Sorry, this is going to be quite long. But please bare with me if you can.
I like him, but I don't like him at the same time because of different reasons.
I'm probably going to sound super indecisive but here's where I am at the moment with this situation.
I have a guy friend, we've been friends for at least 10 months now. In the beginning, I saw him as only a friend and brother. We performed together in shows and became quite close. We'd speak almost everyday and then later he admitted that he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I said no because I didn't feel the same way.
Over time things became quite unusual and heated- though I am not physically attracted to him I became emotionally attached and connected to him. We began going on dates and even became quite sexual though it wasn't sex itself. After a while I realised this wasn't what I wanted.
I'm waiting until marriage to have sex and he says he is also but whenever he is around me, he's very touchy. I understand that he's physically attracted to me but constantly he would try kissing me and feeling me up which kind of put me off. In the past, he has also kind of forced himself on me. We were walking down the street and I told him not to kiss me but he did though my lips were not moving as he was doing so; he grabbed me in places he shouldn't have to as I didn't consent to it. I later forgave him because that was the first time ever he had acted that way and he relies on me often to help him with his family problems. After this incident, we did become closer months later which was when I did do sexual things in the moment however it was because of the emotional closeness I later had with him. I've never had this with a guy before.
He seems like he would be the type of boyfriend who would try and get me to have sex with him which is natural but as I've stated many times that I'm waiting- I wouldn't want to be pressured not just verbally but through the constant kissing and touching. I've decided to look for a guy who not only says he is waiting but is actually practising it and doesn't do the whole touching. I'm extremely career driven too. From what he's told me, my guy friend's hopes and dreams for us to move in together, basically be cohabiting couples while going to the same university then for me to have his children after getting married. I don't live for him, though I care about him I have my own dreams and hopes which includes me being successful in my chosen career (Acting) and establishing myself financially.
To get to the point finally, I really do care about him but all of these factors- plus the fact I'm not attracted to him physically has made me uncomfortable with the idea of being with him. I know it sounds shallow but he even said, if he wasn't physically attracted it would be hard for him to see me more than a best friend/sister. Why I'm so confused is because though I'm not his girlfriend and we're not dating- it gets to me a little that he may end up being with someone else as I've never had this emotional attachment with a guy before. I probably sound selfish. I wish the best for him though.
Confused. I like him but I don't. Arh.
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