phase and get a bit boring after a while, so its a matter of making it work. That being said if you can't stop feeling this way things probably aren't going to work - so maybe its best to take some time apart.
I'm really sorry but if you really feel like that, tell him it's over and leave it at that. I don't mean it in a harsh way but for someone to be overcompensating and just making it worse...would he rather you stayed with him for his sake? and out of pity? Tell him it's over (if you mean it) and stick to it.
Breaks don't usually help, they usually just mean 'it's over' but the person just isn't strong enough to say it.
If that's how you feel go with your heart, it may/will hurt at first but if you know it's right trust your feelings.
Break ups hurt. Point blank. Period.
No one wants to break up with someone they love but people need to not be selfish..he's done what he can fair play to him but it's clearly not working for you.
Don't move in with him at all if you're not feeling it. Can you imagine how you feel now is bad enough...then on top of that if you lived under the same roof? You'd probably try to avoid him and he'd be running after you which would push you away further.
Breaks don't usually help, they usually just mean 'it's over' but the person just isn't strong enough to say it.
If that's how you feel go with your heart, it may/will hurt at first but if you know it's right trust your feelings.
Break ups hurt. Point blank. Period.
No one wants to break up with someone they love but people need to not be selfish..he's done what he can fair play to him but it's clearly not working for you.
Don't move in with him at all if you're not feeling it. Can you imagine how you feel now is bad enough...then on top of that if you lived under the same roof? You'd probably try to avoid him and he'd be running after you which would push you away further.
Original post by MaseratiJay
I'm really sorry but if you really feel like that, tell him it's over and leave it at that. I don't mean it in a harsh way but for someone to be overcompensating and just making it worse...would he rather you stayed with him for his sake? and out of pity? Tell him it's over (if you mean it) and stick to it.
Breaks don't usually help, they usually just mean 'it's over' but the person just isn't strong enough to say it.
If that's how you feel go with your heart, it may/will hurt at first but if you know it's right trust your feelings.
Break ups hurt. Point blank. Period.
No one wants to break up with someone they love but people need to not be selfish..he's done what he can fair play to him but it's clearly not working for you.
Don't move in with him at all if you're not feeling it. Can you imagine how you feel now is bad enough...then on top of that if you lived under the same roof? You'd probably try to avoid him and he'd be running after you which would push you away further.
Breaks don't usually help, they usually just mean 'it's over' but the person just isn't strong enough to say it.
If that's how you feel go with your heart, it may/will hurt at first but if you know it's right trust your feelings.
Break ups hurt. Point blank. Period.
No one wants to break up with someone they love but people need to not be selfish..he's done what he can fair play to him but it's clearly not working for you.
Don't move in with him at all if you're not feeling it. Can you imagine how you feel now is bad enough...then on top of that if you lived under the same roof? You'd probably try to avoid him and he'd be running after you which would push you away further.
I like your advice, and I think you might be right. It's not fair on either of us and I shouldn't have to force myself to stay in love with someone. I don't know how he'll take it because in the beginning of our relationship, he was nothing but a weedhead. He got kicked out of college and spent his time getting high and selling drugs. He relied on me for everything. I always borrowed him money and drove him everywhere. I threatened to end things because I felt like his mother as opposed to his girlfriend. Now, he's stopped all of it, he's paid me back every penny, he doesn't smoke or sell and he works. I feel like I've helped him so much and he did all of that for me. To leave him feels really cruel and I just don't know how I'll even approach it, but I can't help but feel that the sun has set in our relationship
Original post by Han-
You're so young, you shouldn't have to live this way with someone who doesn't make you feel amazing.
Not necessarily prescribing you should do this, but if I were you I would leave.
Honestly I think all relationships go through the honeymoon phase and get a bit boring after a while, so its a matter of making it work. That being said if you can't stop feeling this way things probably aren't going to work - so maybe its best to take some time apart.
Not necessarily prescribing you should do this, but if I were you I would leave.
Honestly I think all relationships go through the honeymoon phase and get a bit boring after a while, so its a matter of making it work. That being said if you can't stop feeling this way things probably aren't going to work - so maybe its best to take some time apart.
I agree with you. I so badly want to love him the way I used to but I can't force it. We spend so much time together so I don't know if that makes it worse. He doesn't have many friends and only works part time so when he's off, he stays with me at my uni and he sometimes gets in the way. I don't know if I'm coming across mean because I know he means well. My friends always tell me how selfish I'd be to end it when he treats me so well, but they just don't understand. I'm just going to take the plunge and tell him how much this bothers me and that I don't see how it can be fixed.
Original post by RezzBerry
So, he knows you don't 'love' him back? If you don't see him in that light, then slowly move away?
He knows I don't love him as much as I used to. Yeah, I think we'll have to part ways and if it's meant to be, it'll be
Original post by Foo.mp3
You see that big red button that reads: 'Eject'?..
What?
Original post by Anonymous
I like your advice, and I think you might be right. It's not fair on either of us and I shouldn't have to force myself to stay in love with someone. I don't know how he'll take it because in the beginning of our relationship, he was nothing but a weedhead. He got kicked out of college and spent his time getting high and selling drugs. He relied on me for everything. I always borrowed him money and drove him everywhere. I threatened to end things because I felt like his mother as opposed to his girlfriend. Now, he's stopped all of it, he's paid me back every penny, he doesn't smoke or sell and he works. I feel like I've helped him so much and he did all of that for me. To leave him feels really cruel and I just don't know how I'll even approach it, but I can't help but feel that the sun has set in our relationship
It's more a case of you made him a better person, don't feel like oh I've invested time and he's improved so I shouldn't leave.
You need to do what's best for you most importantly...
Think about it this way, are you going to stay just out of pity?
If the tables were reversed and you knew someone had fallen out of love with you and they were only staying with you to spare your feelings how would it make you feel?
It's not cruel under any circumstance, it's upsetting, yes...but it's best you do it, go through the pain, come out happier etc and then find someone more suited to you in future...that's long term happiness.
Think about how often you see him/how you normally see him. As in, if you usually see each other a few times a week ring him and tell him you need to talk to him about a serious matter and tell him face to face. In your particular situation if you say you want to break up and then go back on your word you'll be trapped with this guy forever more than likely..you'll start to feel obliged to be with him etc.
You'll both be upset by the break up..it's not like you're breaking his heart while you swan off on holiday or something.
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